Too Heavy Lady: Is this my train?
Station Master: No, it belongs to the Railway Company.
Lady: Don't try to be funny. I meant to ask if I can take this train to New Delhi.
Station Master: No Madam, I'm afraid it's too heavy.Rating
Hasn't changed
A doctor said to his car mechanic, "Your debit is several times more per hour then we get paid for medical care."
"Yeah, but you see, doc, you have always the same model, it hasn't changed since Adam, but we have to keep up to date with new models coming every year."RatingAmnesia A patient goes to the doctor and said Help! i got an amnesia what should I do? The doc said " Forget about it!"Rating
Bitten by a vampire
Patient: Doctor, I think that I've bitten by a vampire.
Doctor: Drink this glass of water. Patient: Will it make me better? Doctor: No, I but I'll be able to see if your neck leaks.Rating
Helpful Children
Father: What did you do today to help your mother? Son: I dried the dishes Daughter: And I helped pick up the pieces.RatingTaking Sides
A teacher asked a student to write 55. Student asked: How?
Teacher: Write 5 and beside it another 5! The student wrote 5 and stopped. teacher: What are you waiting for? student: I don't know which side to write the other 5!Rating30years younger wife Fairy(To A 62 Year Old Couple): I will grant you each a wish.
Wife: I want to travel around the world with my husband.
The fairy waved her magic wand & 'POOF'
Two tickets appeared in her hands.
Husband: I wish to have a wife 30 years younger to me.
The fairy waved her magic wand & 'POOF'
The Husband became 92 years old.Rating
Late
TEACHER: Why are you late?
Student: Because of the sign.
TEACHER: What sign?
Student: The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."RatingI Saw The Pope
An American T-shirt maker in Miami printed shirts for the Spanish market which promoted the Pope’s visit. Instead of “I saw the Pope” (el Papa), the shirts read “I Saw the Potato” (la papa).RatingBright People
Light can travel faster than sound. That is why some people appear bright until you hear them talk.RatingWhy Was Jesus Taken To Jerusalem
A Sunday School teacher asked her class why Joseph
and Mary took Jesus with them to Jerusalem. A small
child replied: "They couldn't get a baby sitter."RatingArrest your mother
A police recruit was asked during the exam,
"What would you do if you had to arrest your own
mother?" He said, "Call for backup."RatingIf white is happiness then
Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl
whispered to her mother, "Why is the bride
dressed in white?" "Because white is the color of happiness,
and today is the happiest day of her life." The child thought about
this for a moment, then said, "So why is the groom wearing black?"Rating
Can I help you?
A young businessman had just started his own firm. He had just rented a beautiful office and had it furnished with antiques.
He saw a man come into the outer office. Wishing to appear the hot shot, the businessman picked up the phone and started to pretend he had a big deal working. He threw huge figures around and made giant commitments.
Finally he hung up and asked the visitor, ''Can I help you?''
''Yeah, I've come to activate your phone lines.''RatingFunny
A Man applied for the post of a detective in Patna. In the interview he was asked a question:
Who killed Mahatma Gandhi?
Man: I will tell you tomorrow.
Man come home and tells his wife: I got the job and my first work is to investigate who killed Gandhi.RatingCoincidence
Teacher:"Can anyone give me an example of Coincidence? "
Johnny:"Sir, my mother and father got married on the same day same time."Rating1869
Teacher: What happened in 1869?
Student:Gandhi ji was born.
Teacher :What happened in 1873?
Student:Gandhiji was four years old.RatingAngry Boss
Angry Boss: Have you ever seen an owl?
Employee: (looking down) No Sir...
Boss: Don't look down. Look at me.RatingPerfect Dancer
Girl: You would be a good dancer except for two things.
Boy: What are the two things?
Girl: Your feet.Rating
Responsible
Employer: "We need someone responsible for the job."
"Sir your search ends here! In my previous job whenever something went wrong,everybody said I was responsible."Rating
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