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The longest distance for a morning work in winter, is from the Bed to the toilet.

 

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Man Meets His Friend & Notices He's Wearing An Earring. When Did You Start Wearing Earnings?
Friend: Ever Since My Wife Found It In My Car.

 

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Professor To Students: I Want You To Write An Essay With The Following Elements: 1. Religion 2. Royalty 3. Sex And 4. Mystery After Two Minutes Pappu Shouts: 'Done' Proffesor: 'Let Me See' Pappu Had Written: Oh My God, Says The Queen, I Am Pregnant Yet… I Don’t Know Who Did It.

 

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Difference Between A Good Lawyer & A Great Lawyer?
A Good Lawyer Knows The Law And A Great Lawyer Knows The Judge

 

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Boss Calls His Employee In His Office. Boss: “Do You Believe In Life After Death?” Employee: “Certainly Not, There Is No Proof Of It.” Boss: “Well, There Is Now, After You Leave Early To Go To Your Uncle’s Funeral Yesterday, He Came Here Looking For You.”

 

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A Man Got Two Wishes From God.

He Asked For The Best Drink And Best Woman.

The Next Moment He Got Bisleri And Mother Teresa.

Moral: Investment Matters Are Subject To Market Risks. Please Read The Offer Document Carefully Before Investing.

 

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A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station…where my work stops.

 

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Team work is important; it helps to put the blame on someone else.

 

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Son: What cartoon mouse walks on two feet?
Dad: Mickey Mouse
Son: What duck walks on two feet?
Dad: Donald Duck
Son: No, all ducks do!

 

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My memory has gotten so bad it has actually caused me to lose my job. I’m still employed. I just can’t remember where.

 

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A guy goes in for a job interview and sits down with the boss.
The boss asks him, "What do you think is your worst quality?"
The man says "I’m probably too honest."
The boss says, "That’s not a bad thing, I think being honest is a good quality."
The man replies, “I don’t care about what you think!"

 

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What kind of jewelry do rabbits wear? 14 carrot gold.

 

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Why did the baby strawberry cry? His parents were in a jam.

 

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Do you want to hear a construction joke? Sorry, I’m still working on it.

 

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Why did an old man fall in a well?
Because he couldn’t see that well!

 

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A Man tells his Doctor, "Doc, help me. I am addicted to Twitter!" Th Doctor replies, "Sorry, I don't follow you.

 

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Did you hear about the two psychiatrists who passed each other on a walk? One said to the other, "You're fine, How am I?"

 

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Ann: I herd that you are a hypochondriac. Stan: Well, my doctor says I’m not, but I spent 3 days reading about it on the internet and I have all the symptoms.

 

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Therapist: I’ve concluded that you are incapable of describing your feelings. Patient: I can’t say that I am surprised!

 

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Just say No to drugs. Well if I'm talking to my drugs.. I probably already said yes.

 

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