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Mistaken identities
Two people ordered flowers to be delivered: one for a book store moving to a larger location and another to a family grieving the loss of their father. The clerk got confused and the resulting chaos was as follows.
The bookseller who moved to a larger location received a wreath with a card saying, "With sympathy," and the family of the late Mr. Epson who received the flowers which read, "Best of luck in your new location."

 
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Diamonds break friendships
In the midst of a hectic day at the office, Mark got a phone call from his friend Andrew.
Andrew: Mark, I just bought an expensive diamond ring for my wife. I hope this won't break up our long friendship?
Mark: Hey Andrew! Have you gone crazy? Why should your buying your wife an expensive diamond ring break up our friendship? After all, you are not taking it to my wife.
Andrew: But my wife is taking it to your wife; she's over to your house right now, showing it to your wife.

 
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Gambling Partners
It was a fine Friday evening and a Rabbi, Minister, and Priest got together and started playing high stakes poker. Unfortunately for the men of religion, the place was raided by cops. Cops approached the three religious men and the head started questioning.
The police chief first asked the Rabbi if he was gambling. The Rabbi bowed his head, and silently prayed to the lord for forgiveness and said, "No Sir, I wasn't gambling." The cop accepted and released him.
Then he turned to the Minister and asked the same question. The minister too bowed his head and said a silent prayer and replied: "No, Officer, I was not gambling." The cop accepted and released him.
At last he turned to the Priest and asked if he was gambling. The Priest replied, With whom?"

 
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Gambling dogs and wagging tails
A man used to add to his income by gambling at poker, joining games wherever he happened to find himself. And he thought he'd seen it all, until he happened into a game in a little town and found himself seated next to a German Shepherd. A few hands later, the dog drew a straight flush and collected the jackpot. "I can't believe it!" exclaimed the man. "I've played a lot of cards in my day, but I never thought a dog could win at poker." "Aaaa, he's not that difficult to beat," said an old geezer at the table with an annoyed snort. "Every time he gets a good hand, he wags his tail."

 
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Why Did the Lady Throw Out Her Mother-In-Law?
Because Baba Ramdev Said
"Apni Saans Ko Bahar Nikalo..!!"

Submitted by: Shwetha Sumanth
 
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Before marriage:
Roses are red, sky is blue,
O my darling! I love you

After Marriage:
Roses are dead,
I have flu,
don't come near me,
Parayi hai tuu,


 
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Expansion and contraction of body parts
During a class on body parts, the college professor singles out a girl student and asks her a question.
Professor: Which part of man's body expands to three times of its normal size when under emotion?
Girl Student: I feel very shy to answer your question".
Professor replied sternly: Your answer proves three points: One: You have not studied your lessons; Two: You have a dirty mind; Three: You are going to be terribly disappointed when you get married!
The correct answer is pupil of the eye!

 
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Speaking Role
A son came to running to his father and said excitedly
Son: Dad! I got a part in the college drama!
Father: What is your role?
Son: I am going to be a husband who is married for 25 years!
Father: Don't worry son, one day soon, you will get a role with some dialogue!

 
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Anniversary Woes
Wife: Tomorrow is the 15th anniversary of our marriage. Shall I make chicken biryani for the occasion?
Husband: Let bygones be bygones! Why punish a poor chicken for a mistake that took place 15 years back!

 
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Tough choices
Mary presented to her husband John a yellow shirt and a green shirt for his birthday. In the morning when he wore the green shirt she frowned at him and asked "Why, you didn't like the yellow one?"

 
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Talking Wife!
John: Why are sitting sadly? What happened?
Paul: My wife told me that she will not talk to me for 30 days.
John: Why, you should be happy about it!
Paul: I know, but you see, today is the 30th day!

 
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Good News or Bad News
Doctor: I have a good news & bad news for you! Which one you want first?
Patient: Bad news!
Doctor: By mistake we have removed your wrong leg!
Patient: My goodness! Then what is the good news?
Doctor: Your other leg is improving and we need not remove it!

 
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Grab the opportunity
Scott was bruised and battered and was telling his friend that how he was seriously involved in a train accident and got $ 10,000 for himself & $ 5,000 for his wife's injuries. Friend: Was your wife also injured?
Scott: Oh! No, she was not injured. I took this opportunity to make a fast buck. I kicked her in the shin before the inspectors arrived at the spot.

 
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Poor math grade due to absence!!!
Mother: John! Why are you having such poor marks in Mathematics?
John: Due to absence Mom!
Mother: Were you absent from class on the day it was taught?
John: No, the boy in front was absent!

 
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True Friendship
A circus owner was bragging about his troupes performances.
Circus owner: "Do you want to see our new circus show--the friendship of a lion and 5 goats."
Cutomer: "But how is that possible, doesn't the lion eat the goats?
Circus owner: "Oh, it's not impossible. Our lion is very fond of goats. So we have to occasionally replace the goats!"

 
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Secret of a happy marriage
A lady was asked about the secret of their successful marriage and how they came to be celebrating their 20th anniversary. She said, "It's very simple! On the day of marriage we decided that whenever I'm right, he would listen to me." "What happens when he is right?" The friend asked. "It never happened!" snapped the lady.

 
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The three rings
There are three rings involved in a marriage and not all of them are made of gold and diamonds.
1. Engagement ring, when a man proposes marriage
2. Wedding ring, when a man pledges his life and
3. Suffering for the rest of his life after marriage

 
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Tough Choices
There was a discussion in a club as to the most beautiful part in a woman's body.
One man said, "woman's hair".
Another man said, "it's her eyes!"
A third man said, 'Oh! It's her lips only!"
A woman with uplifted nose said, stiffly: I'm planning to leave from here quickly before one of you fellows tells the truth!

 
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Fact or Fiction!
A man walks into the library and asks: I want the book The man who controlled wife .
Without even lifting her head the librarian replies: Fiction that side!"
 
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Absence and Love!
Wife: Is it true that absence makes the love deep?
Husband: Yes darling, the longer your absence, the deeper is the love!

 
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