Good News & Bad News
A man receives a phone call from his doctor.
The doctor says, "I have some good news and some bad news."
The man says, "OK, give me the good news first."
The doctor says, "The good news is, you have 24 hours to live."
The man replies, "Oh no! If that's the good news, then what's the bad news?"
The doctor says, "The bad news is, I forgot to call you yesterday."Rating
A guy says to his friend, "Guess how many coins I have in my pocket."
The friend says, "If I guess right, will you give me one of them?"
The first guy says, "If you guess right, I'll give you both of them."Rating
An Old Man Himself Had Hearing Problem
An old man was wondering if his wife had a hearing problem. So one day, he stood behind her
while she was sitting in her chair. He spoke softly
to her, "Honey, can you hear me?"
There was no response. He moved a little closer and said again, "Honey, can you hear me?"
Still, there was no response. Finally, he moved right behind her and said, "Honey, can you hear me?"
She replied, "for the third time, yes!"Rating
You Are a Housewife
One day a man spotted an old brass lamp by the roadside. He picked it up, rubbed the dirt off of it, and a genie appeared.
"I'll grant you your fondest wish," the genie said.
The man thought for a moment, then said, "I want a spectacular job - a job that no man has ever succeeded at or has ever attempted to do."
"Poof!" said the genie. "You are a housewife." :PRatingA Mans Feeling
A Man's Feeling :....
"It feels Like a Mini heart attack when I dont find my Mobile in my pocket .......
& its almost like Heart Fail when I see it in my Girlfriend's hand !Rating
Boss to an employee
BOSS to an employee....
.
"Do you believe in life after Death?"
.
EMPLOYEE.....
.
"Certainly not! There's no proof of it",
he replied.
.
.
BOSS: "Well, there is now. After you left
early yesterday to go to your uncle's
funeral, he came here looking for you.RatingDont Play With Students
Question: "How to Kill an Ant??"
Asked in an Exam for 10 Marks!!
Student:
Mix Chilli Powder with Sugar,
&
keep It Outside the Ant's Hole..!
After eating, Ant will Search for some Water near a Water tank.
Push ant in to it.. =!!
Now Ant will go to Dry itself Near Fire,
When it Reaches fire, Put a Bomb into D fire..!!
Then Admit Wounded Ant in ICU..!! =O
And Then Remove Oxygen Mask from it's Mouth and Kill the Ant.. !! =|
MORAL:
Don't Play with Students.. !!
They can Do any thing for 10 Marks..RatingDevils Vs. Angels Cricket Match
The Devils challenged the Angels to a game of cricket.
"But we've got all the cricketers," said the Angels.
"Yes. But we've got all the umpires!" exclaimed The Devils.RatingMen Are Better Friends
Women:
A wife was not at home for a whole night. So, the next morning, she tells her husband that she stayed at her girlfriend's apartment overnight.
The husband calls 10 of her best girlfriends and none of them confirm that.
Men
A husband was not at home for a whole night. So he tells his wife the next morning, that he stayed at his friend's apartment overnight.
So the wife calls 10 of his best friends: 5 of them confirmed that he stayed at their apartments that night, and the other 5 are claiming that he still is there with them!
RatingOne day a kindergarten class was having fun inside their classroom, then she asked them to find a partner and play Mommy and Daddy and asked them to behave like their Mom and Dad. the whole classroom was screaming and yelling their heads off. the teacher stopped them and said "STOP!I-"
A little girl spoke up and said, "what? u asked us to play Mom and Dad!"RatingField Equipment
A biologist phones his wife from his office and says, "Honey, something has just come up, I realize its not my field season, but I have to visit my field site for a week. So, would you pack my clothes, my field equipment and my blue silk pajamas? I'll be home in 1 hour to pick them up."
A week later he returned.
"Did you have a good trip, dear?" his wife asked.
"Oh, it was just a typical field trip, you know, work work work," he exclaimed, and added "But you forgot to pack my blue silk pajamas."
"No I didn't," she replied. "I put them in the box of field equipment!"Rating
Deodorant Issues
It was a really hot day at the office due to a malfunction with the air conditioning system. There were about twenty people in close quarters and everyone was sweating, even with a fan on.
All of a sudden, people started to wrinkle their noses at an odor passing through the air. It was the most hideous smell anyone had ever smelled.
One man, popping his head out of his cubicle said, "Oh, man! Someone's deodorant isn't working."
A man in the corner replied, "It can't be me... I'm not wearing any."RatingPet Turtle
"Mommy, my turtle is dead," the little boy, Johnny, sorrowfully told his mother, holding the turtle out to her in his hand.
The mother kissed him on the head, then said, "That's all right. We'll wrap him in tissue paper, put him in a little box, then have a nice burial ceremony in the back yard. After that, we'll go out for an ice cream soda, and then get you a new pet."
"Ice cream?" the little boy said, wiping his tears and smiling, "Oh! Boy!"
His mother said, "I don't want you..."
Her voice trailed off as she noticed the turtle move, "Johnny, you're turtle is not dead after all."
"Oh," the disappointed boy said. "Can I kill it?"RatingFacebook Love
My ex and I had a very amicable divorce. I know this because when I wrote the Facebook status I'm getting a divorce, he was the first one to click Like.RatingHow many?
A guy says to his friend, "Guess how many coins I have in my pocket."
The friend says, "If I guess right, will you give me one of them?"
The first guy says, "If you guess right, I'll give you both of them."
RatingLooking for a Wife
Fred is 32 years old and he is still single.
One day a friend asked, "Why aren't you married? Can't you find a woman who will be a good wife?"
Fred replied, "Actually, I've found many women that I have wanted to marry, but when I bring them home to meet my parents, my mother doesn't like them."
His friend thinks for a moment and says, "I've got the perfect solution, just find a girl who's just like your mother."
A few months later they meet again and his friend says, "Did you find the perfect girl? Did your mother like her?"
With a frown on his face, Fred answers, "Yes, I found the perfect girl. She was just like my mother. You were right, my mother liked her very much."
The friend said, "Then what's the problem?"
Fred replied, "My father doesn't like her."RatingOff-Duty Cop
An off-duty police officer, familiar with radar guns, drove through a school zone within the legal speed limit when the flash of a camera went off, taking a picture of his license plate.
The officer, thinking the radar was in error, drove by again even more slowly. Another flash. He did it again for a third time, at an even slower speed. Same result.
"This guy must have screwed up the settings," the off-duty officer thought.
A few weeks later, when he received the violations in the mail, he discovered three traffic tickets-each for not wearing a seat belt.RatingCow on the Tracks
A passenger train is creeping along, slowly. Finally it creaks to a halt. A passenger sees a conductor walking by outside.
"What's going on?" she yells out the window.
"Cow on the track!" replies the conductor.
Ten minutes later, the train resumes its slow pace. Within five minutes, however, it stops again. The woman sees the same conductor walk again.
She leans out the window and yells, "What happened? Did we catch up with the cow again?"RatingCrowded Bus
A man was riding on a crowded bus, standing room only. The bus stopped and an elderly lady got on carrying a large picnic basket. She stood right in front of the man and grabbed the overhead rail so the picnic basket was above the man's head.
Being a gentleman, he offered his seat to her. She quickly declined as she was only going a short distance.
Soon the picnic basket began to leak. The man felt something drop on top of his head. As he looked up it hit beside his nose and ran down across his lips.
He tasted it, looked up at the lady and asked, "Pickles?"
She replied, "No, no, puppies."RatingDrawing God
A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing.She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work.
As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.
The girl replied, "I'm drawing God."
The teacher paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like."
Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, "They will in a minute."Rating
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