Meet me for lunch
The teacher of the earth science class was lecturing on map reading.
After explaining about latitude, longitude, degrees and minutes the teacher asked, Suppose I asked you to meet me for lunch at 25 degrees, 6 minutes north latitude and 47 degrees, 15 minutes east longitude?
After a confused silence, a voice volunteered, I guess you'd be eating alone.
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Forgot to write the letter
Mr. Henry Beecher has joined the Plymouth church one Sunday and found several letters awaiting him. He opened one and found it contained the fool's a single word. Quietly and with the seriousness becoming announced to the congregation the fact in these words:
The I knew much a case of a man writing a letter and forgetting to sign his name, but this is the only case I've known never a man who signs his name and forget to write the letter.
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Mad Cow?
One farmer says to another farmer that he had to shoot one of his cows? "Was it mad?" asks the other farmer.
The farmer replies "Well it wasn't very happy about it".
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A father&Son
A father and his small son were standing in front of the tiger's cage at the zoo.
Father was explaining how ferocious and strong tigers are and junior was taking it all in with a serious expression.
Dad," the boy said finally, "if the tiger got out of his cage and ate you up..."
"Yes, son?" the father said expectantly.
"What bus should I take home?" the boy finished.
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Teacher&Student
Teacher: "Who can tell me what 7 times 6 is?"
Student: "It's 42!"
Teacher: "Very good! - And who can tell me what 6 times 7 is?"
Same student: "It's 24!"
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Funny Support Calls
Tech Support: 'Have you made backups of your software and data?'
Customer: 'I didn't know it had a reverse.'
Advisor: 'Press any key to continue.
Customer: I can't find the 'Any' key.
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Doctor&Patient
Patient:-Doctor I am Feeling Several Itching,Give Me a Medicine Please.
Doctor:-Take This Slip To The Medical Shop.
Patient:-If I Use This Medicine,I Can Solve This Itching.
Doctor:-I Gave This For Growing Your Nails For Scratching.
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Teacher&Student
Teacher:Who was Raja Ram Mohan Roy ?
Student:They all four were great friends
Teacher:"What is your name?".Student:"Mera naam Suraj Prakash hai."
Teacher:"When I ask aquestion in english,answer it in english."
Student:"My name is Sunlight."
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A mental hospital
After hearing that one of the patients in a mental hospital had saved another from a suicide attempt by pulling him out of a bathtub, the hospital director reviewed the rescuer's file and called him into his office.
"Mr. Haroldson, your records and your heroic behavior indicate that you're ready to go home. I'm only sorry that the man you saved later killed himself with a rope around the neck."
"Oh, he didn't kill himself," Mr. Haroldson replied. "I hung him up to dry."
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Dog Property Rules
1. If I like it, it's mine.
2. If its in my mouth, it's mine.
3. If I can take it from you, it's mine.
4. If I had it a little while ago, it's mine.
5. If I'm chewing something up, all the pieces are mine.
6. If its mine, it must never appear to be yours anyway.
7. If it just looks like mine, it's mine.
8. If I saw it first, it's mine.
9. If you are playing with something and you put it down, it automatically becomes mine.
10. If its broken, it's yours.
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Gold fish funeral
Little Tim was in the garden filling in a hole when his neighbour peered over the fence. Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was up to, he politely asked, 'What are you up to there, Tim?'
'My goldfish died,' replied Tim tearfully, without looking up, 'and I've just buried him.'
The neighbour was concerned. 'That's an very big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?'
Tim patted down the last heap of earth, then replied, 'That's because he's inside your cat.'
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How did the human race appear
A little girl asked her mother, 'How did the human race appear?'
The mother answered, 'God made Adam and Eve and they had children, and so was all mankind made..'
Two days later the girl asked her father the same question. The father answered, 'Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race evolved.'
The confused girl returned to her mother and said, 'Mom, how is it possible that you told me the human race was created by God, and Dad said they evolved from monkeys?'
The mother answered, 'Well, dear, it is very simple. I told you about my side of the family and your father told you about his.'
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Blood Circulation
A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, he said: Now class, if I stood on my head, the blood as you know, would run into it and I should turn red in the face.
Yes, sir, the class said.
Then why is it that while I am standing upright in an ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?
A class member shouted, Cause your feet ain't empty.
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The Source Of Famine
A very thin man met a very fat man in the hotel lobby.
'From your looks,' said the fat man, 'there might have been a famine.'
'Yes,' was the reply, 'and from your looks, you might have caused it.'
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God's doing a lot better job lately
Grandpa and granddaugher were sitting talking when she asked, 'Did God make you, Grandpa?'
'Yes, God made me,' the grandfather answered. A few minutes later, the little girl asked him, 'Did God make me too?'
'Yes, He did,' the older man answered.
For a few minutes, the little girl seemed to be studying her grandpa, as well as her own reflection in the mirror, while her grandfather wondered what was running through her mind. At last she spoke up. 'You know, Grandpa,' she said, 'God's doing a lot better job lately.'
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Breaking dishes
A mother and son were washing dishes while the father and daughter were watching TV in the room. Suddenly, there was a crash of breaking dishes, then complete silence.
The girl looked at her father and said, 'It was Mom'.
'How do you know?' asked her father.
'She didn't say anything.'
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Once more
Singer: started to sing "dil diwaana bin sajna"
Guy from audience : "once more"
Singer : again started " dil diwaana"
Guy from audience : "once more"
Singer : again started " dil diwaana"
Guy from audience screamed : "once more"
Singer got frustrated and said " enough ...how many times??"
Guy from audience : "until you sing it right"
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Bridegroom's chance
During Marriage ceremony why is the bridegroom is made to sit on the horse?
He is given his last chance to run away.
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Trying for years
A man went to the Police Station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before.
You'll get your chance in court, said the Police officer.
"No, no no!"said the man. I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I've been trying for years.
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Exactly Same
Teacher : Pappu, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
Pappu : No, teacher, it's the same dog" we both wrote on!!!
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