- Last night out, my wallet and I had a fight…
My wallet didn’t come home with me.
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- Why did the math book look sad?
It had too many problems.
It asked the pencil for advice.
The pencil said, “Just write them down!”
The math book cried harder.
Even erasers can’t fix feelings.
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- Why don’t pimples ever get invited to parties?
Because they always pop up uninvited!
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- Wife: Why are you home so early?
Husband: My boss told me to go to hell…
So I came home!
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- Me to my childhood friend: "Remember when we thought 10 rupees was a lot of money?" Them: "Yeah, and now we can’t even buy friendship bands with that!"
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- Childhood Friend: Remember when we said we’d be rich and famous one day?
Me: Yeah… we’re halfway there.
Childhood Friend: Which half?
Me: We’re still friends.
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- I told my boss they should promote me instead of laying me off.
He said, “That’s exactly what we’re doing – promoting you to customer.”
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- Customer: Can I try this shirt on? Shopkeeper: Sure, the fitting room is that way. Customer (comes out): It’s too tight. Shopkeeper: That’s the fashion—breathing is optional!
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- Customer: The sign says "Buy one, get one free."
Shopkeeper: Yes, so?
Customer: Then I want the free one. I’m not buying anything!
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- Customer: Do you sell time machines?
Shopkeeper: Not yet. Come back yesterday.
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- Why do software engineers prefer dark mode?
Because the light attracts bugs!
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- My bed and I love each other, but my alarm clock keeps trying to break us up.
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- What did one wall say to the other wall? "I'll meet you at the corner
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- Why don’t eggs tell jokes?
Because they might crack up!
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- Student - "Professor, I don’t think I deserve this zero on my test."
Professor - "I agree, but it’s the lowest grade I can give."
Student - "So, you’re saying I earned it?"
Professor - "No, I’m saying you tried your best... to not study!"
Student - "Effort recognized, finally!"
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- Why don’t skeletons fight each other?
Because they don’t have the guts!
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- Patient: "Doctor, I’ve been seeing these strange spots everywhere I look."
Doctor: leans in "Hmm, that doesn’t sound good. How long has this been happening?"
Patient: "For days now, and it’s driving me crazy!"
Doctor: thoughtfully "Have you seen an optometrist?"
Patient: confused "No, just spots."
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- What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?
Its carrot!
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- Have you heard the joke about yoga. Nevermind its a bit of a stretch.
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- HR- There is two years gap in your CV Candidate- Yes Ma'am I was in jail. HR- Why? candidate- I Killed HR who told me "We Will Let You Know". HR- Welcome to our Company.
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