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A woman in labor suddenly shouted, "Shouldn’t! Wouldn’t! Couldn’t! Didn’t! Can’t!"

"Don’t worry," said the doctor. "Those are just contractions."

 

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Me, as a kid: Hey, I have that toy! Me, as an adult: Hey, I’m on that medication.

 

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How can Santa fight with Karate skills? Because he has a black belt.

 

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A Man and a Woman were traveling in a train.

Woman: Every time you Smile. I feel like inviting you to my place.

Man: Aww....'Are you single?
Woman: No, I am a dentist.

 

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How did the Barber win the Race?
He knew a shortCut

 

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What Are The Most Power Full Three Words... Other Than "I Love You"? . . . . . . "Salary Is Credited"

 

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Teacher: Can you tell the name of 2 great Kings who have brought happiness and peace into people's lives?"
Student: Smoking and Drinking"!!!
Teacher Resigned !

 

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Dress Code For A Party Is "Black Ties Only". Pappu Goes For The Party & Is Surprised To See That The Other Guests Are Wearing Suits Also.

 

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Question: "When Do You Congratulate Someone For Their Mistake." Answer: "On Their Marriage."

 

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A Scientist And A Philosopher Were Being Chased By A Hungry Lion. The Scientist Made Some Quick Calculations He Said: It’s No Good Trying To Outrun It, Its Catching Up. The Philosopher Kept A Little Ahead And Replied. Philosopher: I Am Not Trying To Outrun The Lion, I Am Trying To Outrun You!

 

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At PVR- One Chicken Burger Please… Sir, Do You Want Me To Vomit?… What? Shall I Vomit Sir?(30 Seconds Of Looooong Pause….) Oh Ya Ya Please…… Please Warm It…

 

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Santa Was Awarded 2010 Nobel Prize For His New Theory Of Motion Which States Loose Motion Can Never Be Done In Slow Motion.

 

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Men Are Like Bluetooth… Always Connected When Wife Is Around… The Moment Wife Is Away… They Automatically Starts Searching For New Devices…

 

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Girl To Mom: Mom I Have Started Loving A Boy Mom: What? How Old Is He? What Does He Do? Girl: He Is 3 Months Old, Happily Kicking In My Stomach.

 

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Two Guys Coming Out Of The Examination Hall With Chips And Coke In Hand. 1st Guy: Which Paper Was It? 2nd Guy: I Think, Math 1st Guy: Surprisingly, You Read The Question Paper? 2nd Guy: No, I Saw The Girl Sitting Besides Me Using Calculator

 

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Q:"What Is The Most Dangerous Alphabet?" A:"W" Because All Worries Start With "W" Who? Why? What? When? Which? Where? War

 

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A Boy Was Going With His Girlfriend.

A Friend Asked: Who Is She?

Boy: My Cousin

The Friend Smiled & Said: Last Year She Was My Cousin.

 

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Boss Calls His Employee In His Office.

Boss: Do You Believe In Life After Death?

Employee: Certainly Not, There Is No Proof Of It.

Boss: Well, There Is Now, After You Leave Early To Go To Your Uncle’s Funeral Yesterday, He Came Here Looking For You.

 

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Paper And Money Were Talking To Each Other. Paper To Money: "You Are Just A Piece Of Paper." Money Smiled: "Of Course I Am Just A Piece Of Paper But I Havn’t Seen A Dustbin In My Life."

 

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A Journalist Went To A Mental Hospital And Asked A Doctor,

Journalist: "How Do You Determine Whether To Admit A Patient Or Not?"

Doctor: "Well, We First Fill A Bathtub And Give A Teaspoon, A Glass & A Bucket To The Patient And Ask Them To Empty The Bathtub."

Journalist: "Yeah, Obviously A Normal Person Would Use The Bucket Because Its Bigger."

Doctor: "No, A Normal Person Would Pull The Drain Plug, Now Will You Please Proceed To Bed No.39."

 

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