Undying Love!
Girl: Do you love me?
Boy: Yes Dear!
Girl: Would you die for me ?
Boy: No, mine is Undying Love!Rating
Pronouns
Teacher: Johnny, name two pronouns.
Johnny: Who, me?
Teacher: Very good!Rating
If you prefer
‘How long will it take to pull my tooth?’ The patient asked the dentist.
‘ Only two seconds’
‘ How much will it cost?’
‘ Fifty dollars.’
‘For only two seconds of work?’
‘ Well,’ The dentist answered coolly, ‘ I can pull it very slowly if you prefer!’RatingMake it Lighter
Post Master in a post office told to a woman,â€You have to put another stamp on this letter as it is too heavy.
The woman replied, “How would an extra stamp make it lighter.â€Rating
Don't bite
TEACHER: How can you prevent diseases caused by biting insects?
JOSE: Don't bite any.RatingWrite in the dark
SYLVIA: Dad, can you write in the dark?
FATHER: I think so. What do you want me to write?
SYLVIA: Your name on this report card.Rating
How old are you?
Teacher: How old were you on your last birthday?
Charlotte: Seven.
Teacher: How old will you be on your next birthday?
Charlotte: Nine.
Teacher: That's impossible.
Charlotte: No, it isn't, Teacher. I'm eight today.RatingCan you spell that
A warthog hits this lady and the husband calls 911.
The operator asks, "Where are you at"?
The husband replies, "I'm on Eucolipstic Road."
The operator asks, "Can you spell that for me?"
"Well... I'll just drag her over to Oak so you can you pick her up there?"RatingConspiracyAuthor: "I'm convinced that the publishers have a conspiracy against me."
Friend: "What makes you think so?"
Author: "Ten of them have refused the same story."RatingBorrowedJones: "Good Evening, old man. Thought I'd drop in and see you about the umbrella you borrowed from me last week."
Brown: "I'm sorry, but I lent it to a friend of mine.
Were you wanting it?"
Jones: "Well, not for myself, but the fellow I borrowed it from says the owner wants it."RatingHighest respectCustomer: "What do you have for greying hair?"
Druggist: Nothing but the highest respect sir.RatingQuickThe teacher to a student: Conjugate the verb "to walk" in simple present.
The student: I walk. You walk ....
The teacher intruptes him: Quicker please.
The student: I run. You run ...RatingSomething smartHow do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me ..."Ratinglemon have a beak
Little Johnny: "Mummy, mummy, does a lemon have a beak?"
Mum: "No it doesn't my son."
Little Johnny: "Oops, so it was a canary that I squeezed ..."RatingThat's it
A general noticed one of his soldiers behaving oddly. The soldier would pick up any piece of paper he found, frown and say: That's not it and put it down again.
This went on for some time, until the general arranged to have the soldier psychologically tested. The psychologist concluded that the soldier was deranged, and wrote out his discharge from the army.
The soldier picked it up, smiled and said: That's it.RatingI Want My Money
The barn at Larry and Susan's farm burned down, and Susan called the insurance company.
Susan:We had that barn insured for fifty thousand and I want my money.
Agent:Wait just a minute, Susan it doesn't work quite like that. We will determine the value of the old barn and provide you with a new one of comparable worth.
Susan, after a pause: I'd like to cancel the policy on my husband.Rating
Scary report cardFather to son after exam: "let me see your report card."
Son: "My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents."RatingTwo copiesA young executive was leaving the office one evening when he found the CEO standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand.
"Listen", said the CEO, "this is important and my assistant has left. Can you make this thing work?"
"Certainly", said the young man, flattered that the CEO had asked him for help.
He turned the the machine on, inserted the paper and pressed the start button.
"Excellent! Excellent!" said the CEO as his paper disappeared inside the machine. "I need two copies of that."RatingWrong route
As a old man was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang.
Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him,"Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Route 280. Please be careful!"
"It's not just one car," said Herman, "It's hundreds of them!"RatingThree Boys
1st boy - my father drives the car so fast that some people fly away.
2nd boy - my father drives the car so fast that the people run away.
3rd boy - my father drives the car so fast that the car is in garage and father in hospital.Rating
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