Wife
Jhony:Shyam,you know my wife is an angel.
Shyam:Oh!am very lucky because my wife is still alive.
Rating 
Teacher
Teacher: Why are you late, sunny?
Sunny: Because of a sign down the road.
Teacher: What does a sign have to do with your being late?
Sunny: The sign said, "School Ahead, Go Slow!"
Rating 
Computer
Customer: "How much do Windows cost?"
Tech Support: "Windows costs about $100."
Customer: "Oh, that's kind of expensive. Can I buy just one window?"
Rating
Make your bed
Innkeeper: The room is $15. a night. It's $5. if you make your own bed.
Guest: I'll make my own bed.
Innkeeper: Good. I'll get you some nails and wood.
Rating
Man of the House
The husband had just finished reading the book 'Man of the House.'
He stormed into the kitchen and walked directly up to his wife, pointing a finger in her face, he said,
'From now on I want you to know that I am the man of the house and my word is law. I want you to prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm finished eating my meal, I expect a scrumptious dessert. Then, after dinner, you are going to draw me my bath so I can relax. And when I'm finished with my bath, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?
His wife replies, 'the funeral director would be my guess'.
Rating
Do You Fancy a Double?
Neil was in a pub, extremely drunk. The barman, Simon, noticed this, and when Neil asked for another whisky, the barman politely told him that he was too drunk to be served another drink.
Neil leaves. He walks out of the pub and in again at the side door and asks Simon for a double whisky. A little frustrated, Simon repeats the answer he had said earlier.
Neil, again leaves and enters through a further side door, walks up to the barman and asks for a Scotch. Simon is now quite annoyed, and tells Neil he is too drunk and to get a ride home and leave the pub.
Once more, Neil leaves. Again he comes in, this time through the back door. Neil walks up to the barman and before he can say a word, Simon explodes at him, 'I told you already, you are way too drunk, you can not have another whisky. Get out of my bar!'
Disgruntled, Neil glares at Simon and asks, 'Man, how many bars do you work at?'
Rating 
Both hands on the wheel
A nervous old lady on a bus was made even more nervous by the fact that the driver periodically took his arm out of the window.
When she couldn't stand it any longer, she tapped him on the shoulder and whispered on his ear: "Young man...you keep both hands on the wheel...I'll tell you when it's raining!"
Rating 
Graying hair
Customer asked to the shopkeeper, What do you have for graying hair?
The Shopkeeper replied, Nothing but the highest respect Sir.
Rating
Worry
Son asked the father Worry causes tension and tension causes disease, is it true dad?
Father says, Of course, Yes.
Son replied, That is why I stopped worrying about my studies.
Rating
Is this your dog?
A man was sitting near a dog. Another man appeared there and asked the first man Does your dog bites?
Man: No
The second man sits and the dog bites him!
Second man angrily: You said it does not bites!
Man: This is not my dog.
Rating
They think me 'GOD'
Weirdo 1: People consider me as a GOD .
Weirdo 2: How do you know??
Weirdo 1: When I went to the Park today, everybody said, Oh GOD ! U have came again .
Rating 
Medical Joke
Sunny: Why are you heating the knife.
Bunny: To do suicide.
Sunny: But why are you heating it?
Bunny: To prevent infection.
Rating 
Tables
Teacher: Krish, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
Krish: You told me to do it without using tables.
Rating
Maths Lesson
The math teacher saw that Sri wasn't paying attention in class.
She called on her and said, 'Sri! What are 2 and 4 and 28 and 44?'
Sri quickly replied, 'ABC, CBS, HBO and the Cartoon Network!'
Rating
Color TV
A person went to a TV shop and asked, "Do you have color TV?"
"Yes" replied the shop-owner.
The person said, "Give me green one."
Rating
Animal
Denis, a Psychiatrist, to his patient Menace: What's your problem?
Menace: I think I'm a chicken.
Denis the Psychiatrist: How long has this been going on?
Menace: Since I was an egg!
Rating
Doctor
Santa went to doctor: "Doctor, I feel so sick that I want to die!"
Doctor: "Don't worry Santa! Just leave that job to me, I am trained for that."
Rating
Honest Husband
An 80 year old woman was arrested for shop lifting. When she went before the judge he asked her, 'What did you steal?'
She replied, 'A can of peaches.'
The judge then asked her why she had stolen the can of peaches and she replied that she was hungry.
The judge then asked her how many peaches were in the can. She replied 6.
The judge then said, 'I will then give you 6 days in jail.'
Before the judge could actually pronounce the punishment, the woman's husband spoke up and asked the judge if he could say something.
The judge said, 'What is it?'
The husband said, 'She also stole a can of peas.'
Rating
Gender Differences
An English teacher wrote the words, 'Woman without her man is nothing' on the blackboard and asked the students to punctuate so that it made sense.
The boys wrote: 'Woman, without her man, is nothing.'
The girls wrote: 'Woman! Without her, man is nothing.'
Rating
Classic Proposal
Charlie, aged 86, was very contented living in the Clarendon Nursing Home. After meeting Maisie, 77, he grew even happier and fell deeply in love. Only last week Charlie plucked up the courage, got down on his knees and told her there were two things he would like to ask her.
Maisie smiled and replied, 'Alright.'
Charlie asked softly, 'Will you marry me?' .
Delighted, Maisie answered him, 'Yes.' She then asked Charlie what his second question was.
He replied, 'Maisie, will you help me get up, please?'
Rating
