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Married Over 60 Years


A man was invited to some old friends' home for dinner. His buddy preceded every request to his wife by endearing terms, calling her Honey, My Love, Darling, Sweetheart, Pumpkin, etc.

He was impressed since the couple had been married almost 60 years. While the wife was off in the kitchen, the guy said to his buddy, "I think it's wonderful that after all the years you've been married, you still call your wife those pet names."

His buddy hung his head. "To tell you the truth, I forgot her name about ten years ago."
 
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Are You Crazy?


Mr.Richman has 3 daughters.
Their names are nobody, somebody and crazy.
One day nobody and somebody are fighting over a fake eyebrow.
Then crazy when to the policeman and she said"Nobody and Somebody are fighting"
Then the policeman look at her then he said "What are you talking about?"
Then she said again "Nobody and Somebody are fighting"
Then the policeman said "What? Are you crazy?"
Then she said "Yes but how did you know my name?"
 
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Disney Password

My kids love going to the Web, and they keep track of their passwords by writing them on Post-it notes.

I noticed their Disney password was "MickeyMinnieGoofyPluto," and asked why it was so long.

"Because," my son explained, "they say it has to have at least four characters."

 
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Great Writer

There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer.
When asked to define "Great" he said,
"I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!"
He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages.
 
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Pencil Vs pen
When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300 C.
The Russians used a pencil.
 
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Where do we get sugar from?
Teacher: What are some products of the West Indies?
Student: I don't know.
Teacher: Of course, you do. Where do you get sugar from?
Student: We borrow it from our neighbor.
 
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A Good Boy
Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. "What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?" "I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered. "You're a good boy," said the mother proudly. "Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?" "She is the one who sells the candy."
 
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Working condition

A man hit his brand new car in to the wall, why?

He wanted to test whether the airbags are working!!!
 
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Punish for something not done
Sam: Would you punish me for some thing i didn't do?
Teacher: no, of course not.
Sam: good, because i didn't do my homework.
 
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Like to make a will

Robert went to his lawyer and said, 'I would like to make a will but I don't know exactly how to go about it.' The lawyer smiled at Robert and replied, 'Not a problem, leave it all to me.'

Robert looked somewhat upset and said, 'Well, I knew you were going to take a big portion, but I would like to leave a little to my family too!'
 
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3 males and 2 females


A woman came home to find her retired husband waving a rolled up newspaper round his head.


Wife: 'What are you doing dear?'
Husband: 'Swatting flies - I got 3 males and 2 females'


Wife: 'How do you know which gender they were?'

Husband: 'Easy - 3 were on the beer, and the other 2 were on the phone'
 
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Good Ethics
One time when my son was 3 years old, I took him shopping. When we got home, he had a candy bar in his pocket. I didn't buy it, and he certainly didn't buy it, so we marched back to the mall - and we went to the jewelry store.
 
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Police or Ambulance
A woman discovers an intruder in the kitchen eating the leftover steak and kidney pie. The husband asks, "Should I call the police or an ambulance?"
 
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Forgetful

A chemist walks into a pharmacy and says, "Do you have any acetylsalicylic acid?" The pharmacist asks, "You mean aspirin?" "That's it, I can never remember the word."
 
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Late Teacher

The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture. 'Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, he's a doctor.' A small voice at the back of the room rang out, 'And there's the teacher; she's dead.'
 
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Safety


Bus conductor: Why are taking two tickets?
Passenger: Because if i lose one that second ticket will save me.
Conductor: what if you lose both?
Passenger: Listen, I am not a fool. I already have my Pass with me.!!!
 
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The T.V. is No Joke


I got in a fight with my wife last night and it was totally my fault.

She asked me what was on the TV and I said: dust.

Didn't go too well after that.
 
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Seat to a Lady

Son: 'Mum, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady.'
Mom: 'Well, you have done the right thing.'
Son: 'But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap.'
 
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History Teacher

A history teacher & his wife were sitting at a table. The wife asked. 'Anything new at work?'
He replied, 'No, I'm teaching History.'
 
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cleanliness

Boss: We are very keen on cleanliness. Did you wipe your feet on the mat as you came in?
New employee: Yes, sir.
Boss: We are also keen on truthfulness. There is no mat.
 
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