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Fine For Dumping

The Sheriff pulls up next to the guy unloading garbage out of his pick-up into the ditch. The Sheriff asked, "Why are you dumping garbage in the ditch? Don't you see that sign right over your head." "Yep," he replies.

"That's why I am dumpin it here, cause it says 'Fine for dumping garbage.'

 

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Thinnest Book

Q: What is the thinnest book in the world?
A: What Men Know About Women
Q: What did God say after creating man?
A: I can do better.

 

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A Ring

The girl asked her lover, "Darling, if we get engaged will you give me a ring?"
"Sure, " replied her lover "What's your phone number?".

 

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Second Marraige

From his death bed, the husband called his wife and said, "One month after I die I want you to marry Samy."

"Samy! But he is your enemy !" "Yes, I know that ! I've suffered all these years so let him suffer now."

 

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Signboard
Sign in a bar: Those drinking to forget........ please pay in advance."

 

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Three Boys

1st boy - my father drives the car so fast that some people fly away.

2nd boy - my father drives the car so fast that the people run away.

3rd boy - my father drives the car so fast that the car is in garage and father in hospital.

 

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Research
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

 

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Joking

Boy: My Father's name is Laughing and my Mother's name is Smiling.

Teacher: U must be Kidding.

Boy: No, That is my brother I am joking.

 

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I look at your picture

Wife: 'You always carry my photo in your wallet.. Why?'
Hubby: 'When there is a problem, no matter how great, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.'
Wife: 'You see how miraculous and powerful I am for you?'
Hubby: 'Yes! I see your picture and ask myself what other problem can there be greater than this one?'

 

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Marriage Certificate

Wife: 'What are you doing?'

Husband: Nothing.

Wife: 'Nothing...? You've been reading our marriage certificate for an hour.'

Husband: 'I was looking for the expiry date.'

 

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Snail

A snail walks into a bar and the bartender kicks him out. A year later the same snail re-enters the bar and asks the barman "What did you do that for?"

 

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Who Listens?

First year of marriage: the man speaks, the woman listens.
Second year: the woman speaks, the man listens.
Third year: they both speak and the neighbors listen.

 

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Fired

Boss: You are Fired!
Employee: Why? I am such a steady worker!
Boss: Yes, If you were any steadier you would be motionless!

 

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Ten very lazy men

A site foreman had ten very lazy men working for him, so one day he decided to trick them into doing some work for a change."I've got a really easy job today for the laziest one among you," he announced. "Will the laziest man please put his hand up."Nine hands went up."Why didn't you put your hand up?" he asked the tenth man."Too much trouble," came the reply.

 

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Station

A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where atrain stops. On my desk, I have a work station...

 

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First Fight
Three weeks after her wedding day, Joanna called her minister. "Reverend," she wailed, "John and I had a DREADFUL fight!"

"Calm down, my child," said the minister, "it's not half as bad as you think. Every marriage has to have its first fight!"

"I know, I know!" said Joanna. "But what am I going to do with the BODY?

 

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School Play
A father picks up his son after school and asks him how his day has been.
"Great dad, today they give me my part at the school play", says the boy.
"Really? and what do you play?" asks the father.
"I play a man who has been married for twenty years".
"That's nice son", says the father, "you do a good work and one day the'll give you a speaking role".

 

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Second Language
A family of mice were surprised by a big cat.
Father Mouse jumped and said, "Bow-wow!" The cat ran away.
"What was that, Father?" asked Baby Mouse.
"Well, son, that's why it's important to learn a second language."

 

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Pain in eye
Patient: Doctor, I have a pain in my eye whenever I drink tea.
Doctor: Take the spoon out of the mug before you drink.

 

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Taxi
A: Hey, man! Please call me a taxi.
B: Yes, sir. You are a taxi.

 

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