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why criminals leave their fingerprints
CIA: why criminals leave their fingerprints after doing their work?

Recruit: Sir, I Think they are illiterate, if they were literate, they would leave their signature for u.
 
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Power Of Eye
Vijay to his father: "Can you write in the dark, dad?"
Father: "Of course. That's not difficult."
Vijay: "Then, please switch off the light and sign my school report."


 
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100 Marks

Wife: our neighbour's son got 99 marks.

Husband: where did that one mark go

Wife: It came to our son. :)
 
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Beautiful Wife
wife: why don't you advised your friend to select his wife hence she is not a match with him?
husband: mmmm.... becoz he didn't advised me on that time
 
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Taj Hotel

Bhikari ne phone kiya: Hello Taj hotel
Taj: yes
Bhikari: 1 biriyani, 1 pizza bhej do
Taj: kiske naam pe bheju?
Bhikari: Allah ke naam pe bhej do
 
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BE CAREFUL WHILE SENDING A MAIL
A man checked into a hotel. There was a computer in his room. So he decided to send an E-MAIL to his wife.

However he accidentally typed the wrong e-mail address and without realising his error, he sent the message. Meanwhile,

Somewhere a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. The widow decided to check her mail,

Expecting message from her relatives and friends.; After reading the first message she fainted.

The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:

To: My loving wife
Subject: I've just reached
Date: 13th Oct 2006

I know you are surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now, and you are allowed to sent e-mails to your loved ones.

I've just reached and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you.

Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was..!


 
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The Naming of Things...Specifically, Children.

Bubba's sister is pregnant and is in a bad car accident, which caused her to fall into a deep coma. After nearly six months, she awakens and sees that she is no longer pregnant.

Frantically, she asks the doctor about her baby. The doctor replies, "Ma'am, you had twins -- a boy and a girl. The babies are fine. Your brother came in and named them."

The woman thinks to herself, "Oh, no! Not Bubba; he's an idiot!"

Expecting the worst, she asks the doctor, "Well, what's the girl's name?"

"Denise," the doctor answers.

The new mother thinks, "Wow! That's a beautiful name! I guess I was wrong about my brother. I really like the name Denise."

Then she asks the doctor, "What's the boy's name?"

The doctor replies, "Denephew."

 
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Legal Misunderstandings

One afternoon, a wealthy lawyer was riding in the back of his limousine when he saw two men eating grass by the road side. He ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate.

"Why are you eating grass?" he asked one man.

"We don't have any money for food," the poor man replied.

"Oh, come along with me then."

"But sir, I have a wife with two children!"

"Bring them along! And you, come with us too!" he said to the other man.

"But sir, I have a wife with six children!" the second man answered.

"Bring them as well!"

They all climbed into the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limo.

Once underway, one of the poor fellows says, "Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you."

The lawyer replied, "No problem, the grass at my home is about two feet tall."

 
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Economics Astrology
An econometrician and an astrologer are arguing about their subjects.

The astrologer says, "Astrology is more scientific. My predictions come out right half the time. Yours can't even reach that proportion."

The econometrician replies, "That's because of external shocks. Stars don't have those."

 
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A grade school teacher was asking students what their parents did for a living. "Tim, you be first," she said. "What does your mother do all day?"

Tim stood up and proudly said, "She's a doctor."

"That's wonderful. How about you, Amie?"

Amie shyly stood up, scuffed her feet and said, "My father is a mailman."

"Thank you, Amie," said the teacher. "What about your father, Billy?"

Billy proudly stood up and announced, "My daddy murders people, steals from them, and drinks."

The teacher was aghast and promptly changed the subject to geography. Later that day she went to Billy's house and rang the bell. Billy's father answered the door. The teacher explained what his son had said and asked if there might be some logical explanation.

Billy's father said, "I'm actually an attorney. But how can I explain a thing like that to a seven-year-old?

 
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My Dog
TEACHER: Desmond, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
DESMOND: No, teacher, it's the same dog!
 
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Math multiplication
Teacher: Cindy, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
Cindy: You told me to do it without using tables!
 
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Huge hands
"Simon, if I had eight apples in my right hand and ten apples in my left hand, what would I have?
Huge hands, sir.
 
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Season pass
"The female dormitory is out-of-bounds for all male students, and the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time. The second time you will be fined $60. A third time will cost you a fine of $180. Are there any questions?"

A male student inquired, "How much for a season pass?"
 
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Carrying a car door and umbrella

Two guys met in the middle of the desert. One was carrying a car door, the other an umbrella. The one with the car door said to the guy with the umbrella, "Why are you carrying that umbrella around, it isn't going to rain in the desert?" To which the guy with the umbrella replies, "Yeah , but it keeps me out of the sun! By the way, why are you carrying around that car door, you don't even have a car to go with it The guy with the car door says, "yeah, well at least if I get too hot from the sun I can just roll down the window!"
 
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Our generation never got a break

Our generation never got a break. When we were young they taught us to respect our elders. Now that we are older, they tell us to listen to the youth of the country.
 
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Visit to the Doctor A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office.

After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone. He said, "Your husband is suffering from a very severe stress disorder. If you don't do the following, your husband will surely die."

"Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant at all times. For lunch make him a nutritious meal. For dinner prepare an especially nice meal for him. Don't burden him with chores. Don't discuss your problems with him, it will only make his stress worse. No nagging... If you can do this for the next 10 months to a year, I think your husband will regain his health completely."

On the way home, the husband asked his wife. "What did the doctor say?"

"He said you're going to die," she replied.

 
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Fish in the Bag
A Polish man was walking down the street, carrying a brown paper bag. He ran into one of his friends, who asked, "Hey! What do you have in the bag?"

The man tells his friend that he has some fish in the bag. His friend says, "Well, I'll make you a bet. If I can guess how many fish you have in the bag, you'll have to give me one."

The man says, "I'll tell you what. If you tell me how many fish I have in this bag, I'll give you both of them."

 
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Q: How many politicians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: We don't know. They're still arguing about it.
 
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Screw in a light bulb

Q: How many type A personalities does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two. One to screw in the light bulb, and one to tell him he's doing it all wrong.
 
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