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Fish Saved My Life
"Once I was dying," said Nasruddin one day, "It was then that a fish saved my life."
"How? Please tell me." asked a curious listener.
"I was dying out of hunger. There was a river nearby. I caught the fish and ate it. It saved my life."

 

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"When I was in the desert," said Nasruddin one day, "I caused an entire tribe of horrible and bloodthirsty bedouins to run."
"However did you do it?" asked a person.
"Easy. I just ran, and they ran after me.

 

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name of his other leg?"
My friend said he knew a man with a wooden leg named Smith.
So I asked him "What was the name of his other leg?"

 

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The Perfect Son.
A: I have the perfect son.
B: Does he smoke?
A: No, he doesn't.
B: Does he drink whiskey?
A: No, he doesn't.
B: Does he ever come home late?
A: No, he doesn't.
B: I guess you really do have the perfect son. How old is he?
A: He will be six months old next Wednesday.

 

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I can't work in the dark."
Two factory workers are talking.
The woman says, "I can make the boss give me the day off."
The man replies, "And how would you do that?"
The woman says, "Just wait and see." She then hangs upside-down from the ceiling.
The boss comes in and says, "What are you doing?"
The woman replies, "I'm a light bulb."
The boss then says, "You've been working so much that you've gone crazy. I think you need to take the day off."
The man starts to follow her and the boss says, "Where are you going?"
The man says, "I'm going home, too. I can't work in the dark."

 

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good wife
Fred is 32 years old and he is still single.

One day a friend asked, "Why aren't you married? Can't you find a woman who will be a good wife?"

Fred replied, "Actually, I've found many women I wanted to marry, but when I bring them home to meet my parents, my mother doesn't like them."

His friend thinks for a moment and says, "I've got the perfect solution, just find a girl who's just like your mother."

A few months later they meet again and his friend says, "Did you find the perfect girl? Did your mother like her?"

With a frown on his face, Fred answers, "Yes, I found the perfect girl. She was just like my mother. You were right, my mother liked her very much."

The friend said, "Then what's the problem?"

Fred replied, "My father doesn't like her."

 

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The First 3 Years of Marriage

In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens.
In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.
In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.

 

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Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock.

 

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Q: What happens when "you" and "I" are gone?
A: Only 24 letters are left. (you=the letter "u" and I the letter "i".)

 

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Q: What do you call a hippie's wife?
A: Mississippi.

 

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Q: What goes Oh, Oh, Oh?
A: Santa Claus walking backwards.

 

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These need to be written.

Q: What do you call a pig with three eyes?
A: A piiig.

 

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Q: What is white when it's dirty and black when it's clean?
A: A blackboard.

 

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Q: Where do you find giant snails?
A: On the ends of their fingers.

 

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Always put 'am' after an "I".
eacher: Tell me a sentence that starts with an "I".
Student: I is the...
Teacher: Stop! Never put 'is' after an "I". Always put 'am' after an "I".
Student: OK. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.

 

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A man is talking to God
The man: "God, how long is a million years?"
God: "To me, it's about a minute."
The man: "God, how much is a million dollars?"
God: "To me it's a penny."
The man: "God, may I have a penny?"
God: "Wait a minute."

 

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I'm a stranger
A very drunk man comes out of the bar and sees another very drunk man.
He looks up in the sky and says, "Is that the sun or the moon?"
The other drunk man answers, "I don't know. I'm a stranger here myself."

 

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Wedding Ring
A: Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?
B: Yes I am, I married the wrong woman.

 

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A Scotsman who was driving home one night, ran into a car driven by an Englishman. The Scotsman got out of the car to apologize and offered the Englishman a drink from a bottle of whisky. The Englishman was glad to have a drink.
"Go on," said the Scot, "have another drink."
The Englishman drank gratefully. "But don't you want one, too?" he asked the Scotsman.
"Perhaps," replied the Scotsman, "after the police have gone."

 

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World's Smallest Resignation Letter
Dear Sir,

I Love your Wife.

thank you.

 

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