Whose Dog Is Smarter?
Two women, who are dog owners, are arguing which dog is smarter.
First woman: My dog is so smart. Every morning he waits for the paperboy to come around and then he takes a newspaper and brings it to me.
Second woman: I know.
First one: How?
Second one: My dog told me.
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Difficulties Of Running A Business
Two women were comparing notes on the difficulties of running a small business.
"I started a new practice last year," the first one said. "I insist that each of my employees take at least a week off every three months."
"Why in the world would you do that?" the other asked.
She responded, "It's the best way I can learn which ones I can do without."
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Scare Me Half To Death
A guy was in a cave, looking for treasure. He found an old lamp, rubbed it, and a genie came out. The genie said "I will grant you three wishes, but your ex-wife will get double." The man agreed, and said "I wish I had a mansion." The genie granted it, and his ex-wife got two mansions. The man said "I would like a million dollars." The genie again granted it and his ex-wife got two million dollars. Then the man said, "Scare me half to death."
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The Bagpiper
1st man: "My neighbors were screaming and yelling at three o'clock this morning!"
2nd man: "Did they wake you?"
1st man: "Nah....I was up playing my bagpipes."
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Wishing For Genies
A man was on a beach when he discovered an old lamp in the sand. He rubbed it and a genie popped out. The genie said "I will grant you three wishes. The only condition is that you cannot wish for more wishes." "Alright," said the man, "I wish for more genies."
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Support A Family
The prospective son-in-law was asked by his girl friend's father, "Son, can you support a family?"
"Well, no, sir," he replied. "I was just planning to support your daughter. The rest of you have to fend for yourselves."
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A doctor broke the bad news to a man, that his wife would have to be admitted to a psychiatric hospital. "I'm afraid her mind's completely gone," he said. "Makes sense," mumbled the man. "She's been giving me a piece of it every day for the last 15 years ."
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The Escaped Lunatic
"Hi? Is this the mental hospital?"
"Yes, it is."
"Can I speak to Mr. Scott in room ten?"
"One moment and I'll connect you. I'm sorry, Mr. Scott is not answering."
"Good. That means I must have really escaped."
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A man had two goldfish,
he named one of them "One"
and the other "Two"
he did this because..
if one died, he'd still have two..
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Dreaming In French
A boy was having a lot of difficulty in French class. To encourage him, his teacher said, "You'll know you're really beginning to get it when you start dreaming in French."
The boy ran into class all excited one day, saying, "Teacher, teacher! I had a dream last night and everyone was talking in French!" "Great!" said the teacher; "what were they saying?" "I don't know," the boy replied; "I couldn't understand them."
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Insurance form question and answer about a recent accident:
Q: Could either driver have done anything to avoid the accident? A: I could have traveled by bus.
A man collided with a cow and completed the requested form as follows:
Q: What warning did you give the other party before the collision? A: Horn
Q: What warning was given by the other party? A: Moo
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WIFE
2 things are extremely difficult
-To plant your idea in someone's head
-To plant someone's money in your own pocket
The 1 who succeeds in both is Called WIFE.
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Superb
Girl: I Have Changed My Mind..!!
Boy: Thank God,
But Does The New One Work?
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Girl: I'm not feeling well today.
Boy: Oh! That's too bad, I thought of taking you for shopping today.
Girl: I was joking.
Boy: Me Too.
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Mistakes do Happen
Man : why is your wife shouting at you?
Friend : She told me to upload her photo in facebook, I uploaded in olx.
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Smart Beggar
People were waiting for the bus at a bus stop during heavy rain......In the mean time a beggar came, begged money from all....
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Hired a TAXI & went.
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Making Their Eyes Roll
A Montana sheep farmer was driving down the road outside of Billings one day when a State Trooper pulls him over and says, "Hey buddy, you know you just made a U-turn"?
The farmer replies, "I did? I know sometimes I make their eyes roll."
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Car In The Swimming Pool
Wife: "There's trouble with the car. It has water in the carburetor."
Husband: "Water in the carburetor? That's ridiculous."
Wife: "I tell you the car has water in the carburetor."
Husband: "You don't even know what a carburetor is. Where's the car?"
Wife: "In the swimming pool."
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A lady opened her refrigerator and saw a rabbit sitting on one of the shelves,
"What are you doing in there?" she asked.
The rabbit replied, "This is a Westinghouse, isn't it?"
The lady confirmed, "Yes." "Well," the rabbit said, "I'm westing."
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Sell The Limpy Horse
A rancher asked his veterinarian for some free advice. "I have a horse that walks normally sometimes, and sometimes he limps. What shall I do?"
The Vet replied, "The next time he walks normally, sell him."
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