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ELAINE VAKALOPOULOS - Your Franchise Options Swami Mukundananda
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The guy who stole my diary just died.

My thoughts are with his family.
 
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David: I love her so much
Richard: She’s just 14 and you are 28
David: Age is just a number
Richard: And jail is just a room
 
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A guy went for an interview at a big IT company for the position of “Computer Hacking Investigator”
The boss asked him: So, what makes you suitable for this job?
Well, he replied, I hacked into your computer and invited myself to this interview.
 
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Today was my first day entering a court.
The judge shouted “Order, Order!!”
I was so excited,
So I shouted back “fried rice with chicken, five bottles of beer and a chilled glass of special ice mineral water.”
I am now locked up in a dark room.
I am sure they will bring my order soon.
 
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My girlfriend’s birthday is in two days.
And she told me “Nothing would make me happier than a diamond ring”.
So I bought her nothing!
 
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There are two muffins baking in the oven. One muffin says to the other, “Phew, is it getting hot in here or is it just me?” The other muffin says, “AAAAHHH!! A TALKING MUFFIN!”
 
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Q: What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it?

A: Envelope.
 
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Q: Why was six scared of seven?

A: Because seven "ate" nine.
 
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New Teacher: All students introduce your name and hobbies
1st boy: My name is Jack and my hobby is watching the moon.
2nd boy: My name is Dave and hobby is watching the moon.
3rd boy: My name is Patrick & my hobby is watching the moon.
(All boys told their different names but the hobby was same)
New Teacher: Good, all boys have the same hobby, Now its girl’s turn.
1st girl: Hi, my name is moon…
 
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Girl: OMG, You look so much better when you don’t wear your glasses
Boy: Well, You look better when I don’t wear my glasses too.
 
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A man meets an accident with his new Ferrari.
A policeman arrives.
Man: (Cried) Officer! My brand new car!
Police: You’re such a materialistic person. You even haven’t notice that your left arm has been cut off.
Man: (He looks at his left arm and yells) OMG! My Rolex watch!
 
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Grandfather: When I was your age, I used to go to the market with two Rupees and bring home soap, rice, milk, bread, ghee, face powder etc.
Grandson: nowadays it is difficult. There are CCTV cameras everywhere.
 
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Trainer: If an old man and a child come near your car, what will you hit?
Girl: Old man.
Trainer: Idiot. You should hit the BRAKE.
 
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Graham Alexander Bell: I used to study under a candle
William Shakespeare: I used to study under street light
Mr. Bean: What did you guys do during the daytime?
 
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John: Do you have a girlfriend Harry?
Harry: Yes John
John: Nice. Where is she from?
Harry: From a different nation
John: Oh really? Which nation?
Harry: From my imagiNATION.
 
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David: I love her so much
Richard: She’s just 14 and you are 28
David: Age is just a number
Richard: And jail is just a room
 
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Two terrorists having discussion in a bar,
The waiter asks them what the discussion was about.
Terrorist: We are planning to kill 14 thousand people and a donkey.
Waiter: Why a donkey?
Then one terrorist says to the other, “See I told you nobody will care about the 14 thousand people”.
 
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Harry and Julian are text each other after a long time

Harry: Hi Julian how are you?

Julian: I’m doing well. How are you?

Harry: I’m doing great.

Harry: I just wanna ask you a question

Julian: Sure buddy.

Harry: My Girlfriend typed IDK and TTYL. What is that mean?

Julian: I Don’t Know. Talk To You Later.

Harry: Ok, I will ask you whenever you are free.
 
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Henry: Hey Jacob, How’s everything?

Jacob: I’m good buddy. How are you?

Henry: I’m good too.

After a long chat

Jacob: Shall we play truth or dare game?

Henry: Sure

Jacob: Truth or dare?

Henry: Truth

Jacob: Alright, have you ever lie to me?

Henry: I mean dare. Damn you autocorrect.

Jacob: Alright, I dare you to answer the question.
 
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Richard and Steve are text each other after a long time. In the middle of the conversation

Richard: Hey dude, I’m bored. Tell me a good joke.

Steve: Sure.

Steve: How do you keep an idiot in suspense?

Richard: I don’t know. How?

After one minute

Richard: I’m waiting for your answer

After three minutes

Richard: Hellooooooooooo

After five minutes

Richard: Why don’t you answer?

Steve laughing without sends him a reply.
 
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1  2  3  4  5  6     12  23  45  90  
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