Daily Jokes on EkNazar

That's it

A general noticed one of his soldiers behaving oddly. The soldier would pick up any piece of paper he found, frown and say: That's not it and put it down again.

This went on for some time, until the general arranged to have the soldier psychologically tested. The psychologist concluded that the soldier was deranged, and wrote out his discharge from the army.

The soldier picked it up, smiled and said: That's it.

I Want My Money

The barn at Larry and Susan's farm burned down, and Susan called the insurance company.

Susan:We had that barn insured for fifty thousand and I want my money.
Agent:Wait just a minute, Susan it doesn't work quite like that. We will determine the value of the old barn and provide you with a new one of comparable worth.

Susan, after a pause: I'd like to cancel the policy on my husband.

Two copies
A young executive was leaving the office one evening when he found the CEO standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand.

"Listen", said the CEO, "this is important and my assistant has left. Can you make this thing work?"

"Certainly", said the young man, flattered that the CEO had asked him for help.

He turned the the machine on, inserted the paper and pressed the start button.
"Excellent! Excellent!" said the CEO as his paper disappeared inside the machine. "I need two copies of that."

Wrong route

As a old man was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang.

Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him,"Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Route 280. Please be careful!"

"It's not just one car," said Herman, "It's hundreds of them!"

Three Boys

1st boy - my father drives the car so fast that some people fly away.

2nd boy - my father drives the car so fast that the people run away.

3rd boy - my father drives the car so fast that the car is in garage and father in hospital.

Fortune
A newly married man asked his wife, "Would you have married me if my father hadn't left me a fortune?"
"Honey," the woman replied Sweetly,"I'd have married you NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE"

Give up seat
Son: Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady.

Mom: Well, you have done the right thing.

Son: But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap

Modern art

Dumb at an Art Gallery : I suppose this horrible
looking thing is what you call modern art ?

Art dealer: I beg your pardon sir, thats a mirror!

Playing Trumpet

Patient: 'And when my right arm is quite better, will I be able to play the trumpet?'

Doctor: 'Most certainly - you should be able to play it with ease.

Patient: 'That's wonderful - I could never play it before.'

Same old stuff
A 20c coin met a R200.00 note and said ," Hey whatkind Outtie...... , where have you been....... I have'nt seen you around in a long time."

The R200.00 note answered, "Eish Guzzie , I been around....... Went to the Casino , Did News Cafe , Went on a Cruise to Mozambique , just came back.Hitting Hillbrow tonight....Im doing the mall tomorrow..... You know how it vaais...... Doing that kind of stuff.......

How about You....... How's it cracking with you? Whats cutting ur Side?......"

The 20c coin replied , "Ekse Boss..... you know me ....... same old stuff......... TEMPLE, TEMPLE, TEMPLE !!!"

Pay for his mistakes

Husband and wife had a tiff.

Wife called up her mum and said, "he fought with me again, I am coming to live with you".

Mom said, "no no daughter, he must pay for his mistakes, I am coming to stay with you."

Carburettor

WIFE: "There's trouble with the car. It has water in the carburettor."

HUSBAND: "Water in the carburettor? That's ridiculous."

WIFE: "I tell you the car has water in the carburettor."

HUSBAND: "You don't even know what a carburettor is. I'll check it out.
Where's the car?"

WIFE: "In the pool."

Worse n worse by the day
Paddy got a job as a road line-painter. He paints 5 miles on the first day, 2 miles on the second day and 1 on the third day.
"You get worse and worse every day!" yelled his boss.
"That is because the bucket gets further and further away every day." said Paddy.

Good Stuff
A guy goes to the hardware store to buy some insecticde. He hold up a box and asks the store manager, " Is this stuff good for beetles?" The manager replies, " NO, it'll kill 'em"

Email

A married couple was planning to go on vacation in Key West, Florida. The man went down first, while the wife was finishing up a business meeting in New York City. The husband arrived and decided to email his wife to tell her he arrived in Key West.

After he typed his message, he accidentally typed in the wrong email address. The email went to a woman who was grieving over her recently deceased husband. The grieving woman checked her email, read the man's letter, then passed out cold. Her daughter came in and looked at the computer screen. It read:

Honey,
This is your husband. I just wanted to tell you I got here OK, and I have all your bags checked in and ready for you to get here tonight so we can be together.

Dumb and Duo - Coffee shop
Dumb & his wife buy coffee in a shop.
Dumb says... Drink quickly... .
Wife asks why...
Dumb says hot coffee $5 and cold coffee $10.

Married Over 60 Years

A man was invited to some old friends' home for dinner. His buddy preceded every request to his wife by endearing terms, calling her Honey, My Love, Darling, Sweetheart, Pumpkin, etc.

He was impressed since the couple had been married almost 60 years. While the wife was off in the kitchen, the guy said to his buddy, "I think it's wonderful that after all the years you've been married, you still call your wife those pet names."

His buddy hung his head. "To tell you the truth, I forgot her name about ten years ago."