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Fish walks into a bar

A fish walks into a bar, the bartender asks,
"What would you like?" the fish says holding his neck,
"Water".
 
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Making Myself Pretty

Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face. 'Why do you do that, mommy?' he asked. 'To make myself beautiful,' said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue.
'What's the matter?' asked Little Johnny. 'Giving up?'
 
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The Walking Pigeon

A couple of pigeons made a date to meet on the ledge outside the tenth floor of a skyscraper. The female was there on time, but the male arrived an hour late.
"Where were you? I was worried sick."
"It was such a nice day, I decided to walk."
 
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Patient: Doctor, doctor I have only 58 seconds to live!!!!!!
Doctor: I'll be with you in a minute

 
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A man goes to the doctor and says, "Doc., everytime I drink coffee, I get terrible pains in my eye." The doctor says, "Try taking the spoon out first."
 
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A man consults a therapist and states, "Doc, I'm suicidal. What should I do?"
The doctor replies, "Pay in advance."
 
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1 2 3 4 5

The Man With No Arms
A man sees a beautiful woman.
Approaching her, and in his coolest Barry White tone says: " If good looks where a minute, you would be an hour"
The woman looks deep into the man's eyes and in her sexiest voice replies: "If good looks were within your reach, you wouldn't have any arms."
 
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1 2 3 4 5

Difference Between Washing Machine & Internet
As a member of an Internet awareness survey team, we had visited a home. The unruly owner asked, "Tell me the difference between washing machine & Internet?" When I was cursing my luck, my colleague answered, "The former washes your cloth and the later washes your brain."
 
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Heather: I noticed by this article that men become bald much more than women because of the intense activity of their brains.
John: Yes, and I notice that women do not grow beards because of the intense activity of their chins!
 
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Master: How Old is your father?

Pappu: As old as I am.

Master: How is it possible?

Pappu: He became father only after I was born.
 
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1 2 3 4 5

The Invisible Patient
A psychiatrist's secretary walks into his study and says,
"There's a gentleman in the waiting room asking to see you.
Claims he's invisible."

The psychiatrist responds, "Tell him I can't see him."
 
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Channels
The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn't paying attention in class. She called on him and said, 'Johnny! What are 2 and 4 and 28 and 44?
'Little Johnny quickly replied, 'NBC, FOX, ESPN and the Cartoon Network!'
 
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The Shrinking Patient
A man rushed into the doctor's office and shouted, "Doctor! I think I'm shrinking!" The doctor calmly responded, "Now, settle down. You'll just have to be a little patient."
 
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Friend Of Duck
An American tourist was lunching in a restaurant in China where the specialty was duck. The waiter explained each dish as he brought it to the table. "This is the breast of the duck; this the leg of the duck; this is the wing of the duck; etc." Then came the dish that the American knew was chicken. He waited for the explanation. Silence. "Well?" he finally asked, "What's this?" The waiter replied, "It's a friend of duck."
 
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"How are you getting on with your football, Jack?"
"Well, Dad, pretty good. The coach said I was one of the team's greatest drawbacks!"
 
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Why did the woman only change her baby's diaper once a month?
On the package it read "good for up to 15 pounds"
 
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Scientists Have Discovered
A Certain Activity That
Diminishes A Woman's Anger
By 90 Percent
.
.
.
S H O P P I N G ..
 
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Iron Deficiency Anemia.
If You Have "Magnetic"
Personality And Still You
Can't Attract A Girl
Towards You
.
.
.
.
That Means
.
.
.
The Girl Has "Iron
Deficiency Anemia."
 
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A family was having dinner and the little boy said,"Dad I don't like the holes in the cheese!" Well son, eat the cheese and leave the holes on the side of the plate.
 
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The Dirty Little Boy
A dirty little boy was playing at the playground and walked up to his mother and asked, "Who am I?" The mother replied, "I don't know! Who are you?" the little boy said excitedly, "WOW! My teacher was right. She said that I was so dirty that even my own mother wouldn't recognize me."
 
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