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Said to a railroad engineer:
What's the use of having a train schedule if the trains are always late.
The reply from the railroad engineer:
How would we know they were late, if we didn't have a schedule?Rating
I haven't spoken a word to my wife in years. She hates to be interrupted.Rating
When I see lovers' names carved in a tree, I don't think it's sweet. I just think it's surprising how many people bring a knife on a date.
Rating
My dog used to chase people on a bike a lot. It got so bad, finally I had to take his bike away.Rating
Wife's Response
Honey, I got hit by a car outside of the office. Teena brought me to the Hospital. They have been making tests and taking X-rays. The blow to my head though very strong, will not have any serious or lasting injury. But, I have three broken ribs, a broken arm, a compound fracture in the left leg, and they may have to amputate the right foot.
Wife's Response: Who is Teena?RatingBeing A Tough Teacher
Teacher: If 1+1=2 and 2+2=4, what is 4+4?
Pupil: That's not fair! You answer the easy ones and leave us with the hard one!Rating
Colors of Flag
A Dutchman was explaining the red, white, and blue Netherlands flag to an American.
"Our flag is symbolic of our taxes. We get red when we talk about them, white when we get our tax bills, and blue after we pay them."
The American nodded. "It's the same in the USA only we see stars, too!"Rating"Simon, if I had eight apples in my right hand and ten apples in my left hand, what would I have?"
"Huge hands, sir."RatingPhysics Teacher: Isaac Newton was sitting under a tree when an apple fell on his head and he discovered gravity. Isn't that wonderful? Student: Yes sir, if he had been sitting in class looking at books like us, he wouldn't have discovered anything.Rating
Student 1: Bro, I could not write anything at the exam, I just left the paper blank. Student 2: I gave it blank too. Student 1: Oh god! She \'ll think we cheated.RatingHuman brain is the most outstanding object in world.
It functions 24hrs a day, 365days a year.
It functions right from the time we are born
and stops only when we enter the examination hall.RatingWife's Answers and What they mean
You ask your wife something and she says:Wahan rakha hai..
This 'wahan' can be either:
1. On the table.
2. Or any of th 26 drawers in kitchen.
3. or Antarctica..!!!
When wife says:Woh laa do...., It can be
1. Her Lipstick .
2. Or milk from market.
3. Or an AK 56..!!!
When wife says:Yeh kya hai..?? It can be:
1. Your Pyjamas on the floor.
2. Or beer 6-pack in fridge.
3. Or a Drone flying over Afghanistan.!!
When wife says: Tumhe kabhi kuch samajh nahi aata.. It can be about:
1. A new mushy WhatsApp msg.
2. Or Einstein's theory of Relativity.
3. Or her latest spending spree in Mall !
When wife says: Ab bahot ho gaya It can be:
1. The mascara she is putting.
2. Or the amount of Anthrax that needs to be put in a Biological Weapon.
3. Or the latest spat she has had with your mother..!!!
And when wife says:
Main kaisi lag rahi hoon?
Its GAME OVER!!
It just puts you in a fix which Arjun had faced in Mahabharata, just before the war started.. as to whether you should follow Dharma Or Karma !!!!RatingAn old man living alone on his farm writes to his son in prison. Dear Jim, I'm feeling down because I'm just too old to plant my potato garden this year. It's too much digging.Jim write back. Dad, don't dig up the garden that's where I buried the bodies! That day a van full of FBI agents stormed into the backyard and dug up the entire garden. They didn't find anything and left apologizing to the old man. Soon the farmer received another letter. Dear Dad, It was the best I could do under the circumstances. Love, JimRatingDad: Don't you think our son gets his brains from me? Mom: Probably, dear. I still have all of mine.RatingWife is Cute, when she is Mute.
Husband is Honey when he gives Money.RatingHeight of gettting lucky
My neighbor's wife texted me,
'I am new on whatsapp.. Any idea what does IDK, LY, TTYL mean...?
I replied : 'I don't know, Love You, Talk To You Later !
She replied : ' No problem. I'll ask you later... Love you too..RatingTeacher to a student: "Can you think of a solution to end unemployment?"
"Yes, sir! I'd put allthe men on one island and the women on another."
"And what would they be doing then?"
"Building boats!"RatingHusband vs wife
In heaven God told all husbands & wives to gather for a meeting!
He told the men to stand in two queues...
Those who are controlled by their wives & those who control their wives!
Only 1 man stood in d second Queue...
God said "So you control ur wife?"
Man: "R u CRAZY ???
My wife told me to stand here" ..RatingWife: Why can't my mother move in with us?
Husband: Because the Bible says I can't!
Wife: Show me where it says that!
Husband: Right here, see. No man can serve two masters!RatingMother to Son: Who is Tippu Sultan
Son: Don't Know.
Mother: Sometimes give attention to studies.
Son to Mother: Who is Dimple Aunty.
Mother: I Don't Know.
Son: Sometimes give attention to Dad also.Rating
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