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Teacher: How much is a gram?


Tyronne: Uhmm, depends on what you need
 
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Me: Would you like to be the sun in my life?

Her: Awww... Yes!!!

Me: Good then stay 92.96 million miles away from me
 
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Q: What did the dentist say to the golfer?
A: You have a hole in one.
 
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Waiter: How do you like your steak, sir?
Sir: Like winning an argument with my wife.
Waiter: Rare it is.

 
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कल एक साधू बाबा मिले,
मैंने पूछा – कैसे हैं बाबाजी.?
बाबाजी बोले – हम तो साधू हैं बेटा….
हमारा “राम” हमें जैसे रखता है हम वैसे ही रहते हैं…..
तुम तो सुखी हो ना बच्चा..?

मैं बोला — हम तो संसारी लोग हैं बाबाजी
हमारी “सीता” हमें जैसे रखती है, हम वैसे ही रहते हैं..।
 
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The guy who stole my diary just died.

My thoughts are with his family.
 
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David: I love her so much
Richard: She’s just 14 and you are 28
David: Age is just a number
Richard: And jail is just a room
 
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A guy went for an interview at a big IT company for the position of “Computer Hacking Investigator”
The boss asked him: So, what makes you suitable for this job?
Well, he replied, I hacked into your computer and invited myself to this interview.
 
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Today was my first day entering a court.
The judge shouted “Order, Order!!”
I was so excited,
So I shouted back “fried rice with chicken, five bottles of beer and a chilled glass of special ice mineral water.”
I am now locked up in a dark room.
I am sure they will bring my order soon.
 
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My girlfriend’s birthday is in two days.
And she told me “Nothing would make me happier than a diamond ring”.
So I bought her nothing!
 
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There are two muffins baking in the oven. One muffin says to the other, “Phew, is it getting hot in here or is it just me?” The other muffin says, “AAAAHHH!! A TALKING MUFFIN!”
 
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Q: What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it?

A: Envelope.
 
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Q: Why was six scared of seven?

A: Because seven "ate" nine.
 
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New Teacher: All students introduce your name and hobbies
1st boy: My name is Jack and my hobby is watching the moon.
2nd boy: My name is Dave and hobby is watching the moon.
3rd boy: My name is Patrick & my hobby is watching the moon.
(All boys told their different names but the hobby was same)
New Teacher: Good, all boys have the same hobby, Now its girl’s turn.
1st girl: Hi, my name is moon…
 
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Girl: OMG, You look so much better when you don’t wear your glasses
Boy: Well, You look better when I don’t wear my glasses too.
 
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A man meets an accident with his new Ferrari.
A policeman arrives.
Man: (Cried) Officer! My brand new car!
Police: You’re such a materialistic person. You even haven’t notice that your left arm has been cut off.
Man: (He looks at his left arm and yells) OMG! My Rolex watch!
 
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Grandfather: When I was your age, I used to go to the market with two Rupees and bring home soap, rice, milk, bread, ghee, face powder etc.
Grandson: nowadays it is difficult. There are CCTV cameras everywhere.
 
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Trainer: If an old man and a child come near your car, what will you hit?
Girl: Old man.
Trainer: Idiot. You should hit the BRAKE.
 
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Graham Alexander Bell: I used to study under a candle
William Shakespeare: I used to study under street light
Mr. Bean: What did you guys do during the daytime?
 
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John: Do you have a girlfriend Harry?
Harry: Yes John
John: Nice. Where is she from?
Harry: From a different nation
John: Oh really? Which nation?
Harry: From my imagiNATION.
 
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