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I do not want to marry

Man 1:- I do not want to marry becoz I am afraid of ALL women..

Man 2:- Get married soon, then u will be afraid of only ONE woman &
start loving other women.

 
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A new vaccum salesman

A new vaccum salesman knockd on da door. A tall lady answerd it.

B4 she cud speak, d salesman barged into da living room n emptied a bag of cow shit on2 da carpet..

Salesman: Madam, if i cudnt clean this up with my new powerful vaccum cleaner, i'll EAT all this Shit !

Lady:Do u need chilli sauce or ketchup wid dat?
Salesman: Y madam?

Lady: Cuz therez no electricty in da house.

MORAL: Gather ALL resources b4 working on any project
 
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If we get married
Girl:If v gt married stop smokng.
Boy:Ok!
Girl:Drinkng 2.
Boy:Ok!
Girl:N goin to d nite club 2.
Boy:-Yes..
Girl:-Wht else cn u leav??
Boy:-D idea of marryng u!!
 
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Current Generation
Old concept: Do or die
New concept: Do before u die
Latest concept: Dont die until u do
Our concept:
WHAT TO DO!?!?!
 
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Give Me Sentence
Teacher: Give Me Sentence With a Direct Object.

Student: Every one Thinks You Are The Best Teacher.

Teacher: Than,
But What is The Object?

Student: To Get Good Marks! :-)

 
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Fairy to a 62 year old couple

Fairy(to a 62 year old couple): I will grant you each a wish.

Wife: I want to travel around the world with my husband.

The fairy waved her magic wand & POOF

Two tickets appeared in her hands.

Husband: I wish to have a wife 30 years younger to me.

The fairy waved her magic wand & POOF

The husband became 92 years old.

Moral:
Men who are ungrateful idiots should remember that fairies are females.

 
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Woman sits on left n man on right

Why in wedding ceremony woman sits on left n man on right??
Coz according to balance sheet all assets are on right side and liabilities on left side.!
 
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3 friends lived in the same flat
3 friends lived in the same flat on the 110th floor. One day the lift wasn't working. So they had to climb the stairs. To pass time & not get bored, they said that, 1st person should tell a war story, 2nd a funny story & 3rd a sad story. 1st person tells a story & they climb to 50th floor. 2nd tells his funny story & they climb to 109th floor. Now the 3rd has to say a very sad story. He says, I've left the door keys in car
 
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During a visit to a mental hospital

During a visit to a mental hospital, a medical student asked the Doctor, How do u determine whether or not, a patient should be admitted?

Well, said the Doctor, We fill a bathtub, then we give a teaspoon,a teacup & a bucket to the patient n ask him to empty the bathtub.

The student said,Oh, a normal person wud use the bucket cz its bigger.

No, said the Doctor, A n0rmal person wud pull the drain plug.Now, which bed do u want??
 
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Height of Insult

Guide: I welcome you all to Niagra falls. This is the world's largest waterfall & the sound intensity of the waterfall is so high, even 20 supersonic planes passing by can't be heard!

Now may I request the ladies to keep quiet so that we can hear the Niagra Falls .

 
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Main Entrance
A shopkeeper was dismayed when a brand new business much like his own opened up next door and erected a huge sign which read BEST DEALS.
He was horrified when another competitor opened up on his right, and announced its arrival with an even larger sign, reading LOWEST PRICES.
The shopkeeper panicked, until he got an idea He put the biggest sign of all over his own shop It read: MAIN ENTRANCE!
 
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We all use our work phone

The phone bill was exceptionally high..
Man called a family meeting on saturday to discuss..
Dad- this is unacceptable. I don't use this phone, i only use my work phone..
Mum.. Me too. I hardly ever use this phone..
Son- i use my office mobile i never use the home phone..
All of them are shocked n together look at the maid who's patiently listening to them..
Maid- wat?
So v all use our work phones.. Not a Big deal
 
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Peanuts

An oLd Lady gave the busS Drivr peanuts 2 eat.
Ths happnd 4 several Times.
The drivr said Y have u givn me such wondrful peanuts to eat?
Why don't u eat thm urself?
The Lady replied i dont have teth to munch thm

Driver:
Then why u bought them?
Old Lady: I just Love the chocolate Around them. Hahaha
 
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1 2 3 4 5

First Prize

Girl-Nice Mobile.

Where Did U Buy?

Boy-I Won Dis In A Running Race.

Girl-How Many People Participated?

Boy- MOBILE OWNER, POLICE And ME.

 
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Dear Human:

You Get Angry At Me;
If I Wake U Up..

You Also Get Angry;
If I Don't..!!

What The Hell Is This ???

-Sincerely;
Confused Alarm Clock..
 
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SMS
An elderly couple had just learned how to send text messages on their cellphones. The wife was a romantic type, and the husband was more of a no-nonsense guy.

One afternoon the wife went out to meet a friend for coffee. She decided to send her husband a romantic text message, so she wrote: "If you are sleeping, send me your dreams. If you are laughing, send me your smile. If you are eating, send me a bite. If you are drinking, send me a sip. If you are crying, send me your tears. I love you."

The husband texted back to her: "I'm using the bathroom. Please advise."
 
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Which Is The Best Month To Get Married

1st Man: Which Is The Best Month
To Get Married..?

2nd Man: Octemb ruary..

1st Man: Don't Be Silly,
There Is No Such Month

2nd Man: Exactly.
 
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A one line advertisement by a Married Man in a newspaper:
For Sale: Wedding suit,
worn only once by mistake.
 
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Patients Died in Same Bed Every Sunday at 11 AM.

It was Happening In a Hospital that ICU Patients Died in Same Bed Every Sunday at 11 AM.

Dr. Thought it is Something Super Natural

Worldwide Xpert Team was formed to investigate the Cause Next Sunday,few mint b4 11 AM,all Dr. & nurses stand around that Bed & start waiting 2 c what it was? Then suddenly a (Part time Sunday Sweeper) entered the ICU, unpluged the Life support system of that Bed & pluged in his Mobile Charger
 
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How to convert a university student into a criminal??
.
.
.
burn some pages of their assignments,

an hour before submission..
 
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