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  • To almost double the amount of juice you get from oranges, store at room temperature.
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  • Chiropractor

    A lawyer was standing in a long line to get tickets for a play. Suddenly, he felt the hands of the man behind him, kneading into his back. He turned and gave the man a stern look, and the kneading stopped. But a few minutes later, he again felt the man's hands on his back.

    "Excuse me," the lawyer asked, "But why are you touching my back?"

    "I'm a chiropractor," the man replied, "and I sometimes I can't keep myself from practicing my skills."

    "Get control of yourself," the lawyer shot back. "I'm an attorney, and you don't see me screwing the guy in front of me, do you?"
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  • We need a president who's fluent in at least one language. Buck Henry
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