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Shortcut
Stranger: Do you think I'll be able to catch the 3 o'clock train if I take the shortcut through your field?
Farmer: Oh, certainly! And you might even reach the station by 2 o'clock if the bull sees you.Rating
Illegal Possession
A man was driving down the road with penguins in the back seat. A police officer stopped him and said that he can't drive around with the penguins like that and should take them to the zoo. The man agreed and drove off.
The next day, the same man was again spotted driving down the road with the penguins...
Police officer: Hey! I told you to take those to the zoo.
Man: I did! Today I'm taking them to the movies.Rating
Wife Stupid
Man asked god about his wife...
Man: Why did you make her so good-looking, my Lord?
God: So that you love her, my son.
Man: And, why did you make her so kind-hearted, my Lord?
God: So that you love her, my son.
Man: But, why did you make her so stupid, my Lord?
God: So that she loves you, my son.Rating
Fourth Husband
A woman announces to her friend that she is getting married for the fourth time.
"How wonderful! But I hope you don't mind me asking what happened to your first husband?"
"He ate poisonous mushrooms and died."
"Oh, how tragic! What about your second husband?"
"He ate poisonous mushrooms too and died."
"Oh, how terrible! I'm almost afraid to ask you about your third husband."
"He died of a broken neck."
"A broken neck?"
"He wouldn't eat the mushrooms."Rating
Can I help you?
A young businessman had just started his own firm. He had just rented a beautiful office and had it furnished with antiques.
He saw a man come into the outer office. Wishing to appear the hot shot, the businessman picked up the phone and started to pretend he had a big deal working. He threw huge figures around and made giant commitments.
Finally he hung up and asked the visitor, ''Can I help you?''
''Yeah, I've come to activate your phone lines.''RatingTechnical Simplicity
Two Humans Ascended A Certain Geological Protuberance To Collect A Hydride Of Oxygen Whose Quantity Isn't Specified...
One Member Descends Dramatically Suffering Mechanical Damage To The Cranial Part Of His Anatomical Cranium!
The Second Member Follows The First In A Similar Series Of Rapid Irregular Disturbing Movements...
Got Something?
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No!
Here In Simple English...
"Jack & Jill Went Up The Hill To Fetch A Pail Of Water, Jack Fell Down And Broke His Crown And Jill Came Tumbling After"RatingGood Objective
Teacher: Give Me Sentence With A Direct Object.
Student: Every One Thinks You Are The Best Teacher.
Teacher: Than,
But What Is The Object?
Student: To Get Good MarksRatingAnnouncement In University
"The Students Who Have Parked Their Cars On The Driveway, Please Move Them"
Anothr Anouncement After 20 Minutes:
"The 200 Students Who Went To Move 9 Cars Please Return To Their Respective Classes."RatingBrains
Husband : U know dear, our son got his brain from me.
Wife : I think he did, I've still got mine with me!RatingNo Speaks...
Following an especially angry argument, Mr. and Mrs. Patel went to bed not speaking to each other. Needing to arise early the following morning, Mr. Patel left a note on his wife's bedside table that said "Wake me at six."
An exasperated Mr. Patel awoke at ten the following morning and rolled stiffly out of bed to see a note on his bedside table:
"It's six, you bum! Get out of bed!"RatingBig Liar
Two boys were arguing when the teacher entered the room.
The teacher says, "Why are you arguing?"
One boy answers, "We found a ten dollor bill and decided to give it to
whoever tells the biggest lie."
"You should be ashamed of yourselves," said the teacher, "When I was
your age I didn't even know what a lie was."
The boys gave the ten dollars to the teacher.RatingGamblerman A man walks into a butcher's shop and inquires of the butcher: "Are you a gambling man?" The butcher says "Yes", so the man said: "I bet you fifty bucks that you can't reach up and touch that meat hanging on the hooks up there." The butcher says "I'm not betting on that." "But I thought you were a gambling man" the man retorts. "Yes I am" says the butcher "but the steaks are too high."RatingSentence Correction
Teacher : Correct the sentence, "A bull and a cow is grazing in thefield"
Student : A cow and a bull is grazing in the field.
Teacher : Why?
Student : Ladies first.RatingTest
one boy went to test. When he came home his mom said - how was the test?He said - the questions were very easy but the answer were hard.Rating
Elephant Scared to use Computer
The elephant didnt want to use computer because he was scared of the mouse.Rating
Too Heavy Lady: Is this my train?
Station Master: No, it belongs to the Railway Company.
Lady: Don't try to be funny. I meant to ask if I can take this train to New Delhi.
Station Master: No Madam, I'm afraid it's too heavy.RatingHasn't changed
A doctor said to his car mechanic, "Your debit is several times more per hour then we get paid for medical care."
"Yeah, but you see, doc, you have always the same model, it hasn't changed since Adam, but we have to keep up to date with new models coming every year."RatingAmnesia A patient goes to the doctor and said Help! i got an amnesia what should I do? The doc said " Forget about it!"RatingBitten by a vampire
Patient: Doctor, I think that I've bitten by a vampire.
Doctor: Drink this glass of water. Patient: Will it make me better? Doctor: No, I but I'll be able to see if your neck leaks.RatingHelpful Children
Father: What did you do today to help your mother? Son: I dried the dishes Daughter: And I helped pick up the pieces.Rating
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