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What can you put in your right hand but not your left?
Your left elbow.
 
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A family took a trip to Disney World. After three exhausting days, they headed home. As they drove away, the son waved and said, Goodbye, Mickey.

The daughter waved and said, Goodbye, Minnie.

The husband waved, rather weakly, and said, "Goodbye, Money."
 
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Mama, there's a man at the door, said little Johnny.
He says he's collecting for senior citizens. Do you think we should hide Grandpa?
 
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Teacher: Last night I had a dream that I ate a huge marshmallow.

Student: And what happened next?

Teacher: I woke up in the morning and found my pillow gone!!!
 
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Teacher: 'John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
John: You told me to do it without using tables.
 
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The teacher of the earth science class was lecturing on map reading.

After explaining about latitude, longitude, degrees and minutes the teacher asked, Suppose I asked you to meet me for lunch at 23 degrees, 4 minutes north latitude and 45 degrees, 15 minutes east longitude?

After a confused silence, a voice volunteered, I guess you'd be eating alone.
 
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Joke of the year.
Two ladies sitting together very silent.
 
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Why are elephants so wrinkled?
Because it will take too long to iron!
 
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Why the Teddy bears never feel hungry?
Because they are always stuffed!
 
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Why oysters do not share their pearls?
Because they are shellfish!
 
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When is it bad luck to see a black cat?
When you're a mouse!

 
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Patient: Doctor, please can you help me out?
Doctor: Yes, you may make your way out the same way you come in.
 
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How will a foreigner say open the door
to his servant
who only understands Hindi?
(Read this fast in British accent)
There was a cold day
दरवाजा खोल द
 
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BOSS in office : Okay guys, today we are going to play a game.....

When I say a name of the fruit, you run to the right side of the hall....

And when I say any color, you run to the left side of the hall....

One who runs on wrong side will not get the increment... got it ?

Employees : Yes Boss, Got it.

Boss : Okay...Ready, Set...
........
........ "ORANGE" !

Employees : ???
 
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Why do we all marry?
Because romance is not the only element of life.
We should also know horror,terror, suspense,Irony,Stupidity & Tragedy of LIFE.

 
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Husband was shocked to read
Wife's Old school report card
The comment written
.
.
Very Obedient
and
Soft Spoken Student.

 
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Two men are discussing their lives. One says, I'm getting married. I'm sick of a messy apartment, dirty dishes, and no clothes to wear.The other one says, Hey, I'm getting divorced for the same reasons.
 
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Wife: Today, I want to relax,
so I have brought three movie tickets.

Husband: why three tickets?

Wife: you and your parents.
 
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Couple in a Restaurant

Husband and wife were having dinner at a fancy restaurant

As the food was served, Husband said:
The Food looks delicious, let's eat.

Wife: Honey.. You say prayer before eating at home.
Husband: That's at home sweetheart Here the chef knows how to cook.
 
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Q: Why do people always begin their journey with the right foot first?
A: Mainly because when you move one foot, the other is left behind.
 
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