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What do you call a fish without eyes? Fsh.

 

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Man: I know how to please a woman.
Woman: Then please leave me alone.

 

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A student asked his teacher how old she was. She promptly said, "39 and holding." Then the student asked, "Well, then, how old would you be if you let go?"

 

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Doctor: "I'm sorry but you suffer from a terminal illness and have only 10 to live."

Patient: "What do you mean, 10? 10 what? Months? Weeks?!"

Doctor: "Nine."

 

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A man and his wife were sitting in the living room discussing a "Living Will"

"Just so you know, I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug."

 

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Husband: I found Aladin's lamp today.
Wife: wow, what did u ask for darling??
Husband: I asked him to increase your brain ten times..
Wife: oh..jaan..luv u so much.. Did he do that??
Husband: He laughed and said multiplication doesn't apply on zero

 

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Wife : "Naari" Ka Matlab Kya Hai?
Husband : Naari Ka Matlab Hai Shakti.
Wife : To Phir Purush Ka Matlab Kya Hai?
Husband : 'Sahan Shakti'

 

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While getting married, most of the guys say to girl's parents dat, "Mai aapki beti ko shaadi ke baad bohot khush rakhunga"
Have you ever heard a girl saying something like this to the boy's parents....??????
No..... because women don't lie

 

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Now a Days!!
Position of Husband is like a Split A.C,
No matter how loud he is outside,
But inside the house
He is designed to remain silent, cool & controlled by remote called Wife.

 

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Wife to Husband: Will you take me out for dinner in the evening?
Your options are:
A) YES
B) A
C) B

 

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Husband (angrily): Why You was delaying to accept my call?
Wife (irritated): I was dancing on ringtones.

 

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A married man's best asset is...
.
.
.
His 'Lie-Ability'!

 

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Father to son: hey son! Why is your mother sitting so silent today??
.
.
.
.
Son: nothing dad.!!!!
she asked forlipstick and i heard favistick. Father: god bless you my dear son..

 

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Husband & Wife had a Fight.
Wife called Mom : He fought with me again, I am coming to home.
Mom : No Dear, he must pay for his mistake,
I am comming to stay with you at your home.

 

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Wife:What is 10 years with me?
Husband:A second.
Wife:What is $1000 for me?
Husband:A coin.
Wife: Ok give me a coin.
Husband:Wait a second

 

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When husband breaks a glass.
Wife: Break everything. Break all these bottles... break the kitchen... break the house... just break everything!
And when wife breaks a glass.
Wife: Who kept this glass here?.

 

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Husband sent an sms to wife:
thanks for making my life wonderful and being a part of my life. What ever
i am is only because of u, u r my angel thanks for coming in my life and making
it worth living. You're great.
She replied that sms: pee li na ? Ab chup chap ghar aa jao.. Daro mat..
Kuchh nahi bolungi..! !Husband: thank you.

 

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Women are like Fruits...
Every one has its unique colour, shape, aroma and taste....
Problem is with men...!
They want
FRUIT SALAD..!!

 

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Real Astronomers are in our family,
1st Mother who showed the moon in childhood.
2nd papa - who used to show the whole universe in just 1 slap.
Third wife - who shows stars during the day. This NASA is just confusion.

 

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Definition of Honeymoon:
a man's last holiday
before he starts working
for a new boss !!

 

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