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Occasional Mistake


An employee approached his boss regarding a dispute on his pay-check...

Employee: Sir, this is $100 less than my salary.

Boss: I know. But last month, when you were overpaid $100, by mistake, you didn't complain!

Employee: Well, I don't mind an occasional mistake, sir, but it seems to be becoming an habit, now!
 
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For Wife

"And will there be anything else, sir?" the bellboy asked after setting out an elaborate dinner for two.

"No thank you," the man replied. "That will be all."

As the bellboy turned to leave, he noticed a beautiful satin negligee on the bed. "Anything for your wife, sir?" he asked.

"Yeah! That's a good idea," the man said. "Please bring me a postcard."
 
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Bragging Truth
Three little boys were bragging about how tough they were.'I'm so tough', said the first boy, 'that I can wear out a pair of shoes in a week'.

'Well', said the second little boy, 'I'm so tough, I can wear out a pair of jeans in a day'.

'That's nothing', said the third boy. 'When my parents take me to see my grandma and grandpa, I can wear them out in a hour'.
 
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Discipline
A school teacher injured his back and had to wear a plaster cast around the upper part of his body. It fit under his shirt and was not noticeable at all. On the first day of the term, still with the cast under his shirt, he found himself assigned to the toughest students in school.

Walking confidently into the rowdy classroom, he opened the window as wide as possible and then busied himself with desk work. When a strong breeze made his tie flap, he took the desk stapler and stapled the tie to his chest.

He had no trouble with discipline that term.

 
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Cooking Class Secret
One day during cooking class, the teacher, Mrs. Jones, was extolling her secrets for preparing perfect sauces.

When she ordered us to the stoves to prepare our assignments, she said, "Don't forget to use wooden spoons."

As I stirred my sauce, I contemplated the physics behind the mystery of the wooden spoon and decided it must have something to do with heat conduction. I approached Mrs. Jones to test my theory. "Why wooden spoons?", I asked.

"Because," she replied, "if I have to sit here listening to all your metal spoons banging against metal pots, I'd go nuts."
 
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What Would You Like?
A customer in a bakery was observed carefully examining all the rich-looking pastries displayed on trays in the glass cases.

A clerk approached him and asked, "What would you like?"

He answered, "I'd like that chocolate-covered, cream-filled doughnut, that jelly-filled doughnut and that cheese Danish."

Then with a sigh he added, "But I'll take an oat-bran muffin."
 
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Navy Seal
Some people are extremely impressed when you tell them you're a Navy SEAL.

Case in point: My grandson's pre-K class on Career Day. I regaled them with stories of my exploits in the military. After I finished, hands shot up into the air all over the classroom. The kids were eager to ask questions.

"So," asked one little girl, "can you balance a ball on the end of your nose?"
 
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3 Friends Lived In 110th Floor


3 friends lived in the same flat on the 110th floor. One day the lift wasn't working. So they had to climb the stairs. To pass time & not get bored, they said that, 1st person should tell a war story, 2nd a funny story & 3rd a sad story.
1st person tells a story & they climb to 50th floor.
2nd tells his funny story & they climb to 109th floor.
Now the 3rd has to say a very sad story. He says, "I've left the door keys in car"...
 
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In A Bar A Man Attend Da Call


In a bar, a man attend da call of a ringing mobile.
Man: Hello!
Wife: Darling shall I buy 1 diamond ring?
Man: Sure honey!
Wife: Shall I use your credit card for Crystal pendant?
Man: Ok dear!
Friends: Great to see that you love her so much!
Man: Hmm! By the way, whose mobile is this?!?
 
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Phone Bill Was Exceptionally High


The phone bill was exceptionally high..
Man called a family meeting on saturday to discuss..
Dad- this is unacceptable. I don't use this phone, I only use my work phone..
Mum.. Me too. I hardly ever use this phone..
Son- I use my office mobile I never use the home phone..
All of them are shocked n together look at the maid who's patiently listening to them..

Maid- wat?
So we all use our work phones.. Not a Big deal...!
 
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Can We Go To Mcdonald

Kid:Dad, can we go to McDonald?"
Dad:Only If you can spell Mcdonalds
Kid:Thought For A Minute, turned around and said "Can we go to KFC instead?"
 
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Slow Stalker
One girl comes late to class


Professor : Why r u late?

Girl : One boy was following me sir

Professor : So,what?

Girl : That boy was walking very slowly.
 
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Hidden meaning
Two friends were talking by sitting road side.

Suddenly they saw a man came from his car and open car door for his wife.

Then one friend told to other, "If a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing, either the car is new or the wife."
 
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A nervous old lady
A nervous old lady on a bus was made even more nervous by the fact that the driver periodically took his arm out of the window. When she couldn't stand it any longer, she tapped him on the shoulder and whispered on his ear:
"Young man...you keep both hands on the wheel...I'll tell you when it's raining!"
 
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Late Train
Said to a railroad engineer:

What's the use of having a train schedule if the trains are always late.



The reply from the railroad engineer:

How would we know they were late, if we didn't have a schedule?
 
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Vampire bite


Patient: Doctor, I think that I've been bitten by a vampire.


Doctor: Drink this glass of water.


Patient: Will it make me better?


Doctor: No, I but I'll be able to see if your neck leaks.
 
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Biggest Lie

Two boys were arguing when the teacher entered the room.


The teacher says, "Why are you arguing?"



One boy answers, "We found a ten dollor bill and decided to give it to whoever tells the biggest lie."


"You should be ashamed of yourselves," said the teacher, "When I was your age I didn't even know what a lie was."



The boys gave the ten dollars to the teacher.
 
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Vacuum
A child was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. When her turn came she rolled the dice and landed on 'Science & Nature'.


Her question was:
"If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?"
She thought for a long while and then asked: "Is it on or off?"
 
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God isn't deaf

Two young boys were spending the night at their grandparents. At bedtime, the two boys knelt beside their beds to say their prayers when the youngest one began praying at the top of his lungs.



"I PRAY FOR A NEW BICYCLE...
I PRAY FOR A NEW BICYCLE...
I PRAY FOR A NEW BICYCLE..."



His older brother leaned over and nudged the younger brother and said, "Why are you shouting your prayers? God isn't deaf." To which the little brother replied, "No, but Gramma is!"
 
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Round trip
A man walks up to the counter at the airport.



'Can I help you?' asks the agent.



'I want a round trip ticket,' says the man.



'Where to?' asks the agent.



'Right back to here.'
 
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