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At late night wife's smartphone beeps. Husband checks her mobile and gets angry. He wakens his wife. Husband (angrily); who is this person saying beautiful??? Surprised wife checks her mobile. Wife (double angrily): hey. use your spectacles. It is not beautiful. It is battery full.
 
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What is the height of Misunderstanding?
Man marrying his own secretary thinking that she will still follow his orders as before...
 
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1 day god erased a men's memory and asked: 'do you remember anyone now". Man replied: Yes my wife name and God Smiled and said: "Reformatted but, still the Virus Is Not Removed"
 
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Dad: Did you pass in the exam? Munni: Our Whole class passed but our teacher failed. Dad: How...? Munni: She is stills teaching the same class..
 
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Teacher: What is a line? Student: A line is a dot that's going for a walk. Teacher: Than what is parallel lines? Student: A dot going for a walk with his girlfriend.
 
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Teacher: Today we are going to talk about the tenses. Now if I say "I am Beautiful"
which tense is it?

Student: Obviously it is the Past tense.
 
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Boy: What do you think about our love
Girl: Try to count the stars in the sky
Boy: Aww... Its infinite?
Girl: No, its waste of time..
 
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Wife: Had your lunch?
Husband: Had your lunch?
Wife: I am asking you
Husband: I am asking you
Wife: You copying me?
Husband: You Copying me.
Wife: Lets go Shopping
Husband: Yes I had my lunch..
 
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A mother and son were walking through a cemetery, and passed by a headstone inscribed 'Here lies a good lawyer and an honest man.' The little boy read the headstone, looked up at his mother, and asked "Mommy, why did they bury two men there?"
 
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A lawyer was walking down the street and saw an auto accident. He rushed over, started handing out business cards, and said, “I saw the whole thing. I’ll take either side.”
 
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A policeman stops a lady and asks for her license. He says, "Lady, it says
here that you should be wearing glasses."
The woman answered, "Well, I have contacts."
The policeman replied, "I don’t care who you know! You’re getting a ticket!"
 
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How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?
His lips are moving.
 
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The Fire Brigade were trying to rescue an Irishman from the 10th floor of a burning building.
Fireman shouts: "Jump and we’ll catch you in this blanket!"
Irishman replies: "Get lost, I don’t trust you, lay it on the floor!"
 
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They say if you can’t stand the heat, get out of the kitchen… Which is why I lost my job as a firefighter.
 
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Wife: "Whenever I keep money in my purse, our son steals it! I don’t know what to do?"

 
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Lady (to her doctor): "What l am worried about is my height and not my weight."

Doctor: "How come?"

Lady: "According to my weight, my height should be 7 feet, 8 inches."
 
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A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them. His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing. The man says "I'm sending out 1,000 Valentine cards signed, 'Guess who?'" "But why?" asks the man. "I'm a divorce lawyer," the man replies.

 
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I want a divorce! "But you made a vow in the church that we remain together till death do us part." "I guess you are right. Very well, go ahead and drink up the tea I made for you."

 
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A friend of mine just got divorced. He and his ex-wife split the house. He got the outside.

 
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Q: Can February march?
A: No, but April may.
 
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