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Girl: I'm not feeling well today.
Boy: Oh! That's too bad, I thought of taking you for shopping today.
Girl: I was joking.
Boy: Me Too.

 

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Mistakes do Happen
Man : why is your wife shouting at you?
Friend : She told me to upload her photo in facebook, I uploaded in olx.

 

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Smart Beggar
People were waiting for the bus at a bus stop during heavy rain......In the mean time a beggar came, begged money from all....

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Hired a TAXI & went.

 

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Making Their Eyes Roll

A Montana sheep farmer was driving down the road outside of Billings one day when a State Trooper pulls him over and says, "Hey buddy, you know you just made a U-turn"?
The farmer replies, "I did? I know sometimes I make their eyes roll."

 

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Car In The Swimming Pool
Wife: "There's trouble with the car. It has water in the carburetor."
Husband: "Water in the carburetor? That's ridiculous."
Wife: "I tell you the car has water in the carburetor."
Husband: "You don't even know what a carburetor is. Where's the car?"
Wife: "In the swimming pool."

 

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A lady opened her refrigerator and saw a rabbit sitting on one of the shelves,
"What are you doing in there?" she asked.
The rabbit replied, "This is a Westinghouse, isn't it?"
The lady confirmed, "Yes." "Well," the rabbit said, "I'm westing."

 

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Sell The Limpy Horse
A rancher asked his veterinarian for some free advice. "I have a horse that walks normally sometimes, and sometimes he limps. What shall I do?"
The Vet replied, "The next time he walks normally, sell him."

 

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Fish walks into a bar

A fish walks into a bar, the bartender asks,
"What would you like?" the fish says holding his neck,
"Water".

 

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Making Myself Pretty

Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face. 'Why do you do that, mommy?' he asked. 'To make myself beautiful,' said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue.
'What's the matter?' asked Little Johnny. 'Giving up?'

 

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The Walking Pigeon

A couple of pigeons made a date to meet on the ledge outside the tenth floor of a skyscraper. The female was there on time, but the male arrived an hour late.
"Where were you? I was worried sick."
"It was such a nice day, I decided to walk."

 

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Patient: Doctor, doctor I have only 58 seconds to live!!!!!!
Doctor: I'll be with you in a minute

 

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A man goes to the doctor and says, "Doc., everytime I drink coffee, I get terrible pains in my eye." The doctor says, "Try taking the spoon out first."

 

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A man consults a therapist and states, "Doc, I'm suicidal. What should I do?"
The doctor replies, "Pay in advance."

 

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The Man With No Arms
A man sees a beautiful woman.
Approaching her, and in his coolest Barry White tone says: " If good looks where a minute, you would be an hour"
The woman looks deep into the man's eyes and in her sexiest voice replies: "If good looks were within your reach, you wouldn't have any arms."

 

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Difference Between Washing Machine & Internet
As a member of an Internet awareness survey team, we had visited a home. The unruly owner asked, "Tell me the difference between washing machine & Internet?" When I was cursing my luck, my colleague answered, "The former washes your cloth and the later washes your brain."

 

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Heather: I noticed by this article that men become bald much more than women because of the intense activity of their brains.
John: Yes, and I notice that women do not grow beards because of the intense activity of their chins!

 

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Master: How Old is your father?

Pappu: As old as I am.

Master: How is it possible?

Pappu: He became father only after I was born.

 

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The Invisible Patient
A psychiatrist's secretary walks into his study and says,
"There's a gentleman in the waiting room asking to see you.
Claims he's invisible."

The psychiatrist responds, "Tell him I can't see him."

 

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Channels
The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn't paying attention in class. She called on him and said, 'Johnny! What are 2 and 4 and 28 and 44?
'Little Johnny quickly replied, 'NBC, FOX, ESPN and the Cartoon Network!'

 

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The Shrinking Patient
A man rushed into the doctor's office and shouted, "Doctor! I think I'm shrinking!" The doctor calmly responded, "Now, settle down. You'll just have to be a little patient."

 

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