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Wife: Had your lunch?
Husband: Had your lunch?
Wife: I am asking you
Husband: I am asking you
Wife: You copying me?
Husband: You Copying me.
Wife: Lets go Shopping
Husband: Yes I had my lunch..
 
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A mother and son were walking through a cemetery, and passed by a headstone inscribed 'Here lies a good lawyer and an honest man.' The little boy read the headstone, looked up at his mother, and asked "Mommy, why did they bury two men there?"
 
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A lawyer was walking down the street and saw an auto accident. He rushed over, started handing out business cards, and said, “I saw the whole thing. I’ll take either side.”
 
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A policeman stops a lady and asks for her license. He says, "Lady, it says
here that you should be wearing glasses."
The woman answered, "Well, I have contacts."
The policeman replied, "I don’t care who you know! You’re getting a ticket!"
 
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How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?
His lips are moving.
 
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The Fire Brigade were trying to rescue an Irishman from the 10th floor of a burning building.
Fireman shouts: "Jump and we’ll catch you in this blanket!"
Irishman replies: "Get lost, I don’t trust you, lay it on the floor!"
 
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They say if you can’t stand the heat, get out of the kitchen… Which is why I lost my job as a firefighter.
 
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Wife: "Whenever I keep money in my purse, our son steals it! I don’t know what to do?"

 
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Lady (to her doctor): "What l am worried about is my height and not my weight."

Doctor: "How come?"

Lady: "According to my weight, my height should be 7 feet, 8 inches."
 
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A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them. His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing. The man says "I'm sending out 1,000 Valentine cards signed, 'Guess who?'" "But why?" asks the man. "I'm a divorce lawyer," the man replies.

 
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I want a divorce! "But you made a vow in the church that we remain together till death do us part." "I guess you are right. Very well, go ahead and drink up the tea I made for you."

 
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A friend of mine just got divorced. He and his ex-wife split the house. He got the outside.

 
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Q: Can February march?
A: No, but April may.
 
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Teacher: How much is a gram?
Kid: Uhmm, depends on what you need
 
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Me: Would you like to be the sun in my life?
She: Awww... Yes!!!
Me: Good then stay 92.96 million miles away from me
 
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Two old friends crossed paths after not seeing one another for almost a decade. Utkarsh: "What are you doing these days?" Sparsh: "PHD." Utkarsh: "Wow! You’re a doctor!" Sparsh: "No, Pizza Home Delivery."
 
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Two lawyers walking through the woods spotted a vicious looking bear. The first lawyer immediately opened his briefcase, pulled out a pair of sneakers and started putting them on. The second lawyer looked at him and said, “You’re crazy! You’ll never be able to outrun that bear!” “I don’t have to,” the first lawyer replied. “I only have to outrun you.”
 
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A man got hit in the head with a can of Coke, but he was alright because it was a soft drink.
 
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Teacher: “Which book has helped you the most in your life?”
Student: “My father’s check book!”
 
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Paddy got a job as a road line-painter. He paints 5 miles on the first day, 2 miles on the second day and 1 on the third day.
“You get worse and worse every day!” yelled his boss.
“That is because the bucket gets further and further away every day.” said Paddy.
 
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