Just on time
Big inspection on a build site/yard.
The boss tells the workers : what ever happens just act as usual.
The inspection committee were inspecting when a wall just colapses.
-(Worker looking at his watch) : 10:15, just on time
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Prescription for Overweight
A MASSIVE woman went to see the doctor about her weight.
She said to him, "Have you got any dieting remedies or anything that can help me loose weight?"
The doctor replies, "Yes we do, all you need to do is shake your head from left too right, simple eh?!"
She says, "WOW that's amazing, um... when do I do it?"
The doctor says, "Next time your ordered food."
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On my feet
The doctor said he would have me on my feet in two weeks."
"And did he?"
"Yes, I had to sell the car to pay the bill."
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Income Tax
Income tax officer gave tips to a young lady, 'You should pay your income tax with smile.'
The lady replied, I have tried it thrice, but every time they insist on cash or cheque.
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More Pills
A patient asked to the doctor, If I take these little green pills exactly as you suggested, will I get better?
Doctor replied, Certainly, I put it this way, no one has ever come back for more of those pills again!
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My Ex
Wife: Hey, look at that man who has drunk a lot..
Husband: Who is he?
Wife: Well, 12 year ago, he was my boy friend and I denied him for marriage.
Husband:Oh my god, good! he is still celebrating!!
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6 Million Dollar Question
Married for many years, Paul had been ignored by his wife, Liz, for some days, so eventually he confronted her with what he perceived as the problem.
'Come on Liz, admit it,' he ranted,
'You only married me because my granddad left me $6 million, didn't you?'
'You really are silly, Paul,' retorted Liz loudly, 'I couldn't care less who left it to you.'
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Not in a hurry!
Doctor: Liquor is a slow poison for you.
Patient: It is perfectly all-right. I am not in a hurry.
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Appointment
Seeking appointment with doctor a man said: 2 weeks? I could be dead by then!
Doctor: No problem! If your wife let us know, we will cancel the appointment.
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Same Age
A man with pain on his right knee consulted his doctor.
Doctor: Do not worry! It is due to old age.
Patient: "The left knee is of the same age. But how is it that leg does not
pain?"
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Releave
Doctor: What is the matter about your husband?
Woman: He worries a lot about money.
Doctor: I think I can relieve him of that.
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Why are you nervous?
Doctor: Why are you nervous?
Patient: Because I am going to have an operation for the first time.
Doctor: Hey! But I am not nervous though this is my first operation.
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The meaning of dreams
A young woman was taking an afternoon nap. After she woke up, she told her husband, 'I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine's day. What do you think it means?'
'You'll know tonight.' he said.
That evening, the man came home with a small package and gave it to his wife. Delighted, she opened it-only to find a book entitled 'The meaning of dreams'.
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Coincidence example
Teacher: 'Can anybody give an example of a coincidence?'
Student: 'My mother and father got married on the same day, at the same time!'
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Lifelong ambition
In the traffic court of a large mid-western city, a young lady was brought before the judge to answer a ticket given her for driving through a red light.
She explained to his honor that she was a school teacher and requested an immediate disposal of her case in order that she might hasten on to her classes.
A wild gleam came into the judge's eye. 'You are a school teacher, eh?' said she.
'Madam, I shall realize my lifelong ambition. Sit down at that table and write 'I went through a red light' five hundred times.'
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Throat Problem
Doctor: You have throat problem? Have you ever gargled with salt water?
Patient: Yes. In last summer, I was almost drowned while swimming.
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Old Aged Wife
Doctor: Tell your wife not to worry about the slight deafness. It is an indication of old age.
Husband: Doctor, would you yourself please tell this to her?
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Dental Horrors
Dentist: For God's sake, stop making such noises and waving your arms. I haven't even touched your tooth yet.
Patient : Yes, I know. But you are standing on my foot.
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Blood Test
Doctor: Mr. John, you look exhausted.
John: I am. When your nurse phoned me yesterday and told me that I have to come today for a blood test, I spent the whole night studying for it.
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The Bill a Boy Found
A little boy came home with a eight-dollar bill and said he found it.
"Are you sure it was lost?" asked his mother.
"Sure,I'm sure," said the little boy."I saw the man looking for it."
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