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What happens at forty?
Maybe it's true that life begins at forty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out or spread out.

 
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When can a man know he is in Middle Age?
A man knows he is middle-aged when the girl he smiles at thinks he is one of her father's friends.

 
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Undressing Order
Patient: Doctor, I have a problem with my throat.
Doctor: Go into the next room and undress. I'll be there in a minute.
Patient: But, doctor, it's only my throat!
Doctor: Do as I say. Just get into the next room and undress.
So the patient went in and undressed. While he was sitting there in his shorts, he looked around. He saw another man sitting there in his shorts also, but with a big package in his hands. Intrigued the patient tried to make conversation with the other man.
Patient: Can you believe that doctor! I have a problem with my throat and he orders me to undress!
Other man: Why are you complaining? I only came here to deliver a package.

 
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Inherent Talktiveness
John's dad was an auctioneer and his mom was a woman hence talkativeness is in his genes.

 
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Where is English Channel?
Teacher: Madhu, where is the English Channel located?
Madhu: I know every channel of my television set in and out, Sir, I am sure there is no channel by that name.

 
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Television and prevention of drug abuse
Television made a great contribution to the elimination of harmful drug addiction. It broke millions of the sleeping pill habit.

 
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Shoplifting by choice
A kleptomaniac woman in an English court, charged with shoplifting, was asked by the judge if she had anything to say on her own behalf.
"Yes, sir, I have. I am a great patriot," she replied proudly, "I shoplift only British goods.

 
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Gossip
Gloria came back from a haircut and her friends were shocked looking at the new hairdo. Did you just go to a salon or did the rats eat up your hair? asked her friend. I'm returning from the salon just now. I know my barber is a terrible haircut, but he knows the juiciest gossip, replied Gloria.

 
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Definition of Diplomacy?
The term diplomacy is defined as "the patriotic art of lying for one's country."

 
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What's common between a beggar and software engineer?
A railway station beggar meets another beggar. A software engineer meets another software engineer. Both of them ask the same question to each other. What is the question?
"So, which platform are you working on?"

 
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Food for brains!
The teacher is explaining about the benefits of eating fish.
Teacher: There is a general belief that eating fish is good for brains. It improves a person's ability to think.
Kiran (clapping enthusiastically): That is great teacher. I eat fish all the time.
Teacher: Oh, well, there fails another scientific theory.

 
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Spirit Talk
What did one ghost tell the other ghost?
Do you believe in people?

 
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Insurance
Two women are talking, one of them, a recently widow, is complaining to the other.
First Woman: My husband didn't leave me a bit of insurance.
Second Woman: Then where did you get that beautiful diamond ring?
First Woman: Well, he left $1,000 for his casket and $5,000 for a stone. This is the stone.

 
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Group Insurance
Steve is looking for a job. He walks into an insurance office and asks for a job. The recruiting manager looks up and says: Well, we have two prospects that NO ONE has been able to sell. If you can sell just one, you have a job.
Madan thinks for a second and replies: I can sell anyone, anytime, anything!
Manager repeats his condition and gives instructions: Remember, if you sell a million dollar policy, our company requires a urine sample of those insured. Take these two bottles for the samples."
Two hours later Madan returns, hands over two checks to the manager. One check each for a one million and two million dollar policies.
Did you get the urine samples? asks the manager.
Madan immediately takes out two bottles from his pockets and produces two five-gallon buckets, one in each hand.

Good job,says the manager, but what's in those two buckets?
Well, I passed by the Holiday Inn and they were having a state teachers' convention, so I stopped and sold them a group policy! replied Madan smugly.

 
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Tossing the Dog
A man was sitting on a park bench and eating his favorite snack, French fries and hot dog. Soon a lady came along with a small dog which got attracted to the man's food and kept jumping at the man and begging for scraps. The irritated man decided to do something about it.
"Excuse me, Ma'am," said the man. "Do you mind if I toss your dog a bit?"
"Why, go ahead," replied the woman.
Immediately the man picked up her dog and threw it over the wall away from the bench.

 
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Putting the baby to sleep
Two first-time dads were discussing their parenting experiences. The first was proudly claiming that he had devised a sure-fire way for putting his baby to sleep. Raving about the method he says: "I just toss him up in the air a few times, and catch him again."
Wide eyed friend obviously impressed: "And that puts him to sleep?" First person: "Sure does. We have low ceilings."

 
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IQ Test
Mary's father has 5 daughters. Nana, Nene, Nini, & Nono. What was the name of the 5th daughter?
If you answered Nunu, you are wrong. The 5th daughter's name was Mary.
Moral: Read the question carefully!

 
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Who knows better? Married men or bachelors?
The bachelor knows more about women than married men; if he didn't, he'd be married too.

 
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Where is the bar?
A man goes to a shrink (psychiatrist) and says, "Doctor, my wife is unfaithful to me. Every evening, she goes to Larry's bar and picks up men. In fact, she seems to sleep with anybody who asks her! I'm going crazy. What do you think I should do?" "Relax," says the Doctor, "take a deep breath and calm down. Now, tell me, exactly where is Larry's bar?"

 
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Mistaken identity
A guy is in line at the supermarket when he notices a beautiful woman behind him. She raises her hand and smiles to him. He is taken aback that such a looker would be waving to him, and although familiar, he can't place where he might know her from.
Guy: "Sorry, do you know me?"
Woman: "I may be mistaken, but I thought you might be the father of one of my children."
His mind shoots back to the one and only time he has been unfaithful to his wife. "Holy crap," he says, "Are you that stripper from my bachelor party that I screwed on the pool table
"No," she replies, "I'm your son's English teacher."

 
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