Good Luck
Police in Los Angeles, had good luck with a robbery suspect who just couldn't control himself during a lineup. When detectives asked each man in the lineup to repeat the words,
"Give me all your money or I'll shoot,"
the man shouted,
"That's not what I said!"Rating
Discount
Two guys went to buy beer and noticed
that the cases were discounted 10%.
Since it was a big party, they bought 2 cases.
The cashier multiplied 2 times 10%
and gave them a 20% discount on both....RatingDead Bird
One day I was walking down the beach with
some friends when someone shouted....
"Look at that dead bird!"
Someone looked up at the sky and said...
"Where???"Rating
A student's request for extra money
A student called up his Mom one evening from his college and asked her for some money, because he was broke.
His Mother said, "Sure, sweetie. I will send you some money. You also left your economics book here when you visited two weeks ago. Do you want me to send that up too?"
"Uhh, oh yeah, O.K." responded the kid.
So his Mom wrapped the book along with the checks up in a package, kissed Dad goodbye, and went to the post office to mail the money and the book. When she gets back, Dad asked, "Well how much did you give the boy this time?"
"Oh, I wrote two checks, one for $20, and the other for $1,000."
"That's $1020!!!" yelled Dad, "Are you going crazy???"
"Don't worry hon," Mom said, kissed Dad on the on top of his bald head, "I taped the $20 check to the cover of his book, but I put the $1,000 one somewhere between the pages in chapter 15!"Rating
What Happened
A teenage girl had been talking on the phone for about half an hour, and then she hung up.
"Wow!," said her father, "That was short. You usually talk for two hours. What happened?"
"Wrong number," replied the girl.Rating
May I go to
Little Johnny: Teacher, can I go to the bathroom?
Teacher: Little Johnny, MAY I go to the bathroom?
Little Johnny: But I asked first!RatingBitten by a Vampire
Patient: Doctor, I think that I've bitten by a vampire.
Doctor: Drink this glass of water.
Patient: Will it make me better?
Doctor: No, but I'll be able to see if your neck leaks.RatingLost
A retired woman calls 911 on her cellphone to report that her car has been broken into. She is hysterical as she explains her situation to the dispatcher: "They've stolen the stereo, the steering wheel, the brake pedal and even the accelerator!" she cries.
The dispatcher replies reassuringly, "Don't worry, ma'am. An officer is on his way."
A few minutes later, the dispatched officer calls in. "Disregard." He says. "She got into the back seat by mistake."RatingLong life
Sandy wanted to live really long, and for that he went to see a doctor.
Sandy: Is there any way for long life?
Doctor: Get married.
Sandy: But, Will it help?
Doctor: No, but the thought of long life will never come.RatingActive lifestyle
I am very good in tennis, football and pro wrestling but I had to stop playing them because my Xbox fell down and broke.Rating
Foolish people
Tim: You know Jim; foolish people believe everything without any doubt.
Jim: Do you have any doubt about it?
Tim: Nope.
Rating
was't up to it
I got a job at a zoo feeding giraffes but I was fired because I wasn't up to it.RatingMr.Bean
Mr. Bean: I know your PIN no., hee, hee.
Friend: Alright, what is my PIN no. if you saw it?
Mr. Bean: four asterisks (****)!RatingHonest Servant
To check his servant's honesty, Andrew asked him: ?What will you do with a 100 rs. note lying on the floor? Will you keep it??
Servant: ?No, of course not.?
Master felt happy about his servant's honesty, but asked, "What will you do with it?
Servant: ?I will spend it.?RatingThe Master of Women
A man was about to get married and for that, he wanted to have knowledge on how to handle a women. He went to a bookstore and asked the salesgirl, "Do you have a book called ?Man, The Master of Women??"
The salesgirl, pointing towards another corner of the shop, said: "The fiction department is on the other side, sir."RatingAnother Superman
Anantharaman Subbaraman arrived at Heathrow airport. He ended up waiting for about 2 hrs for the authorities to call his name.
Finally, he got fed up, went to them and asked why they haven?t called his name yet. Airport authorities responded that they have been calling him for the last two hours and were wondering why he hadn't responded!
The reason was made clear when the immigration officer pronounced his name. He said: "Another man Superman"RatingMan goes to the doctor and says doctor, I can't stop my hands from shaking!
Doctor replies Do you drink much?
Man says No, I spill most of it!RatingIt hurts
A man goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor, wherever I touch, it hurts."
The doctor asks, "What do you mean?"
The man says, "When I touch my shoulder, it really hurts. If I touch my knee - OUCH! When I touch my forehead, it really, really hurts."
The doctor says, "I know what's wrong with you - you've broken your finger!"Ratingsnail
A snail walks into a bar and the barman tells him there's a strict policy about having snails in the bar and so kicks him out.
A year later the same snail re-enters the bar and asks the barman "What did you do that for?"RatingMadcow disease
Two cows are standing in a field.
One says to the other "Are you worried about Mad Cow Disease?"
The other one says "No, It doesn't worry me, I'm a horse!"Rating
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