|
|
Average Husband
A recent study showed that the average husband only actually speaks to his wife about thirty-seven minutes each week.
Well, yeah, I can believe that, I mean just how long does it take to say "Uh-huh" or "Yes dear" or "I'm sorry"?Rating
Marry a penguin
A bachelor asked the computer to find him the perfect mate: "I want a companion who is small and cute, loves water sports, and enjoys group activities."
Back came the answer: "Marry a penguin."Rating
Cure For Shortsightedness
A man goes to an optician asking for help about his shortsightedness.
The optician invites the man to go outside the shop, points to the sun and asks the man what that is.
The man somewhat stunned replies obviously: that's the sun!
Thereafter the optician asks: but how far do you want to see?RatingIntelligents And Intelliladies
Boy: Boys are intelligent than girls!
Girl: Any proof?
Boy: You always say intelliGENTS but you never say intelliLADIES!
"Great people Great thoughts."RatingMystery of Maths
Biggest Mystery of Maths, 1000s of years passed, Millions of theorems derived, Millions of formulas made, But still, X is unknown!RatingSchool Kid: Why are some of your hair white mom?
Mom: Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me unhappy, one of my hair turns white.
Funny Kid thought for a moment, and then said, Mamma, how come *all* of grandma's hair are white?Rating
Girlfriend: I can't marry you. I am one year elder to you.
Boyfriend: Very Good, I love you so much that I can wait for you for one year.Rating
No Phone Book In china
Why are there no phone books in China?
Because there are so many Wing's and Wong's, they are afraid you will Wing the Wong number.Rating
On-Line Banking
I asked a customer- service representative at my bank whether it offered on-line banking.
"Certainly," she stated, pointing to a crowd of people.
"The line starts over there."RatingElderly Birthdays!
ON TURNING 70: "You still chase women, but only downhill".
ON TURNING 80: "That's the time of your life when even your birthday suit needs pressing."
ON TURNING 90: "You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake."
ON TURNING 100: "I don't feel old. In fact, I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap."Rating'I understand you're a member of the school football team,' said a visiting uncle to seven-year-old Jack. 'What position do you play?'
'I'm not sure,' answered Jack, 'but I think I heard the teacher say that I was the team's main drawback.'Rating"Doctor, please hurry. My son swallowed a razor blade."
"Don't panic, I'm coming immediately. Have you done anything yet?"
"Yea, I shaved with the electric razor."RatingWhat is a baby?
A soft pink thing that makes a lot of noise at one end and has no sense of responsibility at the other.RatingNo Opinion
A Martian lands to plunder, pillage and burn. He goes up to the owner of the first house he sees and says, "I'm a Martian just arrived from the other side of the galaxy. We're here to destroy your civilisation, pillage and burn. What do you think about that?"
The owner replies, "I don't have an opinion. I'm a chartered accountant."RatingMr. Bean: I'd like some vitamins for my grandson.
Clerk: Sir, vitamin A, B or C?
Mr. Bean: Any will do, my grandson doesn't know the alphabet yet!!RatingFriend: How many women do you believe must a man marry?
Mr. Bean: 16
Friend: Why?
Mr. Bean: Because the priest says 4 richer, 4 poorer, 4 better and 4 worse.RatingAn airline stewardess was giving the standard safety briefing to the passengers. She had just finished saying 'In the event of a water landing, your seat cushion may be used as a flotation device,' when a man remarked, "Hey! If the plane can't fly, why should I believe the seat can float?"RatingFirst show your PAN Card
A person went to vegetable vendor for purchase of some vegetables.
Person: What is the rate of potato?
Vendor: First show your PAN Card.
Person: Why?
Vendor: How can non-income tax paying afford vegetables in India?RatingFaithful Dog
A man went to sell his dog. A buyer asked him, Is this dog faithful.
The man replied, Yes,I have sold him 3 times but he returns to me.RatingWhite House Party
At a White House party, a woman approached Calvin Coolidge, famed for his silence, and said "Mr. President,
I made a bet I can get more than two words out of you."
He replied: "You lose."Rating
|
|
