"How do you expect to get into Heaven?"
An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting
into mischief, finally asked him,
"How do you expect to get into Heaven?"
The boy thought it over and said,
"Well, I'll just run in and out and in and out and keep slamming the door until St.Peter says...
'For Heaven's sake, Jimmy, come in or stay out!'"
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idiots, will they please stand up
"If there are any idiots in the room, will they please stand up," said the sarcastic teacher.
After a long silence, one freshman rose to his feet.
"Now then mister, why do you consider yourself an idiot?"
Inquired the teacher with a sneer.
"Well, actually I don't," said the student, "but I hate to see you standing up there all by yourself."
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Profession Used in Bible First
Three people were arguing about what profession was used first in the bible.
The Surgeon says, "The Medical profession was used first when God took a rib from Adam and made Eve.
The Engineer says, "No, engineering was used first. Just think of the engineering job it took to create the world out of chaos.
The Politician says, "You would have nothing if we didn't create chaos in the beginning?
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Q: What book do women like the most? A: "Their husbands checkbook!"
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Son: "Mom can I get twenty bucks" Mom: M.O.M stands for?"
Does it look like I am Made Of Money Son: "Well isn't that what M.O.M stands for?"
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"change"
Q: When does it rain money? A: When there is "change" in the weather.
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Q: What does one penny say to the other penny? A: Let's get together and make some cents.
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Q: How do you catch a squirrel?
A: Climb a tree and act like a nut!
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Q: Why don't skeletons fight each other?
A: They don't have the guts.
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Q: How do you repair a broken tomato?
A: Tomato Paste!
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Q:What lights up a soccer stadium?
A: A soccer match.
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Computer specialist
Computer specialist is walking down the street when suddenly the brick fall down on his head.
- Stupid Tetris!- thinks computer specialist before losing consciousness.
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I'm free!
Lady, have you been invited to dance?
Oh, not yet. I'm free!
Then please keep my beer...
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He & SheHe: Can I buy you a drink?
She: I would rather have the money.
He: Will you go out with me this Saturday?
She: Sorry. I am having a headache this weekend.
He: Go on. Don't be shy, ask me out.
She: Okay. Go out.
He: I think I could make you very happy?
She: Why? Are you leaving?
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Question: How do you call a woman who always knows where her husband is?
Answer: A widow.
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Help a woman when she is in trouble and she will remember you when she will be in trouble again.
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A wife to her husband:
Honey, what are you doing?
- I'm reading our marriage certificate.
- What for?
- I'm looking for the expiry date..
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I Am Sorry I'm sorry I hurt your feelings when I called you stupid.
I really thought you already knew it.
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WHO'S GUILTY? Wife dreaming at night. Suddenly, "Quick! My husband is back!" Man gets up, jumps out of d window & realizes, "Damn it! I'm d husband!!!"
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Same husband in next life too??
Why do Indian women want same husband in next life too??
Bcoz
Efforts taken by her to change him in this life will not b wasted!! ;-)
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