- The reason there are two senators for each state is so that one can be the designated driver. Jay Leno
- A book of quotations . . . can never be complete. Similar to human wants. Robert M. Hamilton
- Nobody in the game of football should be called a genius. A genius is somebody like Norman Einstein. Unknown
- He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire. Sir Winston Churchill
- The universe may have a purpose, but nothing we know suggests that, if so, this purpose has any similarity to ours. Bertrand Russell
- There's so much pollution in the air now that if it weren't for our lungs there'd be no place to put it all. Unknown
- At 18 our convictions are hills from which we look; At 45 they are caves in which we hide. F. Scott Fitzgerald
- Lack of money is no obstacle. Lack of an idea is an obstacle. Ken Hakuta
- It is impossible to defeat an ignorant man in argument. William G. McAdoo
- The trouble with being poor is that it takes up all of your time. Willem de Kooning
- Sometimes what's right isn't as important as what's profitable. Trey Parker and Matt Stone
- A neurosis is a secret that you don't know you are keeping. Kenneth Tynan
- Cynicism is an unpleasant way of saying the truth. Lillian Hellman
- Even if you do learn to speak correct English, whom are you going to speak it to? Clarence Darrow
- War is a series of catastrophes that results in a victory. Georges Clemenceau
- You don't have to suffer to be a poet; adolescence is enough suffering for anyone. John Ciardi
- If at first you don't succeed, failure may be your style. Quentin Crisp
- A paranoid is someone who knows a little of what's going on. William S. Burroughs
- Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together. Carl Zwanzig
- The more you find out about the world, the more opportunities there are to laugh at it. Bill Nye
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