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- Patient: "Doctor, I’ve been seeing these strange spots everywhere I look."
Doctor: leans in "Hmm, that doesn’t sound good. How long has this been happening?"
Patient: "For days now, and it’s driving me crazy!"
Doctor: thoughtfully "Have you seen an optometrist?"
Patient: confused "No, just spots."
- What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?
Its carrot!
- Have you heard the joke about yoga. Nevermind its a bit of a stretch.
- HR- There is two years gap in your CV Candidate- Yes Ma'am I was in jail. HR- Why? candidate- I Killed HR who told me "We Will Let You Know". HR- Welcome to our Company.
- When students are bright, what does a teacher do? She wears sunglasses.
- Why did the principal go to the bank?
To check his principal balance!
- Why did the scarecrow win an award?
Because he was outstanding in his field!
- Why can't you trust an atom?
A: Because they make up everything.
- How does an attorney sleep? First, they lie on one side. Then they lie on the other side.
- Why did the mother-in-law bring a ladder to the wedding? Because she heard the bride and groom were "tying the knot" and she wanted to make sure she could still be the top tier!
- Why did the big brother take a ladder to school? Because he heard the high school had too many steps!
- Mother: Why are you always on your phone? Daughter: Well, Mom, I'm just keeping up with the latest trends and news. Mother: Trends and news? All I see you doing is texting your friends! Daughter: That's true, Mom. I have to stay updated on the latest gossip to share with you!
- Mother: Why did you ask for money again? Daughter: Because I want to buy something nice for you, Mom! Mother: Oh, that's sweet. What are you planning to get me? Daughter: A wallet, so you won't have to keep giving me money!
- Mother: Why did you take so long to come home from school today? Daughter: Well, Mom, I had to stay after for a study group. Mother: That's good to hear. What were you studying? Daughter: The art of avoiding your questions, Mom!
- What's a pirate's favorite letter? You'd think it's the "R," but it's really the "C."
- How many apples can you grow on a tree? All of them.
- Patient: "Doctor, I've swallowed a pillow." Doctor: "How do you feel?" Patient: "A little soft on the inside."
- Child - Mom, I'm cold!
Mom - Go stand in the corner.
Child - Why?
Mom - Because it's 90 degrees!
- Patient: "Doctor, I'm addicted to Twitter."
Doctor: "I'm sorry, I don't follow you."
- MOM : “Wake up, son. It’s time to go to school.” SON : “But why, Mama? I don’t want to go to school.” MOM : “Give me two reasons why you don’t want to go to school.” SON : “One, all the children hate me. Two, all the teachers hate me.” MOM : “Oh! that’s not a reason. Come on, you have to go to school.” SON : “Give me two good reasons WHY I should go to school?” MOM : “One, you are FIFTY-TWO years old and should understand your responsibilities. Two, you are the PRINCIPAL of the school”
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