Patient
Doctor (to a patient) : you must take four tea-spoonfuls of this medicine before every meal.
Patient: Doctor, we've only 3 spoons at home.
Rating 
Teacher
Teacher: "I killed a person" convert this sentence into future tense.
Student: The future tense is "u will go to jail".
Rating 
On The Other Hand
Once a man was walking and had a glove on one hand and not on other so the man asked him why did he do so.
He Replied that the weather forecast announced that on one hand it would be cold and on the other hand it would be hot.
Rating 
Clever Dog
A wife says to her husband one weekend morning, We've got such a clever dog, He brings in the daily newspapers every morning.
Her husband replies, Well, lots of dogs can do that.
The wife responded, But we've never subscribed to any!
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Short Time..
A boy young man to a young woman at a ball, Whenever I dance with you, themusic lasts only a short time.
The young women replied, No wonder,The band leader is my fiance.
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Good Follower
Patient: It's been one month since my last visit and I still feel miserable.
Doctor: Did you follow the instructions on the medicine I gave you?
Patient: I sure did - the bottle said 'keep tightly closed.'
Rating
School
Teacher: Ram, have you been copying Shyam's test again?
Ram: Yes, but how did you know?
Teacher: On question #1, Shyam put down "I don't know". And you put down "Me neither".
Rating
Bad News
Doctor: I have some bad news and some very bad news.
Patient: Well, might as well give me the bad news first.
Doctor: The lab called with your test results. They said you have 24 hours to live.
Patient: 24 hours! That's terrible! What could be worse? What's the very bad news?
Doctor: I've been trying to reach you since yesterday.
Rating
Doctor
Prisoner: Look here, doctor! You've already removed my spleen, tonsils, adenoids, and one of my kidneys. I only came to see if you could get me out of this place!
Doctor: I am, bit by bit.
Rating
Guy In A Bar
A guy walks into a bar and sits down next to a lady and a dog.
The man asks, "Does your dog bite?" The lady answers, "Never!"
The man reaches out to pet the dog, and the dog bites his hand. The man says, "Hey, I thought you said your dog doesn't bite!"
The woman replies, "He doesn't. That's not my dog."
Rating
College Guy
A young man hired by a supermarket reported for his first day of work. The manager greeted him with a warm handshake and a smile, gave him a broom and said,
"Your first job will be to sweep out the store."
"But I'm a college graduate!!" the young man replied indignantly.
"Oh, I'm sorry about the misunderstanding," said the manager.
"Here, give me the broom - I'll show you how."
Rating
Beans
A teacher asked her class for sentences using the word "beans"..
My Father grows beans," said one student. "My father cooks beans," said
another.
Then little Johnny spoke up: "We are all human beans."
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At First
FIRST National Bank of Washington Ill., tried to encourage
business through billboard advertising, but conveyed quite a different message when the following ad was displayed: "Loans make life easier, at FIRST."
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Last Respect
A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course.
He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer.
His friend says: "Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man."
The man then replies: "Yeah, well we were married 35 years."
Rating
Idiot
Son: Dad, what is an idiot?
Dad: An idiot is a person who tries to explain his ideas in such a strange and long way that another person who is listening to him can't understand him. Do you understand me?
Son: No.
Rating
Forget
Patient: Doc I keep on forgetting things.
Doctor: Since when did you have these problems?
Patient:What problems?
Rating
Student
Teacher: What is the chemical formula for water?
Sarah : "HIJKLMNO"!!
Teacher: What are you talking about?
Sarah: Yesterday you said it's H to O!
Rating
Happy Little Old Man
A woman walked up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch. 'I couldn't help noticing how happy you look,� she said. What's your secret for a long happy life?
I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day, he said. I also drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty foods, and never exercise.
That's amazing, the woman said. How old are you?
Twenty-six! he said.
Rating
Medical Terms Ignorant Meaning #1
Antibody Against everyone
Artery The study of the paintings.
Bacteria Back door to a cafeteria.
Caesarean section � A district in Rome.
Cardiology � Advance study of poker playing.
Cat scan � Searching for lost kitty.
Chronic � Neck of a crow.
Coma � Punctuation mark.
Cortisone � Area around local court.
Cyst � Short for sister.
Rating 
Ad for a good cook
Hotel Management gave advertisement for a good cook to recruit. One cook has sent one application as follows :
Dear Sir, I am a good cooker. If you appoint me, I am sure I will be able to cook you. When I was working earlier in a hotel I cooked them all.
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