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The mother of a problem child was advised by a psychiatrist, "You are far too upset and worried about your son. I suggest you take tranquilizers regularly."
On her next visit the psychiatrist asked, "Have the tranquilizers calmed you down?"
"Yes", the boy's mother answered.
"And how is your son now?" the psychiatrist asked.
"Who cares?" the mother replied.

 

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My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well, I was amazed, I never knew they worked.

 

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A teacher asked her students to use the word "beans" in a sentence. "My father grows beans," said one girl. "My mother cooks beans," said a boy. A third student spoke up, "We are all human beans."

 

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What happens to a frog's car when it breaks down?
It gets toad away.

 

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Why did the spider cross the road?
To get to his website!

 

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Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends.

 

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A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don’t need it.

 

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A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

 

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What do you call two fat people having a chat? -- A heavy discussion

 

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I am a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I am perfect.

 

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Just changed my Facebook name to 'No one' so when I see stupid posts I can click like and it will say 'No one likes this'.

 

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The Growth Story


Me: Can you please grow?

Hair: Nah..!

Muscle: Nope..!!

Salary: Don’t even dream..!!!

Stomach: Bhai tere liye kuch bhi.
??

 

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What is Object oriented programming:


Father – Son, go and get Red Label

Son – 750ml or 1 ltr??

Mother – Son, go and get Red Label

Son – 500gms or 1 kg?

 

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Girlfriend said she wanted “iPhoneX” for her birthday….

Now she is “eX girlfriend”

 

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HR – There is a 2 years gap on your CV!
Candidate – I was in jail

HR – Why?

Candidate:- I killed the guy who told me : “we’ll call you back”

HR :- Welcome on board, you have the Job

 

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Positive thinking
Doctor : Your Liver is enlarged

Patient : Does that mean it has space for more whisky ?

(This is called “Positive Thinking” ??)

 

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HR – There is a 2 years gap on your CV!
Candidate – I was in jail

HR – Why?

Candidate:- I killed the guy who told me : “we’ll call you back”

HR :- Welcome on board, you have the Job

 

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Height of internet addiction

At a funeral in church

A visitor: What’s the WiFi password here?

Priest: respect the dead

Visitor: all small letters?

 

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Please do not send me messages related to independence.

I am married…

It hurts. ??☹☹☹

 

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If you drop a man and a brick out of a plane, which one would hit the ground first? ✈

A: Who cares??? Just throw them??

 

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