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While visiting a water show a tourist asked one of the divers, "Why do scuba divers always fall backward off their boats? To which the diver replied, "If they fell forward, they'd still be in the boat."

 
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Wife: How would you describe me? Husband: ABCDEFGHIJK. Wife: What does that mean? Husband: Adorable, beautiful, cute, delightful, elegant, fashionable, gorgeous, and hot. Wife: Aw, thank you, but what about IJK? Husband: I’m just kidding!

 
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Why do bees have sticky hair? Because they use honeycombs.

 
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Why shouldn’t you write with a broken pencil? Because it’s pointless.

 
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Why are green beans the most Zen of all vegetables? Because they’ve found their inner peas.

 
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Employee: I got to have salary increment. Three other companies are after me.
Boss: Really? Which are the three companies?
Employee: The electric company, the telephone company and the gas company.

 
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Why shouldn't you hold a DVD upside down? Because the data might fall down.

 
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Dad's writes on son's Facebook wall: Dear Son, How are you? All are fine here. We miss you a lot. Please!! TURN OFF THE COMPUTER & COME DOWN FOR DINNER!!!

 
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Teacher: "Amy, what do you call the outside of a tree?"
Student: "No idea miss"
Teacher told angrily: "Bark, Amy".
Amy: "Bow Wow Wow Miss"
 
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Teacher: How many letters are there totally in "A.B.C.D"?
Student: 4
Teacher: I meant the complete set, not just "A.B.C.D"
Student: 52
Teacher: What?! How?
Student: Lower case 26 and Upper case 26.
 
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Teacher: How many letters are there totally in "A.B.C.D"? Student: 4 Teacher: I meant the complete set, not just "A.B.C.D" Student: 52 Teacher: What?! How? Student: Lower case 26 and Upper case 26.

 
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Wife: Why do you wear your specs only when I come in. Husband: The doctor has ordered me to wear my specs whenever I get an headache.

 
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Lady 1: My son is very well behaved. Lady 2: How can you say that? Wasn't he arrested and imprisoned for 5 years. Lady 1: Yes, but he got out after 2 years for good behavior inside the jail.

 
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Patient to his friend: The nurse in this hospital is really wonderful. She touched me and my fever got cured immediately. Friend: Yeah, I could hear her touch your cheek in the next room.

 
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Husband: Do you know that John who lives next door has two girlfriends unknown to wife.
Wife: Who is the other one?

 
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Wife to her husband: Wake up. Some thieves have broken into our house. I think they are now eating the food I made last night. Husband: Oh! Let's better call the ambulance then.

 
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Teacher: Amy, what do you call the outside of a tree? Student: 'No idea miss' Teacher told angrily: "Bark, Amy". Amy: 'Bow Wow Wow Miss'.

 
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Man1: Your kid just looks like you.
Man2: Shhh...., not so loud. That's the next door lady's kid.

 
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Customer in a hotel: Waiter, this soup tastes funny! Waiter: Oh!, the chef must have been laughing when he prepared it sir.

 
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Friend 1: Is it true that your wife talks to herself when she is alone? Friend 2: I don't know. I wasn't with her when she was alone.

 
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