Difference Between Men And Women
Difference between Men and Women
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.Rating
Man & His Wife
A guy and his wife were speeding down the interstate when a state cop pulls him over. The man says, "What's the problem officer?
Officer: "You were going at least 75 in a 55 zone."
Man: "No sir, I was going 65."
Wife: "Oh Harry, you were going 80." Man gives his wife a dirty look.
Officer: "I will also give you a ticket for your broken tail light."
Man: "Broken tail light? I didn't know about a broken tail light"
Wife: "Oh Harry, you've known about that tail light for months." Man gives his wife a dirty look.
Officer: "I will also give you a citation for not wearing your seat belt."
Man: "Oh, I just took it off when you were walking up to the car."
Wife: "Oh Harry, you never wear your seat belt."
Man turns to his wife and yells, "WITCH, shut your damn mouth"
The Officer turns to the woman and says, "Ma'm,does your husband talk to you this way all the time?? Wife says, "No, only when he's drunk."Rating
Oops
I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months... I don't like to interrupt her.RatingWonder Why???????
When a newly married couple smiles, everyone knows why. When a ten-year married couple smiles, everyone wonders why.RatingOtherwise!
The wise never marry - And when they marry they become otherwise.RatingKnows when to stop
A man walks into a bar and orders one shot. Then he looks into his shirt pocket and orders another shot. After he finishes, he looks into his shirt pocket again and orders another shot.
The bartender is curious and askes him "every time you order a shot, you look in your shirt pocket. Why?"
The man replies, "I have a picture of my wife in my pocket and when she starts to look good, I go home."RatingCar Was in the Lake
My wife told me the car wasn't running well, there was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was, and she told me it was in the lake.Rating"Uh-huh" or "Yes dear" or "I'm sorry"
A recent study showed that the average husband only actually speaks to his wife about thirty-seven minutes each week.
Well, yeah, I can believe that, I mean just how long does it take to say "Uh-huh" or "Yes dear" or "I'm sorry" ?Rating
Wife Isn't In The Car
On a rural road a state trooper pulled this farmer over and said: "Sir, do you realize your wife fell out of the car several miles back?"
To which the farmer replied: "Thank God, I thought I had gone deaf!"Rating
GF /BF
Girlfriend : And are you sure you love me and no one else ?
Boyfriend : Dead sure ! I checked the whole list again yesterdayRatingWill It Be Long?
When my husband and I showed up at a very popular restaurant, it was crowded. I went up to the hostess and asked, "Will it be long?" The hostess, ignoring me, kept writing in her book. I asked again, "How much
of a wait?" The woman looked up from her book and said, "About ten minutes." A short time later, we heard an announcement over the
loudspeaker: "Willette B. Long, your table is ready."Rating
My Wife Is Pregnant
Man speaks frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart!"
"Is this her first child?" the doctor queries.
"No, you idiot!" the man shouts. "This is her *husband*!"RatingAniversary
Man : "Where do you want to go for our Anniversary ?"
Wife : "Somewhere I have never been !"
Man : "How about the kitchen ?"RatingWife And Husband
Wife : Honey ...... What are You Looking for ?
Husband : Nothing.
Wife : Nothing...?? U've been reading our marriage certificate 4 an hour ...??
Husband : I was just looking 4 the expiry date.RatingPhoto Of Wife
Wife: You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?
Darling : When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.
Wife: You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?
Darling : Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, "What other problem Can there be greater than this one?RatingIt Really Works
The husband leaned over, made a wish and threw in a penny.
The wife decided to make a wish,too. But she leaned over too much, fell
into the well, and drowned.
The husband was stunned for a while but then smiled "It really works!"RatingBook do you like the best?
When I asked My Wife : Which book do you like the best?
She answers: Your Cheque book.RatingWhich One Would You Suggest
Bunty - "Well, I am falling in love and I think I should go to a palmist or a mind reader. Which one would you suggest?"
Monty - "You would better go to a palmist you know you have got a palm."RatingLet us stand
Wife: Darling today is our marriage anniversary. What should we do?
Husband: Let us stand in silence for two minutes.RatingLecture on the ill effects of drinking on health
Police arrested a drunker at midnight and asked: " Where are you going?"
Man: "I am going to listen lecture on the ill effects of drinking on health"
Police: "Who will lecture at midnight?"
Man: "My wife"Rating
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