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Henry: Hey Jacob, How’s everything?

Jacob: I’m good buddy. How are you?

Henry: I’m good too.

After a long chat

Jacob: Shall we play truth or dare game?

Henry: Sure

Jacob: Truth or dare?

Henry: Truth

Jacob: Alright, have you ever lie to me?

Henry: I mean dare. Damn you autocorrect.

Jacob: Alright, I dare you to answer the question.
 
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Richard and Steve are text each other after a long time. In the middle of the conversation

Richard: Hey dude, I’m bored. Tell me a good joke.

Steve: Sure.

Steve: How do you keep an idiot in suspense?

Richard: I don’t know. How?

After one minute

Richard: I’m waiting for your answer

After three minutes

Richard: Hellooooooooooo

After five minutes

Richard: Why don’t you answer?

Steve laughing without sends him a reply.
 
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Steve makes a call to Jude after a long time

Steve: Hi Jude, How are you mate?

Jude: I’m good and happy to hear from you after a long time.

Steve: Yes Jude, I’m little busy here. Anyway, I called you because wanna congratulate you.

Jude: Thank you very much, Steve. It’s so nice.

Steve: Today is one of the happiest days in your life. So enjoy the day.

Jude: But my marriage is fixed for tomorrow.

Steve: That’s why I said, today is one of your happiest days.

Jude cut the phone connection and Steve laughs on the floor.
 
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They say milk gives strength.
I drank 4 cups and couldn’t move a wall.
But when I took 4 bottles of beers,
I saw the wall moving itself.
These scientists should better stop their lies.
 
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What’s the different between a cat and a comma?
A cat has claws at the end of paws; A comma is a pause at the end of a clause.
 
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A man tells his doctor, “Doc, help me. I’m addicted to Twitter!”
The doctor replies, “Sorry, I don’t follow you …”
 
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Where are average things manufactured?
The satisfactory.
 
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Hear about the new restaurant called Karma?
There’s no menu: You get what you deserve.
 
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Yesterday I saw a guy spill all his Scrabble letters on the road. I asked him, “What’s the word on the street?”
Once my dog ate all the Scrabble tiles. For days he kept leaving little messages around the house.
 
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Helvetica and Times New Roman walk into a bar.
“Get out of here!” shouts the bartender. “We don’t serve your type.”
 
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Why do we tell actors to “break a leg?”
Because every play has a cast.
 
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A man asks a farmer near a field, “Sorry sir, would you mind if I crossed your field instead of going around it? You see, I have to catch the 4:23 train.”

The farmer says, “Sure, go right ahead. And if my bull sees you, you’ll even catch the 4:11 one.”
 
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Two police officers crash their car into a tree. After a moment of silence, one of them says, “Wow, that’s got to be the fastest we ever got to the accident site.”
 
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A family of mice were surprised by a big cat. Father Mouse jumped and and said, “Bow-wow!” The cat ran away. “What was that, Father?” asked Baby Mouse. “Well, son, that’s why it’s important to learn a second language.”
 
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Two men are discussing their lives. One says, “I’m getting married. I’m sick of a messy apartment, dirty dishes, and no clothes to wear.” The other one says, “Hey, I’m getting divorced for the same reasons.”
 
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Wife:
Today, I want to relax,
so I have brought three movie tickets.

Husband: why three tickets?

Wife: you and your parents.
 
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A sweet grandmother telephoned St. Joseph's Hospital and she timidly asked, "Is it possible to speak to someone who can tell me how a patient is doing?"

The operator responded, "I'll be glad to help, dear. What's the patient's name and room number?"

The grandmother in her weak tremulous voice said, "Norma Findlay, Room 302."

The operator replied, "Let me place you on hold while I check with her nurse."

After a few minutes the operator returned to the phone.

"Oh, good news. Her nurse has told me that Norma is doing very well. Her blood pressure is fine; her blood work just came back as normal. And her physician, Dr. Cohen, has scheduled her to be discharged Tuesday."

The grandmother said, "Thank you. That's wonderful. I was so worried! God bless you for the good news."

The operator replied, "You're more than welcome. Is Norma your daughter?"

The grandmother said, "No, I'm Norma Findlay in Room 302. No one tells me anything."
 
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When you're stressed, you eat ice cream, cake, chocolate and sweets. Why? Because stressed spelled backwards is desserts.
 
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Boy : My father name is laughing and my mother name is Smiling.

Teacher: YOumust be Kidding

Boy: No, thats my brother. I am joking.

 
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Teacher: What's the past participle of the verb "to ring?"
Student: What do you think, sir?
Teacher: I don't think. I KNOW.
Student: I don't think I know either, sir.
 
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