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Police Chief: As a recruit, you'll be faced with some difficult issues. What would you do if you had to arrest your mother?
New Recruit: Call for backup!


 
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A big-city resident was spending his vacation in a small town in the country. Chatting with a local in the coffee shop, he asked, "Do you know any big people who were born here?"
The villager scratched his head and then said, "No, sir. Only tiny babies are born here."


 
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A man talking to God:

The man: “God, how long is a million years?”
God: “To me, it’s about a minute.”
The man: “God, how much is a million dollars?”
God: “To me it’s a penny.”
The man: “God, may I have a penny?”
God: “Wait a minute.”
 
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A blonde decided to paint a room. When her husband got home, he asked, "Why are you wearing an Alaskan and a winter coat?" She replied, "The can said for best results apply 2 coats."
 
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“I’ll call you later!”
-
“Please don’t do that. I’ve always asked you to call me Dad!”



 
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Mommy, why are all the cars beeping their horns?

Because there’s a wedding going on.

But isn’t the horn a warning signal, Mommy?

Exactly, son.


 
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My wife told me she needs more space. I said no problem and locked her out of
the house.




 
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Fainted Before.?

Doctor: Have you fainted ever before.
Patient: Yes, the last time you told me your fees.
 
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Wife: Honey, if I die would you get married again?

Husband: No dear.

Wife: I’m sure you would.

Annoyed husband: Okay, I would.

Wife: Would you let her sleep in our bed?

Husband: Ya, I guess so.

Wife: Would you let her wear my clothes.

Husband: No, she is taller than you.
 
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Boss: “We Are Very Keen On Cleanliness. Did You Wipe Your Feets On The Mat As You Came In?”

New Employee: “Yes, Sir”

Boss: “We Are Also Keen On Truthfulness. There Is No Mat“
 
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One Day A Girls College Was Told They Had To Write A Short Essay In One Sentence.

The Short Essay Had To Contain The Following Three Things:

1. Religion
2. Sexuality
3. Mystery

Here Is The Only A+ Essay In The Entire College By A Girl That You Can’t Imagine,

“Oh God, I Am Pregnant, I Wonder Who Did It.“
 
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Alcohol Is The Really A Worst Thing In The World

A Friend Drank A Lot Last Night And Ended Up Saying “I Love You”

To His Own Wife

Can You Imagine That?
 
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In A Routine Checkup

Nurse To Engineer: “Breathe Deeply In And Slowly Exhale, Do It 3 Times.”

Engineer: “Ok”

Nurse: “What Do You Feel Now?”

Engineer: “Your BODY SPRAY Is Simply Superb.
 
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A 3 years old boy sits near a pregnant woman.
Boy: Why do you look so fat?
Pregnant woman: I have a baby inside me.
Boy: Is it a good baby?
Pregnant woman: Yes, it is a very good baby.
Boy: Then why did you eat it?!
 
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A guy and his wife are sitting and watching a boxing match on television. The husband sighs and complains, “This is disappointing. It only lasted for 30 seconds!” “Good,” replied his wife. “Now you know how I always feel.”
 
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The teacher was teaching in animal lesson.
Teacher: What does a pig do?
Student: it rolls around in mud.
Teacher: Good! What does a cow do?
Student: It makes milk!
Teacher: Great! Now, what does a crazy old monkey give you?
Student: Homework!
 
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Man: How did you compromise with your wife?
Husband: She came to me on her feet.
Man: and what she said?
Husband: i was down to bad and she said come out, i will not say you anything..
 
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Once old man asks:
When a newly married couple smile, everyone knows why.
But when a fifteen year married couple smile every wonders why..!!!


 
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Two student were chatting:
First: Do you know what is snake’s favorite subject?
second:, no, you tell.
first: Hisssstory!!!
 
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After robbing the bank, 1 robber to clerk : Did you see me robbing?
Clerk : Yes I saw u.
Robber killed him and asked to the next clerk : Did u?
Second Clerk : No, but my wife saw u!
 
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