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A Man Drinks a shot of whiskey every night before bed. After years of this, the wife wants him to quit. She gets two shot glasses, fills one with water and the other with whiskey. After bringing him to the table. She says, "I want you to see this". She puts a worm in the water, and it swims around. She puts a worm in the whiskey, and the worm dies immediately. She then says feeling that she has made the point clear, "what do you have to say about this experiment?" He responds by saying, "if I drink whiskey, I won't get worms!"

 

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What cartoon mouse walks on two feet? -Mickey Mouse What duck walks on two feet? -Donald Duck No, all ducks do!

 

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Do you want to hear a construction joke? Sorry, I’m still working on it.

 

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What is the shortest month of the year?
May. It only has three letters!

 

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I’m on a whiskey diet. I’ve lost three days already.

 

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Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing!

 

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I was sitting in a bar one day and two really large women came in, talking in an interesting accent. So I said, "Cool accent, are you two ladies from Ireland?" One of them snarled at me, It's Wales, Dumbo! So I corrected myself, My apologies, so are you two whales from Ireland?

 

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What is the name for a person who is excessively loud? Mike......>very funny<

 

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When the clock strikes 13, what time is it? It's time to acquire a new clock.

 

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Are you familiar with the joke about yoga? Oh, forget it, it's a bit of a stretch.

 

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My grandfather has the heart of a lion and a lifetime ban at the zoo.

 

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If a Beautiful Women Goes for A Walk Daily. She Improves the Health of Ten Men.

 

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He sits down and the receptionist asks him why he is there. The man complains, "I keep seeing spots in front of my eyes."

The receptionist asks, "Have you ever seen a doctor?" to which the man replies, "No, just spots."

 

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I just came back from the eye doctor, he says I have kindergarden disease. I asked her what that meant, she said that means I have really small pupils.

 

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A Russian While Visiting India Went For An Eye Check Up. The Dr. Shows The Letters On The Board 'CZWXNQSTAZKY' & Asked. Doctor-Can You Read This? Russian: Read? I Even Know This Guy. He's My Cousin.

 

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A Boy Was Driving His Car. A Girl On Scooty Came From Behind And Overtook Him. Boy Took Out His head From Car Window & Shouted: 'Hey Buffalo.' Girl Turned Back And Shouted: You Pig, Donkey, Idiot, Stupid Monkey. Suddenly She Met With An Accident. She Was Hit By A Buffalo Crossing The Road. Moral Of This Story: Girls Never Understand What A Boy Wants To Say.

 

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The longest distance for a morning work in winter, is from the Bed to the toilet.

 

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Man Meets His Friend & Notices He's Wearing An Earring. When Did You Start Wearing Earnings?
Friend: Ever Since My Wife Found It In My Car.

 

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Professor To Students: I Want You To Write An Essay With The Following Elements: 1. Religion 2. Royalty 3. Sex And 4. Mystery After Two Minutes Pappu Shouts: 'Done' Proffesor: 'Let Me See' Pappu Had Written: Oh My God, Says The Queen, I Am Pregnant Yet… I Don’t Know Who Did It.

 

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Difference Between A Good Lawyer & A Great Lawyer?
A Good Lawyer Knows The Law And A Great Lawyer Knows The Judge

 

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