You cannot shake hands with a clenched fist. Indira Gandhi
Why is this thus? What is the reason for this thusness? Artemus Ward
The human race is faced with a cruel choice: work or daytime television. Unknown
It is the final proof of God's omnipotence that he need not exist in order to save us. Unknown
I think that somehow, we learn who we really are and then live with that decision. Eleanor Roosevelt
It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth. George Burns
I haven't slept for ten days, because that would be too long. Mitch Hedberg
Absurdity, n.: A statement or belief manifestly inconsistent with one's own opinion. Ambrose Bierce
For four-fifths of our history, our planet was populated by pond scum. J. W. Schopf
He may be mad, but there's method in his madness. There nearly always is method in madness. It's what drives men mad, being methodical. G. K. Chesterton
I bought a cactus. A week later it died. And I got depressed, because I thought, Damn. I am less nurturing than a desert. Demetri Martin
I felt like poisoning a monk. Umberto Eco
Advertising is a valuable economic factor because it is the cheapest way of selling goods, particularly if the goods are worthless. Sinclair Lewis
The entire economy of the Western world is built on things that cause cancer. From the 1985 movie "Bliss"
The days of the digital watch are numbered. Tom Stoppard
No one can have a higher opinion of him than I have, and I think he's a dirty little beast. W. S. Gilbert
The only people who find what they are looking for in life are the fault finders. Foster's Law
Cynically speaking, one could say that it is true to life to be cynical about it. Paul Tillich
If men could only know each other, they would neither idolize nor hate. Elbert Hubbard
It's never just a game when you're winning. George Carlin
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