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In a Grammar class :
Teacher:- "HE does not like girls"

What is 'He' in this sentence. .
Student :- Gay. . .
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LADY : Doctor please call in my husband.

DOCTOR : Trust me, I am a gentleman.

LADY : No doc, your nurse is sitting outside alone and my husband is not a gentleman. :P
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Three dreams of a man:
To be as handsome as his mother thinks.
To be as rich as his child believes.
To have as many women as his wife suspects...

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No use to me
A librarian said to a man asking for a thriller: 'I can recommend you this book. It is a hair-raising story.'
'No use to me,' said the reader, 'I'm bald-headed.'
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What Is In My Bag A Fool Said:

First stupid (another idiot) - they tell you what's in my bag so I'm gonna give all my eggs in bag |
Another stupid - man, some wherebouts So tell me |
The first fool - that thing up in white and yellow - pale |
Another stupid - Then why not call it the carrot is camouflaged within radish |
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Who Is The Most Obedient

The father of five children had won a toy at a raffle. He called his kids together to ask which one should have the present.

"Who is the most obedient?" he asked. "Who never talks back to mother? Who does everything she says?"

Five small voices answered in unison, "Okay, dad, you get the toy."

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Got be filled in CAPITAL
Devindar went into The Bank of India and asked to open a current account. The cashier was surprised when Devindar left the building saying he would return after he had been to Delhi.
When asked why he was visiting Delhi, he retorted that the application form said: 'Got be filled in CAPITAL.
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chemical formula of water
Teacher: who will tell the chemical formula of water?
One student: Its "h.i.j.k.l.m.n.o."
Teacher: What is this?
Student: Mam, yesterday you told us that it is H to O !!

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6 times 7 is ?
Teacher: "Who can tell me what 7 times 6 is?"
Student: "It is 42 mam!"
Teacher: "great, and who will tell me what 6 times 7 is?"
Same student: "It 24 mam."

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Student1 :Do you want to hear a dirty joke?
Student 2: OK
Student 1: A white horse fell in the mud.
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Some Common lines after boys get drunk
--> You are my brother..
--> I will drive the car..
--> I love you from my heart..
--> Today i am not feeling drunk..
--> Don't think that i am saying all this because i am drunk..
--> Let's have one more glass..
--> Ask me what you need, i can even die for you..
--> Don't teach your father..
And the best one...
----> i will stop drinking from tomorrow..
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Let's go home, Father
Once in a bar, one guy said to another..
"I slept with your mom last night."
after that whole bar was waiting another guy's response.

After a while... he laughs and says: Let's go home, Father, you are drunk....
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Too many problems.
Son asked to father: Why was the math book sad?
Father replied :Because it had too many problems.
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why don't you advised your friend
wife: why don't you advised your friend to select his wife hence she is not a match with him?
husband: mmmm.... becoz he didn't advised me on that time
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Love v/s Marriage!

Love is holding hands in the street.

Marriage is holding arguments in the street.

Love is cuddling on a sofa.

Marriage is one of them sleeping on a sofa.

Love is talking about having children.

Marriage is talking about getting away from children.

Love is going to bed early.

Marriage is going to sleep early.

Love is sweet nothing in the ear.

Marriage is sweet nothing in the bank.

TV has no place in love.

Marriage is a fight for remote control.

Love is 1 drink and 2 straws.

Marriage is "Don't you think you've had enough!".

Conclusion: "Love is blind , Marriage is an eye opener!"
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Its Jim'S Birthday, So His Wife Decides To Surprise Him
Its Jim's birthday, so his wife decides to surprise him,
she takes him to a Strip Club.
At the club -
DOORMAN: Hey Jim! How are you?
WIFE: How does he know you?
JIM: We play Golf together!
BARTENDER: The usual beer Jim?
WIFE: And how does he know you?
JIM: He's on the Bowling Team!
HOT STRIPPER: The special Lap Dance again, Jim?
The Wife storms out dragging Jim with her, into a taxi!
TAXI DRIVER: Hey Jimmy boy .You picked an ugly one this time Same Hotel?
Today is Jim's death anniversary
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Father'S Occupation

"What's your father's occupation?" asked the school secretary, filling in the forms at the start of the academic year.

"He's a magician," said the small boy.

"How interesting! What's his favourite trick?"

"Sawing people in half."

"Really? Now, next question. Any brothers or sisters?"

"Yes. One half-brother and two half-sisters
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Impact Of Job Change
A passenger tap on the shoulder of cab driver to ask a question. The driver screamed, lost control and dashed to divider. He asked the passenger not to do it again.Passenger- I didn't realisize that a tap will make you so imbalance. Driver- Today is my first day as cab driver. For last 25 years I have been driving a van carrying dead bodies.
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Standing In Front Of The Door
Mr Been: He is standing in front of the door.
Wife:Why r u standing in front of the door?
Mr Been: I want to kill tiger.
Wife: Then go.
Mr Been: In front of me there is a dog.
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Dad Can I Have 50rs?
Me: Dad can I have 50Rs?

Dad: 40Rs? What do you need 30Rs for? 20Rs is more than enough! Here's 10Rs now give your brother half
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