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How is Christmas like your job? You do all the work and the fat guy in the suit gets all the credit.
 
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Q: What did the spider do on the computer?
A: Made a website!
 
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People of my age are busy with Relation, Break up and Patch ups. But I am still figuring out a way to wake up before 10 AM.
 
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Husband Shocked Wife Rocked

Couple had a fight one night going to bed

Husband says : Good Night Old Mother of Six Kids.

Wife Replies: Good Night Father of None.
 
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If a barber makes a mistake, it is a new style
If a politician makes a mistake, it is a new law
If a scientist makes a mistake, it is a new invention
If a Taylor makes a mistake, it is a new style
If a teacher makes a mistake, it is a new theory
But, if a student makes a mistake, it is a Mistake.
 
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They say milk gives strength.
I drank 4 cups and could not move a wall.
But when I took 4 bottles of beers,
I saw the wall moving itself.
These scientists should better stop their lies.
 
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I asked why Wall of China is the wonder of the world!
Answer:It is the only thing made in China that lasted years.
 
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A guy went for an interview at a big IT company for the position of Computer Hacking Investigator. The boss asked him: So, what makes you suitable for this job?
Well, he replied, I hacked into your computer and invited myself to this interview.
 
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My mom told me to
Turn down the volume of music on my computer Or else
She would smash my head on the keyboard.
But I did not believe jhyteqfgouy i77uufsrhg.
 
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If a paper comes very tough in exam,
Just close your eyes for a moment,
Take a deep breath and say loudly,
This is a very interesting subject; I want to study it again.
 
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1) I woke up
2) I went to school
3) I saw her
4) I ran to her, and I hugged her
5) I kissed her
Actually, the right order is 3, 4, 5, 1, 2
 
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A local barber in my area just got arrested for selling drugs.
Blew my mind.
I've been his customer for years.
I had no idea he was a barber.
 
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In every love story, a girl supports her brother,
But a brother never supports his sister.
Because sister knows what love is and brother knows what boys are.
 
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I was in a cab today and the cab driver said,
I love my job, I'm my own boss. Nobody tells me what to do.
Then I said, Turn Left.
 
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Today was my first day entering a court.
The judge shouted 'Order, Order!!'
I was so excited,
So I shouted back fried rice with chicken, five bottles of beer and a chilled glass of special ice mineral water.
I am now locked up in a dark room.
I am sure they will bring my order soon.
 
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My Chinese friend got really sick one day and had to go to a hospital.
I went to see him the next day.
He just kept whispering 'yang qi guan' over and over and then died.
I was very sad and Googled his last message after the burial.
Apparently, it means You're standing on my oxygen tube.
 
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My Girlfriend broke up with me.
She thinks that I am childish.
So I calmed down, took a deep breath, went to her house, rang the doorbell and ran away.
 
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A guy in a plane stood up & shouted: 'HIJACK!'
All passengers got scared
From the other end of the plane, a guy shouted back 'HI JOHN'.
 
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Today I saw two blind people fighting,
then I shouted I'm supporting the one with the knife,
they both ran away.
 
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Those who are single, Let's sing this song together:
Single bells
Single bells
Single all the way
Oh what fun it is to watch
those couples fight all day. Yay
 
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