Lifelong ambition
In the traffic court of a large mid-western city, a young lady was brought before the judge to answer a ticket given her for driving through a red light.
She explained to his honor that she was a school teacher and requested an immediate disposal of her case in order that she might hasten on to her classes.
A wild gleam came into the judge's eye. 'You are a school teacher, eh?' said she.
'Madam, I shall realize my lifelong ambition. Sit down at that table and write 'I went through a red light' five hundred times.'
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Throat Problem
Doctor: You have throat problem? Have you ever gargled with salt water?
Patient: Yes. In last summer, I was almost drowned while swimming.
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Old Aged Wife
Doctor: Tell your wife not to worry about the slight deafness. It is an indication of old age.
Husband: Doctor, would you yourself please tell this to her?
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Dental Horrors
Dentist: For God's sake, stop making such noises and waving your arms. I haven't even touched your tooth yet.
Patient : Yes, I know. But you are standing on my foot.
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Blood Test
Doctor: Mr. John, you look exhausted.
John: I am. When your nurse phoned me yesterday and told me that I have to come today for a blood test, I spent the whole night studying for it.
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The Bill a Boy Found
A little boy came home with a eight-dollar bill and said he found it.
"Are you sure it was lost?" asked his mother.
"Sure,I'm sure," said the little boy."I saw the man looking for it."
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Starve all night
"Waitress," shouted the impatient diner, "do I have to sit here and starve all night?"
"no, sir, we close at ten o'clock."
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Choice of weapons
A little boy came home from the playground with a bloody nose, black eye, and torn clothing.
It was obvious he'd been in a bad fight and lost. While his father was patching him up, he asked his son what happened.
"Well, Dad," said the boy, "I challenged Jerry to a duel. And, you know, I gave him his choice of weapons."
"Uh-huh," said the father, "that seems fair."
"I know, but I never thought he'd choose his big sister!"
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Cheating
>One classmate to other, how did you do your test, I gave blank sheet.
Other classmate, Oh my God, teacher would think we cheated.
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Standing in Line
Everybody on earth dies and goes to heaven.
God comes and says, "I want the men to make two lines. One line for the men that dominated their women on earth and the other line for the men that were dominated by their women. Also, I want all the women to go with St. Peter."
With that said and done, the next time God looked, the women are gone and there are two lines. The line of the men that were dominated by their women was 100 miles long, and in the line of men that dominated their women, there was only one man.
God got mad and said, "You men should be ashamed of yourselves. I created, you in my image and you were all whipped by your mates. Look at the only, one of my sons that stood up and made me proud. Learn from him! Tell them my son, how did you manage to be the only one in this line?"
The man replied " My wife said to stand in this line."
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Poor People
Son to his mother "The people next door must be poor".
Mother said, "Why do you say that?"
The son replied, "Because they made such a fuss when the baby swallowed a ten paise coin."
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Stolen Parts
A drunk phoned the local police department to report that thieves had been in his car. "They have stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, even the accelerator," he cried out.
However, before the police investigation could start, the phone rang a second time, and the same voice came over the line.
"Never mind," the drunk said with a hiccup. "I got in the back seat by mistake."
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Reverse
Teacher: What is 5 plus 4?
Mr.james: 9.
Teacher: What is 4 plus 5?
Mr.james: Are you trying to fool me, you've just twisted the figure, the answer is 6!!
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Time
one man calls Air India.
"How long does it take to fly to America?"
"Just a sec," says the receptionist.
Thank you." says the man and hangs up.
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Mobile Number
Shyam bought a new mobile.
He called everyone from his Phone Book & said "My Mobile No. has changed.
Earlier it was Nokia 3310 Now it is 6610".
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Bombay
Chikku traveling 1st time in plane going to BOMBAY,
while landing, he shouted : "BOMBAY-BOMBAY",
Air hostess : B-silent please.
Chikku said : " OMBAY - OMBAY..."
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Heaven
Teacher: "All those who wish to go to heaven, put your hands up."
All the children put up their hands except for Sharanya.
Teacher: "Sharanya, don't you want to go heaven?"
Sharanya: "Well, Miss, my mum said I had to go straight home after school."
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Winner
Kid:why are all these people running?
Mother: This is a race, the winner will get the cup.
Kid:If only the winner will get the cup, why are others running?
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Intelligent boy
Boy: What is the name of your car?
Lady: I forgot the name, but is starts with 'T'.
Boy: Oh, what a strange car, starts with Tea. All cars that I know start with petrol.
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Bomb
2 Mens were fixing a bomb in a car.
1st Men: What would you do if the bomb explodes while fixing.
2nd men: Dont worry, I have one more.
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