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One day Joe's mother turned to Joe's father and said," It's such a nice day, I think I'll take Joe to the zoo."

"I wouldn't bother," said father. "If they want him, let them come and get him!"

 

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For weeks a six-year-old lad kept telling his first-grade teacher about the baby brother or sister that was expected at his house.

One day the mother allowed the boy to feel the movements of the unborn child. The six-year old was obviously impressed, but made no comment. Furthermore, he stopped telling his teacher about the impending event.

The teacher finally sat the boy on her lap and said, "Tommy, whatever has become of that baby brother or sister you were expecting at home?"

Tommy burst into tears and confessed, "I think Mommy ate it!"

 

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Two kids are talking to each other. One says, "I'm really worried. My dad works twelve hours a day to give me a nice home and good food. My mom spends the whole day cleaning and cooking for me. I'm worried sick!"

The other kid says, "What have you got to worry about? Sounds to me like you've got it made!"

The first kid says, "What if they try to escape?"

 

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Husband: I lost my wife. She went shopping & still hasn't arrived home yet.
Inspector: What is her height?
Husband: I never noticed.
Inspector: Slim or healthy?
Husband: Not slim, can be healthy.
Inspector: Colour of eyes?
Husband: Never noticed.
Inspector: Colour of hair ?
Husband: Changes according to the season.
Inspector: What was she wearing?
Husband: Pants and shirt, maybe a dress or something ..... I don't remember exactly.
Inspector: Did she go in a car???
Husband: Yes!!!
Inspector: Can you tell me the number, name & colour of the car ?
Husband: NLH-638 Black Audi A8 with supercharged 3.0 litre V6 engine generating 333 horse power teamed with an eight-speed tiptronic automatic transmission with manual mode....and it has full LED headlights, which use light emitting diodes for all light functions and has a very thin scratch on the front left door. At this point the husband started crying...
Inspector: Don't worry sir, we will find your car........

 

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A teacher is talking to a student.
Teacher: Did your father help you with your homework?
Student: No, he did it all by himself.

 

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Husband: How do I make my wife stop buying all these gloves?
Buy her a diamond ring.

 

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Husband asks: Do you know the meaning of WIFE? It means "Without Information, Fighting Everytime!"
WIFE replied: No darling, it means "With Idiot For Ever!"

 

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Friend: Why did you hit your husband with a chair?"
Wife: "I couldn't lift the table."!

 

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Stages of marriage

Mad for each other...
Made for each other...
Mad at each other....
Mad b'coz of each other.

 

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Shortest description of a married man
"Ek Tha Tiger"

 

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It is a Fact: A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband

 

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Marriage is when a man and woman become one; the trouble starts when they try to decide which one

 

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They say that when a man holds a woman's hand before marriage, it is love;
after marriage it is self defense.

 

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Wife: Tum Saari Duniya Mein Bhi Dhoondo To Bhi Mujh Jaisi Doosri Nahi Milegi......
Husband: Tum Kya Samajhti Ho? Main Doosri Bhi Tum Jaisi Hi Dhoondoon ga..! Hadd Ho Gayi

 

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Difference between talent and god's gift:

A man can give lecture for 2 hrs on any subject.
-This is talent.
A woman can give lecture for 2 hrs without any subject.
-This is god's gift.

 

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Wife checks husbands mobile and find all girls numbers saved in the following order

New bird
Neighbour bird
Old bird
Upstair bird
Hospital bird
Insurance bird
College bird
Super market bird

Finally she checks her name. and it was saved as
"Angry bird"

 

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Husband : (calls up Hotel Manager from room)
Please come fast, I am having an argument with my wife & she says she will jump from your hotel window.
Manager : Sir, I am sorry, but this is your personal Issue.
Husband : abbe saale ! The window is not opening. This is a maintenance issue ..

 

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Wife : "why are u home so early?"
Hubby : "My boss said go to hell!"

 

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Wives are magicians........
They can change anything into an argument.

 

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Put your wife in a room & lock it.
Put your dog in another room & lock it !!!
Open both rooms after 2 - 3 hours & see who is Happy to see you, and who will BITE you !

 

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