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A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous.Ingrid Bergman

 
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I got another letter from this lawyer today. It said Final Notice. Good that he will not bother me anymore.

 
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Job interviewer: And where would you see yourself in five years, time Mr. Jeffries?
Mr. Jeffries: Personally I believe my biggest weakness is in listening.

 
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Doctor: I'm sorry but you suffer from a terminal illness and have only 10 to live.Patient: What do you mean, 10? 10 what? Months? Weeks?!
Doctor: Nine.


 
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One day a Professor was talking about marriage in the class Professor: What kind of Wife would you like Pappu? Pappu: I would want a wife like the moon Professor: Wow What a choice So you want her to be Cool Calm like the moon? Pappu: No no Professor: Oh so you want her to be Round and white? Pappu: No no Professor: Oh so you want her to be Fair and Beautiful like the moon? Pappu: No no I want her to be Exactly like The MOON Just Arrive at Night and Disappear in the Morning Professor fainted.

 
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Teacher: What is the name of the capital city of Punjab ? Pappu: Amritsar Teacher: Pappu you are wrong you need to focus more on your studies Pappu: Please madam can I ask you a few questions Teacher: Yes go ahead Pappu: Do you know Jeeto ? Teacher: No Pappu: Do you know Preeto ? Teacher: No Pappu: Do you know Banto? Teacher: (Angry) Hell no Who are all these people and why do you ask ? Pappu: Teacher you need to Focus more on your husband

 
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A kindergarten teacher handed out a coloring page to her class On it was a picture of a duck holding an umbrella The teacher told her class to color the duck in yellow and the umbrella green however Pappu the class rebel colored the duck in a bright fire truck red After seeing this the teacher asked him Pappu how many times have you seen a red duck? Young Pappu replied with The same number of times I ve seen a duck holding an umbrella.

 
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Beta: Papa apki shaadi ho gayi,
Papa: Haan.
Beta: Kis se hui,P
apa: Bewkuf teri mummy, se,
Beta: Wah papa ghar me hi setting kar li

 
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Ek Pagal: Mujhe Katrina ne shadi k lye haan bol di hai, Doosra: Dikha di na usne apni auqat Main bhi itni asani se tallaaq nahi dunga.

 
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Marriage is a 3 ring circus. engagement ring, wedding ring and Suffering....

 
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3 chor Pappu, Billu aur Aaloou police se bachne ke liye 3 borio me chup gaye... Police wale ne pehle bori par lat maari... Pappu bola: bow bow.... Police wala: Isme kutta hai. Fir dusri bori par lat mari.. Billu bola: meow meow... Policewala: Isme billi hai... Fir teesri bori par laat maari to koi awaaz nahi aayi... Toh usne do laat maari fir bhi koi awaaz nahi aayi fir 20-25 laat marne ke baad Aaloo zor se bola: Saale haramkhor aaloo hun aaloo... Aaloo kabhi bolta hai kya??
 
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I dont care what people think of me.. Atleast mosquitoes find me attractive...

 
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Ek Kanjus blade se haat chir raha tha
uski biwi boli: kya kar rahe ho
kanjus bola: Dettol gir gaya tha
socha q barbad karu haat chir ke lagalu
 
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Exams are like girls: Too Many Questions, Difficult to Understand, More explanation needed, Finally result is failed..!

 
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I asked my new girl friend what sort of books she's interested in.. She said Cheque Book..

 
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An Old man has 8 hair on his head. He went to Barber shop. Barber in anger asked: shall i cut or count ? Old man smiled and said: "Colour it!"

 
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A woman in labour suddenly shouted "Shouldn’t!, “Wouldn’t”, “Couldn’t, Didn’t, Can’t” “Don’t worry”, said the doc. “Those are just contractions”.

 
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Hear about the new restaurant called Karma? There’s no menu: You get what you deserve.

 
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Yo momma is so fat, when she sat on an iPod, she made the iPad!

 
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How come the liquor stores don’t have empty shelves? Don’t people understand that they will be quarantined with their spouses and kids?

 
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