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My Wife Is Pregnant
Man speaks frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart!"

"Is this her first child?" the doctor queries.

"No, you idiot!" the man shouts. "This is her *husband*!"
 
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Aniversary
Man : "Where do you want to go for our Anniversary ?"
Wife : "Somewhere I have never been !"
Man : "How about the kitchen ?"

 
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Wife And Husband
Wife : Honey ...... What are You Looking for ?
Husband : Nothing.
Wife : Nothing...?? U've been reading our marriage certificate 4 an hour ...??
Husband : I was just looking 4 the expiry date.

 
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Photo Of Wife
Wife: You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?

Darling : When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.

Wife: You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?

Darling : Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, "What other problem Can there be greater than this one?

 
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It Really Works

The husband leaned over, made a wish and threw in a penny.
The wife decided to make a wish,too. But she leaned over too much, fell
into the well, and drowned.
The husband was stunned for a while but then smiled "It really works!"
 
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Book do you like the best?

When I asked My Wife : Which book do you like the best?

She answers: Your Cheque book.
 
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Which One Would You Suggest

Bunty - "Well, I am falling in love and I think I should go to a palmist or a mind reader. Which one would you suggest?"

Monty - "You would better go to a palmist you know you have got a palm."
 
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Let us stand
Wife: Darling today is our marriage anniversary. What should we do?

Husband: Let us stand in silence for two minutes.
 
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Lecture on the ill effects of drinking on health

Police arrested a drunker at midnight and asked: " Where are you going?"

Man: "I am going to listen lecture on the ill effects of drinking on health"

Police: "Who will lecture at midnight?"

Man: "My wife"
 
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Wife To Husband
Wife to husband: See that is my first boy friend at bar, he is drinking since I left him 10 years ago.

Husband: Nonsense! No one can celebrate that long!
 
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Lion
In a poor zoo of India, a lion was frustrated as he was offered not more than 1 kg meat a day.

The lion thought its prayers were answered when one US Zoo Manager visited the zoo and requested the zoo management to shift the lion to the US Zoo.

The lion was so happy and started thinking of a central A/c environment,a goat or two every day and a US Green Card also.

On its first day after arrival, the lion was offered a big bag, sealed very nicely for breakfast.

The lion opened it quickly but was shocked to see that it contained few bananas.

Then the lion thought that may be they cared too much for him as they were worried about his stomach as he had recently shifted from India.

The next day the same thing happened. On the third day again the same food bag of bananas was delivered.

The lion was so furious, it stopped the delivery boy and blasted at him,
'Don't you know I am the lion...king of the Jungle..., what's wrong with your management? What nonsense is this? Why are you delivering bananas
to me?'

The delivery boy politely said, 'Sir, I know you are the king of the jungle but ... did you know that you have been brought here on a monkey's visa!!!

*Better to be a Lion in India than a Monkey elsewhere!!!!!*
 
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Love Marriages
Why Love marriages are better than arranged marriages?
Because Known Devils Are Better Than Unknown Devils.
 
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What's Common
MAN TO WIFE: We always keep fighting!
Dont you have something we both can agree on?
WIFE: Of course!
MAN: What?
WIFE: We both were married on the same day...!!
 
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Beautiful Woman
The man approached a very beautiful woman in a large supermarket and asked, "You know, I've lost my wife here in the supermarket. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?"
"Why?" she asks.
"Because every time I talk to a a beautiful woman, my wife appears out of nowhere."


 
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Pre-marital Love
We were in long nine months before our marriage.
One day my wife asked - "You don't love me as you did before our marriage."
I replied - "I don't like to continue the pre-marital affairs."
 
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Congratulate
Question : When do you CONGRATULATE someone for their MISTAKE.
Answer : On their MARRIAGE.
 
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Difference Between Foolish man & Wise Man
A FOOLISH man tells a woman to STOP talking, but a WISE man tells her that she looks extremely BEAUTIFUL when her LIPS are CLOSED.
 
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I was A Fool
Wife : Honey , I was A Fool When I Married You
Husband : Yes Dear , But i was in love and didn't notice it

 
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Fortune And Wealth
Wife : Do you love me because my dad left me a fortune?

Husband : Who says? I will love you no matter who left you the fortune.
 
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Smart Wife
A husband and wife were at a party chatting with some friends when the subject of marriage counseling came up. "Oh, we'll never need that. My husband and I have a great relationship," the wife explained. "He was a communications major in college and I majored in theater arts. He communicates real well and I just act like I'm listening."
 
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