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Too many problems.
Son asked to father: Why was the math book sad?
Father replied :Because it had too many problems.
 
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why don't you advised your friend
wife: why don't you advised your friend to select his wife hence she is not a match with him?
husband: mmmm.... becoz he didn't advised me on that time
 
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Love v/s Marriage!

Love is holding hands in the street.

Marriage is holding arguments in the street.

Love is cuddling on a sofa.

Marriage is one of them sleeping on a sofa.

Love is talking about having children.

Marriage is talking about getting away from children.

Love is going to bed early.

Marriage is going to sleep early.

Love is sweet nothing in the ear.

Marriage is sweet nothing in the bank.

TV has no place in love.

Marriage is a fight for remote control.

Love is 1 drink and 2 straws.

Marriage is "Don't you think you've had enough!".

Conclusion: "Love is blind , Marriage is an eye opener!"
 
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Its Jim'S Birthday, So His Wife Decides To Surprise Him
Its Jim's birthday, so his wife decides to surprise him,
she takes him to a Strip Club.
At the club -
DOORMAN: Hey Jim! How are you?
WIFE: How does he know you?
JIM: We play Golf together!
BARTENDER: The usual beer Jim?
WIFE: And how does he know you?
JIM: He's on the Bowling Team!
HOT STRIPPER: The special Lap Dance again, Jim?
The Wife storms out dragging Jim with her, into a taxi!
TAXI DRIVER: Hey Jimmy boy .You picked an ugly one this time Same Hotel?
Today is Jim's death anniversary
 
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Father'S Occupation

"What's your father's occupation?" asked the school secretary, filling in the forms at the start of the academic year.

"He's a magician," said the small boy.

"How interesting! What's his favourite trick?"

"Sawing people in half."

"Really? Now, next question. Any brothers or sisters?"

"Yes. One half-brother and two half-sisters
 
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Impact Of Job Change
A passenger tap on the shoulder of cab driver to ask a question. The driver screamed, lost control and dashed to divider. He asked the passenger not to do it again.Passenger- I didn't realisize that a tap will make you so imbalance. Driver- Today is my first day as cab driver. For last 25 years I have been driving a van carrying dead bodies.
 
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Standing In Front Of The Door
Mr Been: He is standing in front of the door.
Wife:Why r u standing in front of the door?
Mr Been: I want to kill tiger.
Wife: Then go.
Mr Been: In front of me there is a dog.
 
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Dad Can I Have 50rs?
Me: Dad can I have 50Rs?

Dad: 40Rs? What do you need 30Rs for? 20Rs is more than enough! Here's 10Rs now give your brother half
 
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What is the most popular game played by Politicians?
.
.
.
.
MUSICAL CHAIR
 
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yes and no
Father: Do you have a trouble making decisions?
Son: well, yes and no !!!
 
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one more addition chapter
Father: What will happen if the third war takes place?
Son: We will have one more addition chapter in our history book!

 
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Father to son:
whenever i beat you,
you don't get annoyed,
how you control your anger?
son: i start cleaning the toilet.
seat with your toothbrush
 
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After marriage - simply read from bottom to top

Boyfriend: Yes. At last. It was so hard to wait.
Girlfriend: Do you want me to leave?
Boyfriend: NO! Don't even think about it.
Girlfriend: Do you love me?
Boyfriend: Of course! Over and over!
Girlfriend: Have you ever cheated on me?
Boyfriend: NO! Why are you even asking?
Girlfriend: Will you kiss me?
Boyfriend: Every chance I get!
Girlfriend: Will you hit me?
Boyfriend: Are you crazy! I'm not that kind of person!
Girlfriend: Can I trust you?
Boyfriend: Yes.
Girlfriend: Darling!

 
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A Girl Died & went To Heaven
A Girl died & went to Heaven...
God was shocked to see her heart still
beating..!!

God asked, "How come your heart is still
beating"..????
Girl replied, "I'm dead but my lover is still
living
in my
heart"...

The Girl was sent to Hell for Over-acting..
 
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A girl was crying bitterly.

Mom: What happened dear?

Daughter: Mom do I look like a wicked witch?

Mom: No!

Daughter: Are my eyes big as toad?

Mom: No!

Daughter: Is my nose flat?

Mom: No baby!

Daughter: Am I fat like a bulldog?

Mom: You have a fine physique, you are a barbie doll!

Daughter: Then why people tell me that you look like your mom?
 
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Once old man asks:
When a newly married couple smile, everyone knows why.
But when a fifteen year married couple smile every wonders why..!!!
 
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compromise with your wife

Man: How did you compromise with your wife?
Husband: She came to me on her feet.
Man: and what she said?
Husband: i was down to bad and she said come out, i will not say you anything...
 
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Come in my heart and stay here forever
A boy said to a girl:-"Come in my heart and stay here forever".
Girl replied:-"Should i remove my sleepers???"
boy,"No honey, its not a temple , come without removing!!!!!"
 
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Factory Workers
Two factory workers are talking.
The woman says, "I can make the boss give me the day off."
The man replies, "And how would you do that?"
The woman says, "Just wait and see." She then hangs upside-down from the ceiling.
The boss comes in and says, "What are you doing?"
The woman replies, "I'm a light bulb."
The boss then says, "You've been working so much that you've gone crazy. I think you need to take the day off."
The man starts to follow her and the boss says, "Where are you going?"
The man says, "I'm going home, too. I can't work in the dark."
 
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On the bus
On a crowded bus, one man noticed that another man had his eyes closed.
"What's the matter? Are you sick?"
"No, I'm okay. It's just that I hate to see an old lady standing."
 
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