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Mother: Why did you ask for money again? Daughter: Because I want to buy something nice for you, Mom! Mother: Oh, that's sweet. What are you planning to get me? Daughter: A wallet, so you won't have to keep giving me money!
 
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Mother: Why did you take so long to come home from school today? Daughter: Well, Mom, I had to stay after for a study group. Mother: That's good to hear. What were you studying? Daughter: The art of avoiding your questions, Mom!
 
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What's a pirate's favorite letter? You'd think it's the "R," but it's really the "C."
 
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How many apples can you grow on a tree? All of them.

 
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Patient: "Doctor, I've swallowed a pillow." Doctor: "How do you feel?" Patient: "A little soft on the inside."
 
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Child - Mom, I'm cold!
Mom - Go stand in the corner.
Child - Why?
Mom - Because it's 90 degrees!
 
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Patient: "Doctor, I'm addicted to Twitter."

Doctor: "I'm sorry, I don't follow you."

 
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MOM : “Wake up, son. It’s time to go to school.” SON : “But why, Mama? I don’t want to go to school.” MOM : “Give me two reasons why you don’t want to go to school.” SON : “One, all the children hate me. Two, all the teachers hate me.” MOM : “Oh! that’s not a reason. Come on, you have to go to school.” SON : “Give me two good reasons WHY I should go to school?” MOM : “One, you are FIFTY-TWO years old and should understand your responsibilities. Two, you are the PRINCIPAL of the school”
 
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Why did the doctor become a chef? Because they wanted to cure hunger pains!
 
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I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She gave me a hug.
 
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Why don't scientists trust atoms?
Because they make up everything!
 
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Why did the student bring a ladder to school? Because they wanted to go to high school!
 
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What do you call a teacher who never frowns? A geometry teacher, because they always stay positive!
 
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Why did the math book look sad? Because it had too many problems.
 
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Why did the banana go to the party?
Because it was a-peeling affair!
 
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What do you call a chapati that tells jokes? A "flapjack" comedian!
 
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Why did the cow go to space?
Because it wanted to see the moooon!
 
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Why did the pimple apply for a job? Because it wanted to finally pop up in the working world!
 
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I asked the librarian if they had books on paranoia. She whispered, "They're right behind you."
 
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Why do bees have sticky hair? Because they use honeycombs.
 
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