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Husband: Do you know that John who lives next door has two girlfriends unknown to wife.
Wife: Who is the other one?

 

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Wife to her husband: Wake up. Some thieves have broken into our house. I think they are now eating the food I made last night. Husband: Oh! Let's better call the ambulance then.

 

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Teacher: Amy, what do you call the outside of a tree? Student: 'No idea miss' Teacher told angrily: "Bark, Amy". Amy: 'Bow Wow Wow Miss'.

 

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Man1: Your kid just looks like you.
Man2: Shhh...., not so loud. That's the next door lady's kid.

 

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Customer in a hotel: Waiter, this soup tastes funny! Waiter: Oh!, the chef must have been laughing when he prepared it sir.

 

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Friend 1: Is it true that your wife talks to herself when she is alone? Friend 2: I don't know. I wasn't with her when she was alone.

 

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Question: If you catch it, you will throw it away. If you don't catch it, you will keep it. What is it? Answer: Lice

 

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Man 1: After buying this new hearing aid, I am able to hear something two blocks away.Man 2: Cool, how much did it cost? Man 1: The time is three past ten.

 

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A woman went to the Doctor and said When I looked in the mirror this morning, I saw my hair was frizzy, my skin wrinkly, my eyes bloodshot – what is wrong with me?.The Doctor replied: Well the good news is that your eyesight is fine.

 

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Wife: The doctor has come to see you. Husband: Tell him that I am not feeling well and won't be able to see anyone.

 

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Joke when asked how he would like to die, this man told: I would like to Die just like my grand father did, peacefully in his sleep, not screaming or yelling like the passengers in the car he was driving

 

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Two donkeys are standing at a roadside, one asks the other, So, shall we cross? - The other shakes his head: No way, look at what happened to the zebra(Zebra Cross)

 

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A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous.Ingrid Bergman

 

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I got another letter from this lawyer today. It said Final Notice. Good that he will not bother me anymore.

 

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Job interviewer: And where would you see yourself in five years, time Mr. Jeffries?
Mr. Jeffries: Personally I believe my biggest weakness is in listening.

 

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Doctor: I'm sorry but you suffer from a terminal illness and have only 10 to live.Patient: What do you mean, 10? 10 what? Months? Weeks?!
Doctor: Nine.

 

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One day a Professor was talking about marriage in the class Professor: What kind of Wife would you like Pappu? Pappu: I would want a wife like the moon Professor: Wow What a choice So you want her to be Cool Calm like the moon? Pappu: No no Professor: Oh so you want her to be Round and white? Pappu: No no Professor: Oh so you want her to be Fair and Beautiful like the moon? Pappu: No no I want her to be Exactly like The MOON Just Arrive at Night and Disappear in the Morning Professor fainted.

 

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Teacher: What is the name of the capital city of Punjab ? Pappu: Amritsar Teacher: Pappu you are wrong you need to focus more on your studies Pappu: Please madam can I ask you a few questions Teacher: Yes go ahead Pappu: Do you know Jeeto ? Teacher: No Pappu: Do you know Preeto ? Teacher: No Pappu: Do you know Banto? Teacher: (Angry) Hell no Who are all these people and why do you ask ? Pappu: Teacher you need to Focus more on your husband

 

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A kindergarten teacher handed out a coloring page to her class On it was a picture of a duck holding an umbrella The teacher told her class to color the duck in yellow and the umbrella green however Pappu the class rebel colored the duck in a bright fire truck red After seeing this the teacher asked him Pappu how many times have you seen a red duck? Young Pappu replied with The same number of times I ve seen a duck holding an umbrella.

 

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Beta: Papa apki shaadi ho gayi,
Papa: Haan.
Beta: Kis se hui,P
apa: Bewkuf teri mummy, se,
Beta: Wah papa ghar me hi setting kar li

 

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